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With Some Help From My Little Friend...

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Summary: The Scoobies and the Potentials are going to attack the vineyard where Caleb has established his headquarters, but they're going to do it in a rather unexpected manner.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Surprise CrossoverGreywizardFR1811,5901173,61825 Aug 1225 Aug 12Yes
Disclaimer: They all belong to either Crack-Head Joss and ME or Oliver Stone and Universal Pictures, I think. Deal with it. I have. I'll identify the crossover at the end of the story.

Category: Surprise crossover. (Hopefully.) It’s a classic movie, and that’s all I’ll say here.

Time Frame: Set during a very AU version of the Season Sux Part Deux episode eighteen, 'Dirty Girls.'

Spoilers: None intended, but if you don’t know what happened up to this point, why are you reading this story?

Character Bashing: Nope. None at all.

Feedback: Of course!

Archiving: Talk to me first, please.

Author’s Note 1: Many thanks to Bill Haden and Theo (Starway_Man) for beta-ing this story.

Author’s Note 2: As usual, "word" indicates speech, :: word :: indicates mental communication and { word } indicates a character's thoughts.

Author’s Note 3: Yeah, this is another kinda crack!fic story, but as my muse commands, thus do I write.

Author’s Note 4: This is story #25 for the 2012 August Fic-A-Day Challenge.

Author’s Note 5: Parts of some of the dialogue are taken from transcripts of the episode from 'Buffyworld.'


Shadow Valley Vineyard
Outskirts of Sunnydale, CA

March 30, 2003

Buffy led the small group of Potential Slayers who'd come with her to the vineyard into the pavilion bordering the outside of the main building. { Well, here goes nothing... }

"You sure you wanna handle things this way, Slayer?" Spike asked as he walked alongside the blonde Chosen One.

"Yeah, I do, Spike," Buffy nodded her head as she kept a careful watch on their surroundings.

"Xander's been doing pretty well, so far, at figuring out what Caleb's been planning," she noted, "so I'm willing to follow his plan - especially if it means we can end that demented bastard's plans before he can hurt anyone else."

"You *do* realize what that kind of success indicates about your boy, don't ya? I mean if Droopy's been able to figger out, ahead o’ time, pretty much everything this crazy preacher man's been intending to do?" the bleached-blond vampire commented with a bit of a smirk, as they entered the vineyard’s main reception area.

"Yeah, I do, and I also know why Xand can do that," Buffy nodded again. "But all I really care about right now, Spike, is that we stop this nutcase before he can kills any more of my girls," was the blonde's terse answer to the question, before she abruptly broke off her reply and beheaded a Bringer with a casual backhanded swipe of her sword.

The swarm of corrupted, formerly human, foot soldiers which currently comprised the First Evil's army tried to overrun the small group opposing them. But Kennedy, Rona, Molly, and Amanda quickly followed Buffy's example and ruthlessly used their swords to cut down any of the First's minions which came near them.

"Well, now, you girls are just burning with righteousness, aren't you?" the scouting party heard a mocking voice with a Southern accent calling to them, from somewhere deep in the darkened mission building.

"Problem is, you think you're blazin' like suns, when really you're burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness," a solidly-built, dark-haired man sneered at the group as he calmly walked out of the darkened mission towards the good guys. Caleb then said, "You havin' fun? Now, I hope my boys haven't worn you out too much – I need you fit for when I purify you."

"Save the sermon, padre. I heard you have something of mine," Buffy told the man wearing the clerical collar in a calm voice.

"Well, I do now," Caleb agreed, enjoying the look that instantly appeared on Buffy’s face. "You liked my little message, did you?

"You know, I ruined a perfectly good knife on that girl," the First Evil’s right arm complained as he drew closer. "Got her soiled blood all over the place. I may have to get a new truck.

"So, you're the Slayer," the demented preacher went on with his rant, as he finally stopped a few feet away from Buffy. "The slayer. The strongest, the fastest, the most aflame with that most precious invention of all mankind – the notion of goodness.

"The Slayer must, indeed, be powerful," Caleb said musingly, as then swung an unexpectedly quick punch at Buffy, sending her flying backwards into the rear wall.

"So, what else you got?" he demanded, a smug look on the would-be Big Bad's face as he looked down at Buffy, who was now sprawled on the plaza pavement stones several yards away.

"She's got us, moron," a male voice answered Caleb's question, and the faux preacher looked over to his left to see a second group of young people entering the plaza.

"Her friends," Xander continued his rejoinder as he and Faith led their group of reinforcements forward.

"Friends don't mean nothing, boy," Caleb sneered as he turned his attention towards the newcomers, not noticing how Buffy and the rest of her scouting group had all begun moving back and away from both his vicinity and that of his minions.

