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31 Never Was

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Thirty One". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: 31 things Xander never was.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered > Ficlet CollectionsLadyAvariceFR153218,57728168,8711 Oct 121 Nov 12Yes

Ch 3: Feeling Blue

CH 2 Costume: Heero Yuy from Gundam Wing

Xander sighed as the little boy giddily trotted off with the last gun, his mother giving him a grateful smile. Not even a vamp and he was saving the day!

But now what was he going to do for a costume?


Willow had escaped the dress-gush for a moment to see how he was doing, and apparently witnessed him giving the little boy the gun.

He was so gonna hear about this later.

But why was she holding up a tube of blue body paint?

"Add a cinnamon bun and what do you get?"

Xander's eyes widened and he grinned. The series had been a favorite of Jesse's and he had always compared him to Ax in the mall when he got hungry.

"Perfect, Wills. Thanks!"

And he was still the two-dollar costume king!

-Prince Jake? Tobias?-

He was alone in an unknown area, one moment in his scoop preparing for sleep and now somewhere in a human settlement. Being half-morphed was not acceptable.

"Xande… ooooh my gosh."

A pair of stalk-eyes grew back into place on his skull, swiveling to look at the human girl who'd run up behind him.

Instinct made him bring his tailblade around to smack the flat against her head and knock her out.

He jumped when it sailed right through her.

Willow was glad, for the first time that night; she'd worn that ghost sheet.

"Sooooo, I'm stuck?"

"Look at it this way, your science grades are going to skyrocket!"

Xander gave her a slightly sad smile, the one that reminded her of a kicked puppy.

"Human for two hours at a time. This is going to take a little work."

"Well Xander, you could train that new blade of yours and become quite the foe during patrols."

Giles was rubbing his glasses, proving that he wasn't as calm as he sounded, but the words had the desired effect.

Xander's expression lightened and he ran off with a wave, muttering about …shorms …or something.

Giles polished his glasses harder.


Buffy spun as the vampire that had been sneaking up on her dissolved into dust.

"Thanks, Xan!"

-No problem, Buff!-

He was blue, literally, and fuzzy, had that tail and those weird extra eyes…..


The last vamp was dust as Xander over shot and stumbled, looking like a baby horse on its first legs.

"Come on, I'll get you a post-slayage cinnamon roll."

Next to her Xander practically pranced at the mention of one of his two favorite treats.

Yup, he was still her Xander-shaped friend.
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