Category: Humor, Angst, Crossover
Season: Season Six
Related Episode(s): 521 Meridian
Featured Character(s): Daniel Jackson
Summary: While ascended, Daniel meets someone.
Author Notes: Feedback is always welcome.
Somewhere in another time, another place, another phase:
"AAARRRHHHGGG!" Cordelia yelled. "I am soooo bored. Why am I here? What is the point of all this? Would somebody tell me what's going on before I go nuts!"
As if on cue, a ghostly figure appeared in the distance.
`Finally. Thank god, now I'll know what I'm supposed to do,' she thought. `Of course, with my luck it'll probably be some disgusting slime monster.'
As her visitor came closer, Cordelia was able to make out more details. Human, male, about six feet tall, with light brown hair and wearing a white sweater.
`Well, thank god it's not a fungus demon,' she thought.
The man spotted Cordelia. Slowing down, he approached her hesitantly, stopping a few yards away. They stared at each other for several minutes.
"Well it's about time someone showed up," Cordelia snapped. "I've been stuck up here in `misty-magic' land for ages. What's the deal with keeping me in limbo like this?"
The man seemed taken aback by her attitude. After an awkward pause he stepped closer. "I'm pretty new at this ascension business myself. Actually, I was hoping you could tell me what's going on," the man said. "I'm Daniel, by the way."
"Nice to meet you," he said a shy smile lighting up his face.
"Let's cut right to the chase. What are you, an angel, a demon or are you some other kind of supernatural being?" Cordelia asked.
"None of the above," Daniel said, a puzzled frown creasing his brow. "I'm an archaeologist. Well, I'm not just an archaeologist, I have a Ph.D. in Egyptology and another in Linguistics too, and I minored in Anthropology," he said proudly.
`Great, trapped in a hell dimension with a geek,' she thought bitterly. `Why didn't TPTB just send Giles up here and really make my day.'
"How long have you been here?" Daniel asked.
"I'm not sure. It seems like forever. You're the first visitor I've had since I got here," she said.
"You mean to tell me that you've been stuck here the whole time you've been ascended?" Daniel said.
"You got that right. I've been marooned in this place ever since I left LA," Cordelia said.
"Ascension was basically one more bizarre event in the strange life of one Daniel Jackson, Ph.D.," he said sometime later. "I think I've set some kind of record for weirdness."
"There's no way your life could have been any stranger than mine," Cordelia replied.
"Don't be too sure of that," Daniel said. "My life started out normal, well, almost normal, but the last few years have been like a science fiction movie. You wouldn't believe it if I told you."
"Try me," Cordelia said.
"I really can't," Daniel said. "It's all classified."
Cordelia looked at Daniel in disbelief. "Daniel, we're ascended beings sitting on a cloud somewhere. I really don't think the government's going to track you down and put you in jail for talking to me."
"You have a point," Daniel said, laughing. "I guess under the circumstances the non-disclosure agreement I signed probably isn't in effect any more. To start at the beginning, back in the 1920's an archaeologist made a discovery in Giza, Egypt . . . . and then, after the lab explosion on the planet Colona . . . . . Anyway, here I am."
Cordelia stared at him, stunned into silence for several moments. `Okay, he's not such a geek after all,' she thought.
Rousing herself, she said, "Okay, you have a point there, Daniel, but I've seen some really unbelievable things in my time and your aliens don't even come close."
"You don't think that artificial wormholes, faster than light travel, and parasitic aliens masquerading as Egyptian gods are the strangest things you've ever heard of?" Daniel asked incredulously.
"Oh please. I grew up in Sunnydale."
"I don't care where you're from, your life couldn't have been more bizarre than mine," Daniel insisted.
"Daniel, if your life was a sci-fi movie, mine was straight out of a late-night horror flick," Cordelia said. "Nothing, and I mean nothing you've done could possible top MY life. Anyway, it all started when my family moved to a small town in California . . . . After the school blew up . . . ."
"Uh, uh" Daniel said, momentarily stunned into speechlessness. Recovering, he said, "I'll concede you had a more interesting adolescence than me, or anyone else I've ever met, but come on, I worked with an alien who has a baby god in his stomach."
"Not only did I go to high school with a witch, a werewolf and a vampire slayer; I've spent the last three years hunting various demons in LA with a former gang member, a British scholar, a physics major and a vampire with a soul," Cordelia riposted.