"Well, then, why don't you say hello to my little friend?" Harris asked, as he swung his M16A/M203 combination rifle/grenade launcher up from its position hanging under his arm and pointed it at the First Evil's primary representative on earth.

The wide smile Xander gave the other man as he pulled the trigger on the military-issue, fully automatic rifle he held, looked to be almost as demented as the one the preacher had been wearing a moment earlier.

"Wait a min–" Caleb began in sudden concern, before whatever he was about to say was interrupted by the hail of bullets which riddled his body and cut off his half-formed protests. Something which most likely would have gone along the lines of, "You can’t do that!!"

Faith and the other Potentials with their group immediately followed Xander's example and also opened up on the various groups of Bringers around them, the short bursts of gunfire allowing the young women to maintain sufficient control of their weapons to prevent any of the demented preacher's eyeless, mouthless followers from getting close to them.

Xander continued to fire controlled bursts into Caleb, making the preacher drop to the plaza pavement, where he spasmed and shuddered uncontrollably for the better part of a minute from the slugs slamming into him, before his body finally relaxed into the peace of death – even if his soul got aboard an express elevator straight to Hell.

"I think he's dead now, Xand," Buffy said quietly, once the carpenter had finished emptying his rifle's C-mag 100 round drum into Caleb's body. Buffy was shocked, not to mention somewhat revolted, by Xander’s violent display – she hated guns of any sort, which had less to do with being a Slayer than a being a young woman born and bred in southern California – but even she couldn’t argue with the construction worker-slash-gunslinger’s results.

"Hold on, just a minute, Buffster," Xander responded to her observation, as he dropped his primary weapon, allowing it to hang loosely by his side, before drawing a .45 M1911A1 from a hip holster and firing two additional hollowpoint rounds into the ostensibly dead body's forehead.

"Okay," he then said, as he returned his sidearm to its holster. "*Now*, he's dead," he announced, ignoring Buffy's shudder as she quickly glanced away from the stomach-turning mess which had been the preacher's head. "So what now?"

"I think I'm gonna go look for whatever it is that’s hidden here; maybe it’ll helps us out against the First," the blonde Chosen One quickly declared as she began hurrying away from the site of the slaughter and headed deeper into the former mission building. Demonic remains were so much easier to deal with – the way almost all of them either dissipated into nothingness, or they dissolved and were then absorbed into the ground.

Humans, even demonically-possessed ones, left a nasty mess behind them when they died, and the eldest Chosen One had a hard time not tossing her cookies whenever she had to look at such remains for too long.

Spike and several of the Potentials swiftly followed Buffy, the expressions on the girls' faces matching the Slayer's, while Spike wore the semi-bored expression he typically wore when he didn't want anyone to think he was in any way impressed by something he'd just witnessed.

"Boytoy." The vampire could hear Faith saying to Harris as she headed towards the carpenter/demon hunter. "I'm only gonna tell you this once, so listen up close – if I *ever* hear you using that stupid line again, I'm gonna tell everyone who'll listen that you tried to use it on me, that first night we got together!"

Repressing the smirk, which was threatening to take control of his lips upon hearing the brunette Slayer's promise, Spike hurried to catch up with Buffy.

"So, Slayer. You were startin' to explain why it is that Droopy's so good at thinking like a nutcase, and why you were willing to let him lead the backup group you set up with those guns he grabbed from the Army base," he said, trying to sound casual as he did so.

Seeing the smirk on Buffy's lips as she listened to him, the vampire realized that the blonde Slayer had seen through his ruse; but playing along, Buffy merely shrugged and said, "It's because Xand's still got some – occasionally – useful bits leftover from the costume he wore on Halloween a few years back, stuck in his head."

"You wouldn't be talking about that bloody psychopath that was running loose and shootin' up the whole bloody town five, nearly six years ago, would you?" Spike demanded after a moment's brief consideration, a shocked and disbelieving expression on his face as he stared at Buffy.

"That same freakin' maniac who shot up most of Willy's Bar because Willy wouldn't pay him any protection money?" he said, his comment eliciting a giggle from Buffy. "*That* bleedin' psycho was *Droopy*?"

"Well, technically speaking, no, it wasn't," Buffy shook her head in response to Spike's question.

"The 'shooting up Willy's bar' thing, that was actually done by a guy called Tony Montana."


Author's Post-Script: For anyone who hasn't identified it yet, the crossover is with the movie, 'Scarface,' starring Al Pacino as Tony Montana.

The End

You have reached the end of "With Some Help From My Little Friend...". This story is complete.

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