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Slayer, Vampire...Weevil?

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Summary: A slayer and a vampire walk into a bar...only to be arrested

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Dr. Who/Torchwood > Buffy-CenteredLycanFR1812,367081,3233 Sep 123 Sep 12No
Title: Slayer, Vampire...Weevil?
Summary: A slayer and a vampire walk into a bar, only to be arrested.
Warning: m/f, m/m, language, voilence
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Buffy/Spike
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of the fandoms. They belong to Joss, Russell, the cast and crew. I only claim this story arch.
Feedback: Yes, please.
AN: Set in season 4 of Buffy and season 2 of Torchwood. After Spike's chip but before ADAM, and before set between To The Last Man and Meat.

"Buffy!" Xander threw the sword to the Slayer as the 6'3 demon charged towards her. It left him weaponless, but he was standing on one of the cemetery's many mausoleums as a lookout and to have the height advantage needed. After all, there was at least half a dozen of the demons coming at them, all tall and wide. "Willow, behind you!"

The redheaded witch spun in a wild circle, her axe catching one in the side. It still came towards her, though, and she turned with a squeak. She began to run. Oz wasn't too far behind her, fending off his own demon with his own sword.

The demon was faster and wasn't even slowed by the axe in its side. It roared in anger and sped up, charging after the puny woman who had dared to strike him.

"Hey, ugly! Chase this!" Buffy called, once more throwing away her weapon to save one of her friends. Her sword sailed through the air and when the demon turned, it caught him in the neck.

It stumbled and emitted a pained sound before falling to the ground, landing on his side with the axe buried and helping to kill him even quicker.

"Thanks, Buffy," Willow called to her breathlessly, ducking another demon's sweeping arm and snatching her other sword from the ground, where she'd dropped it early. Somehow, she found herself back to back with her boyfriend, both of them spinning in a slow circle as two of the demons went after them. "There's more coming!"

Buffy, unlike her friends, was defending herself from three of the demons by her lonesome. So she was completely unprepared for the demon sneaking up behind her. Well, sneaking was a bit of an exaggeration - they were far too big for that; but she was a bit preoccupied.

One large, scaled hand reached out for the diminutive Slayer. Its large mouth split into a wide grin at the sure-defeat of their enemy. But that grin was completely erased as pain consumed its entire body. Fire spread rapidly from its lower back, up to its head and down to its feet before spreading to the front.

"Giles!" Xander called out happily.

The tweedy Englishman had been called when it had became obvious that they would need backup. There were too many of the demons for just the four of them to fight. Five, now - six, if you counted the blond vampire Giles was dragging behind him.

The Watcher had used magic to get rid of the demon sneaking up behind his Slayer. He didn't like using magic because of his previous addiction, but he'd do what he could to keep the teenager...young woman, safe.

"Alright, alright, let go already!" Spike complained.

Giles handed him a large sword from the bag he had brought with him before pushing the vampire forward. "Go on, then. Watch her back!" he ordered. He retrieved another sword and began to attack. "Fire works just as well!" he reminded, seeing them not even bothering with fire.

"On it, G-man!" Xander called, catching the lighter Oz threw him and lighting an arrow before loading it into the crossbow and firing. It caught a demon wandering a little too close to Giles, leaving the older man defending himself against the one trying to rip his head off.

With Oz and Willow fighting back to back, and Buffy and Spike soon mirroring the pose, Giles made his way to the back of the mausoleum Xander was on, just in case their foe decided to attack the young man from behind.

Buffy's sword was grabbed and she soon found herself flying through the air. She tucked her body close and grunted as she landed hard on her back, but was quick to roll to the side as the foot intended for her face smashed into the grass instead. She followed the roll to get to her feet, squaring off against the bigger creature.

"Willow!" Oz's yell was more of a growl as the witch was knocked aside. "Willow?"

"I'm ok," she rasped, pushing herself to her feet. She still held a sword, even if her right side really hurt. "I'm ok," she repeated, a bit more firmly.