"Seriously?" Daniel said, unwilling to concede the honor.
"Yes, seriously," Cordelia said. "My high school was on a hellmouth, what other career choices did I have" she said with a nonchalant shrug.
"A hellmouth, right. You sound like a guy I knew at Oxford years ago. I lost touch with him, oh it must have been seven years ago. Last I heard he moved to California. I've always wondered what happened to Giles," Daniel said.
"Giles," Cordelia spluttered. "You mean Rupert Giles."
"Don't tell me you know him?" Daniel asked, startled.
"He worked at Sunnydale High. He was our librarian, he had this huge collection of occult books. He's the one who trained Buffy," Cordelia said.
"Buffy, the vampire slayer I told you about," she said.
"There's a vampire slayer named `Buffy'?" Daniel asked, barely containing his skepticism. "Somehow, a girl named `Buffy' doesn't sound like someone who'd fight vampires. Cruising the mall, maybe, but not taking on the forces of evil."
"I didn't name her," Cordelia snapped. "Anyway, Giles also helped Willow develop her wiccan powers."
"She's the witch I mentioned," Cordelia said.
"Willow, the teenaged witch? Well, I guess if you can have `Buffy, the vampire slayer', why not `Willow, the witch'," Daniel said. "And you really lived in LA and fought demons?"
"Yes, Daniel, I really did."
"Okay, okay, you definitely win," Daniel said. "Your life was far more bizarre than mine."
"I'm actually part demon myself," Cordelia confessed, glancing nervously at Daniel.
"That's . . . interesting."
"Oh god, I wish I hadn't told you," Cordelia said anxiously. "Now you'll hate me."
"Cordelia, over the last five years I personally have been infected with alien viruses, infiltrated by nanotechnology, brainwashed and two of my best friends have been `blended' with alien parasites. Given the circumstances, I think it would be a little hypocritical on my part to condemn you for not being fully human," said Daniel.
"You really don't mind?"
"Of course not. Hey, you're talking to a guy who's gone jello wrestling with an alien," Daniel said.
"Daniel, can I ask you something?" Cordelia said.
"Sure," Daniel replied.
"What's your honest opinion of this whole `higher being' thing?" she asked.
"My honest opinion? This ascension business is for the birds," Daniel said. "What's the use of having all these powers if I can't use them? It sounded like a good deal at the time, but it's not what I expected it to be. I miss my friends, even if one of them did drive me crazy, I miss my home, I miss my career, I miss coffee, I miss my books, and most of all, I miss feeling useful."
"I know, I feel the same way. I've been watching my friends and it's so frustrating not being able to help them," Cordelia said. "There's so much I want to do and I can't. Have you ever gone back to see anyone from your old life?"
"Once, to help a friend," he said.
"What happened? How did he react to seeing you?" Cordelia asked. "Was he surprised?"
"He threw a shoe at me," Daniel said. "I still can't believe he did that."
"He threw a shoe?"
"He thought I was a hallucination," Daniel said. "It didn't hurt, but still."
"So far, all I've done is sit here, where ever here is, doing absolutely nothing. I wish I hadn't ascended in the first place." Cordelia said. "I hate it, I want to go home."
"So do I," Daniel admitted. "I've decided to try to de-ascend."
"Do you think its possible?" Cordelia asked.
"I have reasons to think it might be. Last year another friend of mine ran into an ascended being who managed to regain his corporeal form. If he could do it, so can I," Daniel said confidently.
"I'm going to try too," Cordelia said. "Anything, even going head to head with a roomful of vampires, would be better than this."
"What will you do if it works?" asked Daniel.
"I'm going to go back to LA, and get my life back," Cordelia said. "Hey, if you make it, come on by the Hyperion and look me up."
"Sounds good. Or you could visit me in Colorado Springs. I had an apartment there, near the Air Force Academy, although knowing Jack, it was probably stripped two hours after I ascended," Daniel said. "I hope he found a good home for my fish."
"My best friend, Colonel Jack O'Neill, the one I told you about. I know, if I make it, I'll drag him off to LA to visit," Daniel said, gleefully imaging Jack's reaction to meeting a two hundred year old vampire, a demon karaoke singer, and various witches and werewolves. "It would serve him right for making me watch all that hockey."