Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and The Bank Dick characters/settings are the property of their original owners.
Strolling together through the deserted streets of the small California town of Lompoc, a sardonic Rona couldn't help pointing out to Dawn at her side, “This is
breaking the law, you know that.”
The younger Summers sister just kept on grinning. This ear-to-ear smile had lasted ever since they’d slipped away from the large crowd consisting of the entire town’s population in front of City Hall. Back there, these people had been congratulating their native hero for his role in the capture of a gang of bank robbers, and they looked to be heaping fulsome praise for a good while yet upon this man bearing a truly unique proboscis.
Dawn happily replied, “Hey, it isn’t a bona fide scavenger hunt until somebody commits an actual misdemeanor during it, at the very least. In fact, the hallowed traditions of that game mean we really should be stealing it in the middle of the night with both of us dead drunk.”
“Pass,” Rona snorted, rolling her eyes. She glanced over at where Dawn was giggling to herself, and the Slayer broke into her companion’s mirth, “Is that what this is going to be, a mis-- what you said?”
Dawn calmed down a little to think this over. The young woman finally allowed, “Depends on how the local authorities view the whole thing. If they don’t consider it all that important, anybody the police catch doing it might wind up paying a minor fine with no jail time. That’s one end of the scale, though. I’m not sure if the laws here in the thirties will be the same as seventy years or so from now. But, if the book’s thrown at someone arrested for what we’re going to do, they could face federal charges, including a couple of years in prison.”
“Oh, goody, that makes me feel better,” snarked Rona. At Dawn’s cheerful shrug, the black girl squinted towards her accomplice before asking suspiciously, “How come you know all this? I thought you avoided doing anything but shoplifting back in the ‘Dale.”
Abruptly grimacing in her quick change of mood, Dawn grumbled, “Nobody’s ever going to let me live that down, are they? Anyway, you weren’t even there in Sunnydale for it! The whole First Evil business with you and the rest of the Potentials showing up at our home was a long time after I had my bad girl phase! Let me guess, somebody opened their big mouth--”
Now it was Rona’s turn to grin. She chuckled, “Me and the other girls had to pass the time somehow, squeezed up like sardines in Buffy’s cramped house. We cornered Xander and Andrew whenever we got the chance, getting what stories we could from them about the others around. Say, did you ever learn that Andrew’s stupid supervillain team was secretly watching the Scoobies with surveillance cameras all over town? They caught you on tape fair and square a few times pocketing some stuff.”
Dawn wordlessly groaned, shaking her head in sheer exasperation. She glowered at where Rona was walking at her side and snickering at the Key’s annoyed expression. Eventually, Dawn grudgingly said, “Anya spotted me doing it once. Instead of telling Buffy, she just yelled at me for my horrible technique, and then she had me copy by hand the thickest law book I’d ever seen, with every kind of crime and their penalties inside it. It took a full week, and I thought my fingers were going to cramp up for the rest of my life. That’s one reason why I stopped.”
Rona’s loud guffaws rang throughout the empty neighborhood. Everyone else but the two young women walking down the sidewalk were still at the celebratory gathering this pair had recently left. Though, not before Dawn had surreptitiously recorded on her video camera a very inimitable person basking in the admiration of all there. Trying to ignore the Slayer’s gleeful delight, Dawn looked ahead, to see if she could identify their destination from what she remembered enjoying in a certain black-and-white movie comedy.
Thankfully, the game partners in Willow’s Great Scooby Scavenger Hunt at last found themselves in front of the specific item they were supposed to acquire in their latest challenge. Standing there by the white picket fence before a modest house, Dawn and Rona cautiously scanned the surrounding area for any possible witnesses to the crime they were about to commit. Nobody else was in sight, so Rona reach out to take hold--
Pausing in the middle of her theft, Rona doubtfully inquired, “Hey, Dawnie, you still sure about this? We take it, someone’s gonna have to replace it, and I don’t really want to bother a guy I find a hell of a lot of fun.”
Making one last check of their environs and spotting a side alley where they could put their prize in Willow’s book and then head onto the next challenge, Dawn absently responded, “It’d be really funny hearing at first-hand his annoyed reaction to it, you have to admit. Although, remember how the film ends? Him and his family, after they get rich, the whole bunch moves to another, bigger, and more expensive house. So, they’d have to get a new one, anyway. Either by throwing this away or leaving it for the next people to live here. And you can be absolutely certain the new tenants won’t have that
“Good point,” a relieved Slayer conceded. Reaching out once more, Rona firmly gripped the mailbox attached to the fence, and then with a quick jerk of her superhuman muscles, she easily yanked it free.
Cradling in her arms the small, rectangular box for residential mail, Rona joyfully read the name painted on the side. It identified for all to see the man presently living there, who was the main character of the supremely side-splitting movie known as The Bank Dick,
as played by W.C. Fields:
Rona looked up to meet Dawn’s equally thrilled gaze. With perfect timing, the two women then recited in their reverent chorus, “Accent grave over the ‘e’, please.”