"Slayer," one of the demons grumbled in guttural English. "Slayer, die."

"Heard that before." Once again weaponless but sick of being tossed around like a rag-doll, she held up her fists.

"Think you owe me," Spike informed gleefully, as he cut off the head of the advancing demon.

"Yeah, right. You got in my way," she threw at him with a glare.

" don't want this, then?" he held up her sword.

"Oh - give me that!" She snatched it from him and turned, letting out a growl of her own when he just laughed. "Idiot."

"Oh, I'm hurt, Slayer. Cut to the quick."

"You will be, once I've dealt with this lot," she grumbled, even as their backs met once more. She raised her voice even as yet another demon advanced on her. "What're you doing here, anyway?"

"Savin' your life, looks like," he snarked back, smirking even though she couldn't see.

She snorted. "Looks like a small wind would blow you over! And, god, I've been spending too much time with Giles!"

"You're one to talk. You're what, fifty soaking wet?"

"God, I hate you!" In her anger, she aimed her sword and decapitated yet another demon. "And just how many more of these are there!" she yelled. "Why...won'" she demanded, slashing at another.

"Slayer. Slayer, die," said the same on from before.

"Not much for talkin', are they?" Spike asked.

Another demon yelled something and suddenly they were all pulling back. Confused, Buffy began to follow them, Spike hot on her trail. The others, save Xander, tried to follow, but they moved too fast and soon lost track of them.

Willow looked around in dismay. "Where'd they go?"

"Why are you following me?" Buffy demanded, even as she ran after the retreating horde of freakishly tall demons.

"Don't get any ideas," Spike snapped back. "You're the only thing between me and a stake."

"Don't tempt me."

They ran in silence after that, their supernatural strength giving them the ability to almost catch up to the horde and not break a sweat. Their swords were clenched in their dominant hands, but they both had some smaller weapons on their person.

One of the demons slowed to a stop and turned to face them, forcing them to stop and attack. The demon didn't seem to mind, however, and batted them out of the way like they were annoying flies. They both got to their feet, though, and charged again - only to the same result.

"Slayer, die," it spoke, and waved its hand. A portal opened behind him, getting bigger with each second. Blue, purple, and orange swirled together somehow fading to white in the middle. Buffy blinked and stumbled to her feet. The demon turned to stare down at her, its eyes the same colour as the portal. "Slayer, die."

"Slayer!" Spike called out in a shout.

Its hand snapped out and caught her by the throat. It chuckled, not fazed by her struggles or attempts to hit it, and threw her aside - directly into the portal. She screamed, but it had turned its back and was approaching Spike, who'd just stumbled to his own feet. He charged the demon, sword high, but the demon caught his hands in one of its own and twisted. Spike cried out as both his wrists snapped, followed by his right arm dislocating at the elbow.

"Vampire, die." The demon's other hand clutched Spike by the throat and lifted him off the ground, shaking him a little before throwing him into the portal after the blond Slayer. "Die!" The demon crowed.

"Ugh." Buffy pushed herself up to her knees and pressed a hand to her head. "If I drank, I'd be worried." She settled herself more comfortably on the ground and then stilled, feeling sick to her stomach. When the feeling passed, she cautiously opened her eyes, keeping one hand to her head. "What happened?"

"Damned if I know, Slayer."

She slowly turned her head to see Spike lying on his back a few feet away. It was night, which was fortunate; she didn't think he could move. Then again, she didn't think she'd do so well, either.

"Any idea where we are?" She still had her sword and other assortment of weapons and an internal inventory had her confident that their were no broken bones, only bruises and a bump to the head - which was probably what she landed on. He didn't reply and she didn't press, instead deciding to concentrate on getting the dizziness to go away. When it did, she pushed herself to her feet and slowly approached him. "What happened to you?"

His sword was lying a few feet away from him and he was cradling his right arm tight to his body. His face was creased up in pain and there was blood running down the left side of his face.

