A Buffy: The Vampire Slayer Mega crossover
Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy do. I also don’t own Star Trek. It belongs to Paramount.
Author’s Notes: 31 YAHF ficlets, with different characters having different costumes. Will range from slightly uncommon to total outlandish.
Chapter 4: October 4th “Spy vs Spy”
Buffy shifted in her costume. It was a rather bulky costume. A silvery uniform with rank insignia and even some personal weapons. She would later get Xander for suggesting the Star Trek Theme, even if the boy did manage to pull off a credible version of Garak. And from the looks of it, he was also really uncomfortable in his Cardassian costume. Willow had went as ghost, too embarrassed to wear the Klingon warrior outfit in public. Even though it looked good on her, she simply couldn't bring herself wear it in public. At least the probability was high that she wore it under her ghost costume.
Xander had jumped into the role of Garak, telling his children many tricks to sleaze out more candy. But she would have to act more aloof, her role demanded it.
When the spell hit, the costumes became flesh. Willow became a human ghost in a Klingon uniform, Xander became Garak and Buffy became the head of the Tal Shiar, daughter of Tasha Yar. Sela.
Sela looked at the chaos around her. This was, by all intents, Earth. But everything was off. The Romulan intelligence was reasonably sure that Earth wasn't overrun with monsters and, more important, combustion engine vehicles were almost unheard of. So there were 2 possibilities. Either she was in a Holodeck program, which was very unlikely, as she had been on the bridge of her personal warbird overseeing a risky operation to reshape the Alpha Quadrant. The other option was the interference of a powerful being. She feared that it was Q, she had heard about his plaguing of the Enterprise. It was just like him to arrange something like that. And truth be told, some Romulan captains had encountered the powerful trickster more than once.
“Buffy?” Someone behind her asked.
“What?” she replied. “I'm Sela. Who are you, child?” she inquired.
The young woman in Klingon Armor looked confused. “Come on, this isn't funny, Buffy. It's me, Willow.” she said.
Sela was equally confused. “I don't know a Willow or humans that freely wear Klingon Armor. I haven't heard of Halloween, either. So I guess that a transcendent being is involved here.” she stated.
Willow was totally lost now. “You mean like a god? But that's impossible. He doesn't interfere directly!” she stated, totally lost now.
Sela laughed harshly. “Believe me, girl, Q will interfere and make everyone as miserable as he can.” she rebutted.
“We need to get to safety. I have no intention to stay around for these monsters to try to find out if the like Romulan flesh.” Sela added.
On the way to Buffy's house they collected Garak. The ghost girl said something about this being another of her friends, Xander, Zander, whatever. Sela didn't care.
“My dear girl.” Garak began. “You said these monsters are the result of possession and magic. From your words I can also glean that we went as your friends and that we're from a reality that's fiction in your world.” he summed up what he had learned from Willow.
Sela laughed. “Now that's something different, Spy Master of the Obsidian Order.” she said to Garak.
Garak managed a really credible kicked puppy look. “Why, you wound me, dear Spy Mistress of the Tal Shiar. I do get the impression that you don't like me. And please, I'm merely a simple tailor.” he gave back.
Willow looked between the two spies. Something told her that she should better play chaperone here. There was something in the air between these spies. Either they'd kill each other or jump each others bones. Willow didn't want to find out which one would happen.
“Buffy, are you here?” a question came from the kitchen.
The spies pulled out 4 Disruptors and leveled them at the Kitchen door. Willow intervened. “Angel, I'm so glad to see you. Buffy and Xander became Spy Masters and I'm a ghost and the town goes wild and I don't know what happened and now you're the only one here who can actually touch something and ...”
Angel gently shushed the babbling ghost. “It's okay, Willow.” he gently told her. “I'd suggest you go to Giles, he's the one who can deal with something like that. Tell him everything, I'll take care of the spies.” he added.
Willow nodded and left though a wall. Seconds later she returned. “You need to help out Cordelia!” she shouted in panic.
Sela and Garak went out of the house, setting their Disruptors to low frequencies which would induce pain and stun the victims. They stunned a hairy beast and helped the girl in the Cat costume into the house. Cordalia complained that Party Town wouldn't take back her costume now, but she helped the other 3 people with barricading the house.
Suddenly Angel spotted Spike who was strolling down the street, enjoying the Chaos. “You three stay here. I have something to take care of.” he said and jumped out of a window to confront the younger Vampire.
The two spies looked at each other. “Secrets. They're always worth unveiling.” Garak finally said.
Sela smirked. “What would a tailor know about secrets?” she gave back haughtily.
Garak feigned hurt. “More than you could imagine, little girl.” he replied and grinned.
Cordelia was more than a bit lost, those two seemed ready to kill each other. “Couldn't you try to get along?” she asked rather annoyed.
