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The Undead Entropy Anomaly

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Summary: Sheldon's reaction to vampires isn't quite what the girls expected

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > Big Bang TheorygrundyFR1311,1072183,41126 Aug 1226 Aug 12Yes
Disclaimer: Buffy belongs to Joss. Big Bang Theory (the show, not the theory) belongs to Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady. No money is being made here, it's all in good fun.

The law that entropy always increases, holds, I think, the supreme position among the laws of Nature. If someone points out to you that your pet theory of the universe is in disagreement with Maxwell's equations — then so much the worse for Maxwell's equations. If it is found to be contradicted by observation — well, these experimentalists do bungle things sometimes. But if your theory is found to be against the second law of thermodynamics I can give you no hope; there is nothing for it but to collapse in deepest humiliation.
     -Sir Arthur Stanley Eddington

Penny wasn’t sure what to think when she got the text. She had initially been suspicious of the woman Leonard was subletting his room to while he was in Switzerland. That had lasted until she’d been in the guys’ apartment 5 minutes while Dr. Summers was present. Dawn had no problems dealing with Sheldon- if anything, she was even more unfazed by his quirks than Penny. After that, the only surprise was that Sheldon wasn’t more dismissive of Dawn- he had a tendency to treat degrees in the humanities as little more than high school diplomas.

Dawn also dealt with Raj and Howard beautifully. (Particularly Howard- that was a memory Penny was going to treasure for quite some time. Fortunately, Bernadette hadn’t been there to see it. Penny had been sworn to secrecy, though Dawn had refused to promise anything.) She also didn’t hesitate to stick up for Sheldon if she thought the guys were getting too nasty, and Penny had fielded more than one aggrieved phone call from Leonard complaining that he’d somehow been pranked from California after saying something that he hadn’t thought was really that offensive to Sheldon in Dr. Summers’ hearing.

So when she saw OMG help Sheldon’s freaking out and I don’t know what to say! Please don’t be working!! appear on her phone- well, it could cover almost anything, really, and Penny was a little concerned at what their resident genius whackadoodle could be going off about that Dawn wouldn’t know how to handle. Fortunately for Dawn, Penny wasn’t working- she was just a short walk across the hall.

She knocked and was pretty sure she hadn’t even taken her hand away from the door before Dawn called, “Oh thank goddess. Penny!”

She walked in to see Sheldon in front of a whiteboard covered with furious scribbles that meant nothing to her, but clearly looking aggrieved.

“Penny! Did you know that vampires are real?” Sheldon demanded.

Penny cocked her head to the side and pinned Dawn with her best ‘what were you thinking’ look.

“Why on earth did you tell him that? You should have known it would set him off!”

“I couldn’t help it! One attacked me while we were walking home, and I didn’t think, I just staked!” Dawn wailed. “He saw the whole thing, and Sheldon is the last person on earth who would buy the standard ‘gangs on PCP’ excuse. Besides, he wasn’t upset about the existence of vampires. Well, he sort of is, but that’s not the problem.”

Now Penny was lost.

“Ok, so what’s the problem?”

“The problem is he wants to write papers about it! Physics papers! And he refuses to hear that that way lies him being locked in a rubber room!”

The light slowly dawned. Except-

“Physics papers, Sheldon? On vampires?”

“Their existence according to the rules Dawn has laid out is a clear violation of the laws of thermodynamics, Penny! They shouldn’t be possible! Look!”

Sheldon waved indignantly at his calculations.

“Sweetie, you know I don’t understand your modern art,” Penny said reproachfully. “Besides, I thought you two told me that all theories in science can be reassessed if new observations come to light that contradict them?”

She was kind of proud of herself for remembering all that, particularly since Sheldon had originally tossed it off at light speed in the context of a completely different argument.

“Not the second law of thermodynamics, Penny! As Sir Arthur Stanley Eddington once said-“

“Sheldon,” Dawn interrupted, cutting him off before he could really get going. “Can’t you just accept that vampires are like Fight Club?”

“How are vampires like Fight Club?” Sheldon asked.

“You don’t talk about Fight Club,” Dawn replied. “And you definitely don’t write physics papers about Fight Club. Even though that would probably be easier and get you in less trouble.”

“But-“

Now it was Penny’s turn to interrupt. She got why Dawn had needed backup. From the looks of the whiteboard, Sheldon had been refusing to hear reason on this all evening.

“Sweetie, I get that vampires are somehow a violation of this very important physics law-“

She heard Dawn mutter something but kept talking overtop of it, especially when Sheldon started to bristle in outrage at whatever she’d said.

“-but you have to think of the greater good. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, right?”

Sheldon’s eyes widened to hear her quoting Spock.

“Well,” she continued. “In this case, if you published your paper, wouldn’t other physicists need to try to observe vampires to confirm your observations?”

“Possibly,” Sheldon said.

“Don’t you think that would be a little bit dangerous, sweetie? From what I’ve seen, most physicists have trouble with paintball, and you’re going to point them at vampires?”

“I guess so,” Sheldon conceded sulkily, knowing where this was going.

“So wouldn’t the needs of the many in this case require that you keep your knowledge to yourself, for the greater good?”

Dawn’s eyes lit up.

“Exactly, Sheldon. It’s like you found out Batman’s secret identity. Telling would cause more harm than good, so you have to keep the secret.”

“If you girls insist,” Sheldon said, still slightly put upon.

“You can still argue thermodynamics with Dawn all you want,” Penny added magnanimously, with a wicked grin at Dawn.

“Yes, Dr. Summers, as a vampire expert you should be qualified to answer-“ Sheldon started up instantly.

“Sheldon, if you really want to do this, there’s someone I can have talk to you who knows the supernatural and has an advanced degree in physics, but why do the thermodynamics of vampires upset you so much?” Dawn demanded. “Your entire life outside of work is structured around fighting entropy! You label all the kitchen implements and know if any of them is more than one centimeter out of place!”

On that note, Penny decided it was time to make her escape. She’d make it up to Dawn with ice cream later, but sometimes it was nice to let Sheldon argue with a worthy opponent who could be trusted not to fight dirty.

The End

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