September 3, 2017
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Harry Potter. All rights remain. Written for fun, not profit.
Summary: Xander gets a letter telling him what houses his kids were sorted into. Maybe he should have read that copy of Hogwarts, A History.
Author's notes: Since you guys asked so nicely. For twistedshorts August Fic-A-Day. We'll get back to the kids later, promise.The Children are our Future
September 3, 2017
Xander liked being the type of boss who could wear a pirate hat during a teleconference. He wasn't sure what that said about him as a person, but he knew he was lucky to have site managers who still respected him at the end of the day.
Boring stuff officially over, he shut the laptop and leaned back in his chair, suddenly in awe of his life. Even the parts of if that didn't involve averting Apocalypses… Apocalypsi? Whatever. The domestic aspects of his day-to-day were still mindboggling to him.
If anyone in high school would have told him he'd one day own his own construction company and co-run an international organization devoted to saving the world from big bads, he would have…well, he probably would have shouted "a-ha!" and made faces at the kids who called him a loser. Because, he knew the part that would have really stunned his younger self—"Hey, past-me, you know how you're crushing on the Slayer right now? Well, her little sister—yeah, that adorable whiny squirt who follows you around?—ends up being your soulmate and you have two, soon to be three, kids with her. Oh, and you also gave Willow a baby, you stud you—she's a lesbian, by the way, so don't go feeling overly accomplished."
Yeah, it was probably a good thing that he couldn't time travel, since he'd obviously forget to mention the important things to his past self, like how to defeat some ultimate evil a half dozen times over.
Xander smirked at the tiny girl sitting, cross-legged on one side of his wide desk. "Is that your subtle way of asking me if I'm done with work stuff?"
Tara, Willow's round-cheeked mini-me, held her chin in her hands, elbows propped on her folded knees, waiting patiently. She nodded once, never the chattiest of five-year-olds unless given sugar or caffeine, and her shy smile grew. Xander narrowed his one-eyed gaze on her, as if examining her.
She'd remained absolutely silent throughout his meeting, but she'd driven a hard bargain. In return for the quiet time, she'd demanded he wear the pirate hat for the rest of the day. How he'd been left babysitting her, even he wasn't sure. Obviously the women in his life were conspiring against him. He suddenly greatly missed his son.
Buffy and Dawn were out shopping, and Willow was strengthening the wards she'd placed around the castle over a decade ago—frankly he'd been surprised when his ladies had suggested they stay at the castle while getting the twins ready to start school.
This place didn't exactly hold happy memories for them, especially after what happened when the then-army of slayers began to slowly lose their supernatural strength. Restoring balance to the sides of good and evil? Yeah, the power-recall-via-PTB had done that. But it had also left a hell of a lot of girls yearning for that taste of power they'd once had. The aftermath had not been pretty. Willow had even lost her girlfriend at the time, Kennedy, over hard feelings. So, when she had been the first one to suggest they extend their stay here in Scotland, at least for a month, in order to make sure the twins were really safe off at this Hogwarts place, he'd been both delighted and wary. But, as it turned out, the past was truly in the past, and they'd fallen into a route at the estate, as if they'd never left it twelve years ago.
As if she'd known he was thinking about her, Willow slipped into the library, clapping her hands together loudly.
"Finished!" she announced, looking drained but thoroughly pleased with herself. "This place is officially demon-proof. How was my little monkey?"
"Evil," Xander noted, tapping his hat once. Really, while a tricorn might have looked odd to a couple guys in construction, he was pretty certain the folks he'd been hanging out with over the past week wouldn't bat a lash at it. In fact, he'd probably blend in better at that Diagon Alley place where he'd taken Jesse and Joy to buy their school supplies. What was with wizards and the old timey fashions anyhow? "She destroyed a small village, robbed a bank, and broke a prince's heart. You know, the usual."
Tara giggled into her hands. "Nu-uh," she said, rolling her eyes. "We played pirate, Mommy."
Xander shrugged, then glanced up at his friend in surprise. "Hey, didn't you say that ward would take all day to put up?"
Willow reached out, helping her daughter scramble off the high desk, and avoided Xander's question. "So, what do you two want for supper tonight?"