"Thing One threw me in after you," he grumbled, slowly blinking his eyes before sitting with a grimace of pain. Annoyed when she just stood there, he began to ease his coat off his right arm to fix the damage - and it wasn't easy with a broken wrist.

Buffy could tell from the swelling that his right arm was in some trouble. It was obvious that he wasn't going to ask for help - enemies, after all. So, the Slayer huffed and knelt down. Gently placing her sword on the ground, she wrapped both arms around his right.

"Hold still," she ordered, acting fast as jerking his arm into place before he could protest. Ignoring the scream of pain - which was mostly because she'd surprised him and he hadn't been able to prepare himself for the pain - she twisted his elbow into place.

"Bit of warning would've been nice, Slayer," he grumbled.

"Oh, suck it up." She grabbed his wrist and snapped it into place. "Anywhere else, you big baby?"

He scowled, but reluctantly held out his left hand. Buffy snapped that wrist into place, too. Spike remained sitting while she picked up both their swords. Spike righted his coat and slowly stood. He wouldn't be able to do anything until his bones knitted together so he was forced to - once more - rely on his enemy to...ugh! keep him safe.

"Not in SunnyHell anymore, luv," he said to her, looking around.

"Don't call me that!" pause. "So, where are we?"

"Dunno. But there's a pub over there that we can ask."

"Pub?" she asked.

He rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh. "A bar, Slayer."

"Why didn't you just say that?" she grumbled. She started for the bar - pub - whatever, but paused. "What're we gonna do with these?" Buffy gestured at the swords and then at his face. "And you're all bloody."

He raised a scarred eyebrow at her. "'S my name, Slayer."

She heaved her own sigh. "I meant, you annoying bleached menace, you're bleeding."

Spike reached out and took both swords, wincing a little as he did so, and hid the swords in his long coat. He then searched his numerous pockets for a tissue. In the end, he pulled out a bundle of Giles' handkerchiefs, which he'd taken just to annoy the man. He tossed one to Buffy then scrubbed his face with another. And when they'd gotten the blood off, or most of it, they headed into the establishment.

"I.D." a burly security guard ordered of Buffy, while eyeing Spike suspiciously.

Cautiously, Buffy pulled out her student ID and handed it to him. He scanned it, looked her over, scanned it again, and then handed it back with an amused look.

"Uh, thanks," she mumbled.

"You might want to get a more realistic one that that," he offered, "there's no such thing as Sunnydale."

Spike pushed the petite blond forward - just harshly enough not to hurt her and therefore set off the chip - when she froze in shock. They made it into the bar and he pushed her to a seat and headed to the bar, where he ordered a pint for himself and a coke for her. Spike hated her, of course, but since they didn't know where they were, they needed to stick together. That, and - though he wouldn't admit it - he had promised Giles to watch her back. The man had enough Ripper in him to make him cautious now that he simply couldn't break the man.

Soon, he was sitting across from her. He pushed the drink to her and took a gulp of his own, glad that he'd always kept a bit of English money on him. "We're in Wales. England," he elaborated, when she looked at him blankly.

"No such thing as Sunnydale?" she asked softly.

"Different dimension. You never been in one?"

After a minute, she nodded. It surprised him, though it probably shouldn't have. "A few years ago. After..." she shrugged. "I got back."

"How'd you get back?"

"Same way I got in." Buffy took a sip of her drink and pulled a face. "What is this?"

"Coke. English soda," he sighed.

"What're we gonna do?" she asked softly, staring sadly into her drink.

He took another drink from his pint and opened his mouth to answer, but the feeling of a gun at the back of his head made him freeze. It was then he noticed that the pub had gone quiet, but he could still hear heartbeats. In front of him, Buffy's eyes had gone wide.

"You can come with me," the man standing behind Spike drawled in an American accent. "You're both under arrest."


End Chapter

The End?

You have reached the end of "Slayer, Vampire...Weevil?" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 3 Sep 12.

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