Meanwhile Willow was in the library and relayed her tale to Giles. After some lengthy discussions they found out who had cast the spell and went to end it. All the while they prayed that there hadn't been too many unfortunate circumstances.
A.N.: Yep, a classical spy vs spy scenario. I really enjoyed writing the scenes between them. Let's see what a possible next morning brings. Omakes show one possible end for the evening and what it entails.
Buffy woke up with a groan. Her last memory were her rounds with the children and then nothing. She was warm and had a rather comfortable and warm pillow beneath her.
Slowly she brought her hand up, still not fully there.
“Stop it, Summers, I'm tired and they're still sore.” a female voice said beneath her.
A snore behind her shocked Buffy into action, she jumped up, throwing the other occupants out of her bed.
“Ow, damn it, Summers! Are you out of your mind now?” a very irate, very nude and totally awake Cordelia Chase bellowed at Buffy.
“Silence! I want to sleep!” came the drowsy voice of Xander who had dragged himself back into Buffy's bed. He was in the same state of undress as Cordelia and it could be seen plainly that there were more than just cosmetic lasting effects on him. The grey skin was a dead give-away.
Buffy looked down, and yes, she was also not clothed. Furthermore was she sore, so there was only one possibility. She ran to her vanity and looked at herself. True to form it wasn't a human Buffy who looked back at her, but a Buffy who had Romulan parents. There were also some hickeys on her and if their color was any indication, she was no longer human.
Cordelia had taken a look at Xander, fully gray and Buffy who had become rather green. “Great, I managed to get talked into a threesome with 2 Aliens.” she deadpanned and went about to search her clothes.
Buffy chose to wake Xander. He needed to see his own changes. “Xander, I have bad news.” she stated and held a mirror in front of his face.
Xander opened his eyes and Buffy was rewarded with a really heartfelt “That's not funny, Buffy.” When Xander looked at her instead of the Mirror his eyes went wide. “That on the other hand is funny.” he said and smirked. “You look good with Romulan ears.” he teased.
Buffy growled. “Xander, in case you didn't notice. You're a Cardassian now and I look like I had a Romulan parent! There is no way to hide that. Especially you can't hide. I need to hide my ears then I should be fine.”
Xander looked happily at Buffy. “Great, I have the best excuse to miss school. I'm an Alien now, the educational laws of the puny humans don't matter to me any more.” he exclaimed.
“Hey!” a fully clothed Cordelia threw in. “One of these puny humans is here!” she growled.
Xander looked like a deer in the headlights. “I'm going to regret the night, aren't I?” he said frightfully.
Cordelia grinned malevolently down at him. “Regret? No, that won't do. The word you should be looking for is...” she grinned and bent down to him, all the while grinning darker and darker. “Repeat.” she finished and left a baffled Xander. “You too, Summers. I enjoyed the night and I intend to have a repetition.” she said and left the 2 newly minted aliens.
Hours later a bickering Xander and Buffy arrived at the library. “I'm telling you it's all your fault. If you hadn't started sweet-talking Cordelia we wouldn't have ended in my bed!” came Buffy's voice.
Giles paled considerably. Buffy and Xander in one bed. With Miss Chase. That was a disaster waiting to happen. Especially when he considered the fuming Willow next to him. “I'll have to bring out the Absinthe it seems.” he muttered to himself.
Xander's reply was equally spirited. “Well, Garak was flirting with 2 beautiful specimens and they reciprocated his flirting. Especially you were thick on the flirting!” he gave back.
“Flirting? You call this hurling of insults and threats flirting? What happened to you, have you gone stupid?” Buffy shot back.
Willow had gone pale. “2 Tsunderes. That will not end well.”
Giles looked at her with sympathy. “I guess you'll need a medical shot of Whisky soon, too.” he said slowly.
When Buffy and Xander, still bickering, rounded the corner Giles stared. Then he went wordlessly into his office and came back with 2 bottles of Whisky and handed one to Willow. “Screw shots, we're going to need kegs to survive that.”
Angelus stared at Buffy and Xander. The Portal to Hell was open behind him. The Romulan and the Cardassian had him in their grips. “Was everything you told me a lie?” he wanted to know.
“What we told you was true.” Buffy answered honestly.
Angelus laughed bitterly. “The lies too?”
Xander smiled benevolently. “Especially the lies.” he said and shoved the wounded Angelus with Buffy's help into hell.
End Mini Omake
A.N.: Well, thus ends the 4th story. The Chaos of Halloween gave Xander and Buffy the memories and most abilities of 2 very dangerous Spy Masters. Unfortunately also parts of their personalities. Poor Willow and Giles, Aspirin and Whisky will become their best friends, soon. The unholy Trio of Cordelia, Buffy and Xander will drive them there.