Xander stood up, swiftly circling the desk. "Wills—did you have some help finishing up? I didn't hear anyone arrive."
Willow shrugged, mimicking him.
"Huh…" Xander raised a brow, automatically suspicious. "Is that help the reason this castle is so clean, even though we haven't been here in years? And the reason the beds are always made by the time I get out of the bathroom in the morning, and Tara's toys are always put away after I turn my back?"
Willow looked a little flustered. She sighed. "Okay, well, see, I might have hired some…housecleaners a couple years ago. You told me to find a groundskeeper…and I did."
That was unexpected. He had thought she'd confess to putting some weird cleaning spell in place. "What kind of housecleaners? And why haven't I seen them yet? We've been staying here for nearly a week now...Are they ninjas? Please tell me you hired ninjas."
Tara jumped up on the balls of her feet, giddy. "Can we tell Uncle Xander about the elves now, Mommy? Can we?"
The study's doors opened before he could sputter out anything else, and he looked up in time to see his wife and sister-in-law step past, still carrying shopping bags in each hand.
"Did someone say elves?"Buffy asked. "Oh, did you finally tell Xander about the house elves who've been cooking his meals? Did he freak out like you thought he would?"
Willow waved a hand to shut her up.
Xander blinked, mouth agape. "My food? Something's been touching my food
Dawn chuckled, giving him a one armed hug. "Honey, admit it—you knew that none of us had suddenly learned how to cook all your favorite dishes. Deep down, you knew the elves were there—okay, well maybe not elves specifically…" She shook her head. "Back to stuff of the important—"
Elves living in his home weren't important? But Xander didn't have time to reply before he received a handful of pamphlets, all donning moving images of witches rocking babies. Looked like his wife had went back to the wizarding village after all.
"I know we were planning on using a muggle hospital—but there's a really nifty Magical Midwife agency Buffy and I found and…" Dawn rattled on a moment before Xander raised a finger, pressing it against her lips to stop her.
"Elves," he repeated, slowly, "are cooking my food." He let the comment sit, ignoring the way the women traded glances. He shook his head. "Sorry, just had to say it aloud. As neat as the wizarding healthcare system is…I've got something you might find even more interesting."
He reached down to his desk, picking up a folded set of letters. "I've got to say, my teleconference almost went weird, weird even for me, when an owl flew in and dropped off the mail. Thankfully, the guys just think it's an 'English thing'."
Dawn squealed with delight, snatching the letters and unfolding them. Buffy and Willow scrambled for a spot behind her, so they could read over her shoulder. Xander gave the trio a grin.
"Apparently, our kids being our kids
, have already begun to make friends and enemies at their new school…" Xander gave them a moment to finish reading before continuing. "What's with the weird 'houses' thing? What's that, like cabins in summer camp?"
"Something like that," Willow muttered, brow furrowed as she read. "Oh, dear—"
"Yeah, I know, right?" Dawn said, frowning. She sighed. "This is going to be a long
year. Make that seven years."
Xander and Buffy shared a glance, obviously out of the loop. Buffy cleared her throat. "What's with the uh-oh faces, guys? So, Joy doesn't like Jesse's new little friend James—they're eleven and twelve. A little too early to claim a nemesis, isn't it?"
"It's not that," Dawn groaned. "It's that our son was sorted into Gryffindor with his new friend and that Joy…" She shook her head. "Well, she's obviously mine, isn't she? Mad at her brother, so she asked the sorting hat to put her in Gryffindor's arch rival house, Slytherin."
"Rival house?" Buffy asked
"I didn't even know they could ask the hat," Willow said, looking grim.
Little Tara's eyes widened dramatically. "Oh no…" she breathed. "Slytherin versus Gryffindor."
The pre-schooler officially knew more than him now. Xander frowned. "Am I missing something? So the twins won't be sleeping in the same dormitory—they need some time apart. Heck, I'd be more afraid if they did
have to spend all their free time in the same room."
Willow and Dawn glared his way.
"You didn't read Hogwarts, A History,
did you?" his wife asked.
Busted. Xander's grin wobbled. "So, these house elves...think they know how to make a Mai Tai?"