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31 Never Was

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Thirty One". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: 31 things Xander never was.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered > Ficlet CollectionsLadyAvariceFR153218,57728168,8711 Oct 121 Nov 12Yes

Ch 2: Perfect Soldier

CH 1 Costume:
Coyote from Gargoyles

"There you trouble makers are!"

The three teens stiffened as the troll came up.

"Thought you'd get out of it, did you? Not this year! You three will be leading trick-or-treaters tomorrow night and your costumes must match. The theme is heroes."

Grinning the manipulative little underling stalked off with his clipboard and signatures.

The three traded a look.

"Well this is gonna suck."

"Ok Xander, I have to admit, the suit works."

Xander grinned as Buffy spun in place. Not many could actually pull off the pink suit and pumps, but somehow she did. Willow, for once not a ghost, walked next to him in army greens with her hair done in two twists.

He himself hadn't been able to get out of using spandex, but at least it wasn't that bad. The bike shorts were actually pretty comfortable and the guy at the store had had the fake handgun he'd needed to top the outfit off. The two dollar costume king lived!

Ethan was sweating, nervously backing away from the young man he'd sold the last handgun to earlier that day. Had he known what he was going to be come he'd have destroyed that gun himself.

"Now, now, chap, don't do anything hasty."


The handgun was leveled steadily, aimed right between the mage's eyes.

"Omae o korosu."


"This is very odd, none of you should have retained any part of your possessions."

Giles was rambling, polishing his glasses as he looked through all his books on possessions. Willow sighed, tossing one twist back over her shoulder as she continued to update the first aid kit. Honestly, how did they make it so long without a basic kit!?

"The benefits are rather nice though. Your medical abilities, Buffy's new tact, not to mention proper English. Xander's abilities as a hacker are certainly useful."

The red head winced. She knew she'd have to tell Giles about Xander's new littleā€¦. problem.

" Giles, there may be a few issues with Buffy and Xander."


"Hi guys."

Xander walked in, the loud shirt gone, but thankfully no bike shorts, laptop slung over one shoulder. Both Willow and Giles were sure that somewhere on his person was the now-very-real handgun.

Just as he opened his mouth to say something he froze, eyes wide, as wailing came from the hallway. Willow thought it may be what a banshee sounded like.


Giles blinked and Xander was gone. A blur of pink rushed into the room, looking around for the now absent teenager.

Willow sighed. This was so screwed up. "Yes Giles, issues."
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