Title: The Joys? Of Kids
Pairings/Characters: Faith\Xander, Giles
Summary: When the Council need a baby-sitter, who’d they gonna call? Ghost-, oh sorry wrong show. Anyway, you get the idea. Written for the ‘My Fair Faith’ ficathon.
Ratings: PG-13 (Faith has a potty mouth, even around children).
Warnings: Extreme mushiness.
FIC: The Joys? Of Kids (1/1)
Cleveland, May ‘08
Faith closed her eyes, almost falling to sleep as Giles continued to go on.
And on, and on.
Jeez, prison shrink sessions had been more interesting that a web-camed meeting of the Council elite. Why she had to be here she had no idea, no-one trusted her to be head of toilet-cleaning, never mind anything that actually mattered.
“Next month is the fifth anniversary of the Mass Calling. In addition to our annual ball,” Faith smiled as the Council head droned on. The first ball had been the first time she’d danced with Xan, the first time he’d kissed her. It had taken until the second before she’d admitted she loved him.
That was her all over though, thorough.
She realised that Giles was continuing. “I think it would be wise to take the opportunity to have a meeting in person,” Giles stared disapprovingly when she groaned, “with all the major department heads to discuss our progress over these past five years. Xander,” the Englishman looked towards her man, “as head of our operations wing, you’ll of course have to be there. Buffy, as head Slayer your attendance is mandatory, ditto Willow as the leader of our magical arm. In addition, Harriet, as head of our south American arm, you’ll need to attend, Oliver, as head of our America West Operations, Justine, as head of America East, you’ll be expected of course, Robin, as chief trainer of the underage Slayers-.”
”Oh look,” Faith muttered, “there’s a fox in that their henhouse.” Cheatin’ bastard, if not for Xan’s intervention she might have backslid to her old slutty ways after Wood did the dirty on her.
Giles shot her another look before continuing. “Riley,” Faith couldn’t help a squirm at that name, “we’ll need you to fly in from the Orient. Robson, I want you and Groo to come in from Australia.” Faith grinned when there was no mention of her attending, being a flunky rather than one of the main players had a definite upside. While they were all getting bored shitless by G, she could be at that new death metal club Xan would never go to, getting her grind on.
“Giles,” it was Oliver Pike over the webcam, “the date you mentioned, I’ve got the kids. I’ll have to bring them with me.”
“Me too,” Harriet added.
“Me three,” Justine added, “I’ve got my nephew living with me now.”
“And I’ve got Forrest too,” Finn added.
“Don’t worry,” the Council head soothed, “my nephew is staying with me that weekend too. Faith will baby-sit them-.”
“Say what!” Faith sat bolt upright.
“Faith as a baby-sitter?” Buffy snorted. “They’ll all be smoking and stealing cars by the end of the night.”
”Better than becoming clothes dummies, B,” Faith snapped. “Or just dummies.”
“Ah then it’s agreed,” Giles smiled. “I’m sure you’ll do a fine job.”
”Ah fuck,” Faith groaned.
“I hope she’s not gonna use that language around my kids,” Justine worried.
* * *
“Six kids!” Faith paced her bedroom. “Six kids, how am I supposed to do this?”
“This from the woman who faced down The Serpent Cabal, The Dragonwalkers, The Star Savages, and turned down The All-Blazing Storm when it wanted to turn you into a false goddess,” Xander replied. “And you’re gonna wear a hole in the carpet.”
“First of all,” Faith spun to face her boyfriend. “It wasn’t a false goddess! And I was real flattered by the offer, it was just all the pain and carnage that went with it that made me turn them down-.”
”And kill The All-Blazing Storm.”
“Really not the point,” Faith shook her head. “I am so not cut out for this.”
”You’ll do fine,” Faith smiled reluctantly when Xander rose and tousled her hair, hands coming to rest on her shoulders. Somehow just being touched by Xan made her feel better about herself. “The kids’ll love you.”
”Oh yeah?” Faith chuckled, confidence buoyed. “Maybe I should get a nanny outfit?”
“They’re between 5 – 7, I don’t think the kids would appreciate that,” Xander grinned.
Faith smirked and raised a suggestive eyebrow. “Wasn’t thinkin’ for the kids, dumbass.”
* * *
Faith stared around the silent kids, her trepidation building. There was Randolph Giles, an unusually serious looking six year old, but that kinda figured what with him being a Giles AND English, talk about a double whammy. Then there was Frank Doyle, Harriet’s son, a five year old who even now seemed to fancy himself as a ladies man. Then there were Anne and Louise Pike, seven year old twin girls, Faith just thanked god that they weren’t identical, there was a complication she didn’t need. Then there was Josie Cooper, a sulky looking six year old. Although with hair that red, no wonder, serious handicap. And finally five year old Forrest Finn, Riley’s son.
Who was glaring suspiciously at her. “Hey,” Faith smiled weakly before self-consciously raising a hand and waving.
“My daddy says you went to jail,” the soldier’s son said, “and it was a good thing ‘cause you were nuts. But my daddy and mommy taught me to fight,” the boy continued. “So watch it!”
Faith slapped her forehead and groaned. Oh yeah, this was gonna be a walk in the park. “Shit.”
All the children paled and pulled back at her cursing. “You swore,” Randolph shook his head, a disapproving, yeah he was a Giles that was for damn sure, look on his face, “you have to put fifty pence in the swear box.”
”Swear bo-,” Faith counted to five before pulling out her wallet and tugging a ten dollar note from it, “I might as well put all this in. Don’t worry about change, I have a feelin’ there won’t be any by later.”
* * *
Faith led the six kids into the lounge, a lounge she and Xan had carefully made into a makeshift supermarket complete with empty food containers, monopoly money, and toy shopping carts, not to mention the cardboard boxes they’d stored the containers in. “How about we play shopping?” Faith suggested. And Angel thought he’d been to hell.
“Yaaaaa!” squealed Anne. “Shopping!”
”It’s your turn to be the shopkeeper, Anne!” Louise shouted.
The three boys however glared up at her. “We hate shopping!”
“Yeah,” Faith nodded, “preachin’ to the choir.”
* * *
”We’re bored with shopping!” shouted Forrest. “We wanna play something else!”
“’Kay,” Faith thought quickly. Suddenly an idea struck her from her own childhood. She’d never had much in the way of toys, so she’d had to make do with her own ingenuity. “Every one take their socks off and roll them into a ball.”
”Pooh!” Frank grabbed his nose.
”Hey,” Faith couldn’t help but grin as she hurriedly found the room bin and put it against the far wall, “you think the feet smell here, ya wanna smell my boy-friend’s. Now, got them all rolled up?” Six heads nodded. “Wicked. Now, you’ve all gotta stand against the near wall and try to throw their socks into the bin. Anyone who gets it in gets a packet of chips.” Six crestfallen faces turned to her. “’Kay,” she sighed. “Two packets.”
* * *
“I can’t get it in,” sobbed Louise as her sock ball fell just short of the bin.
Damn, she’d figured all of them would be able to manage, but no matter how many times she tried, Louise just came up short. She could just give the kid the chips, but that wasn’t the point. Being made a failure, ‘specially at this age, scarred a kid. “Hey,” Faith crouched down by the girl, “you can do it kid,” she whispered. “Just concentrate until all your world’s that bin, then imagine the ball going in. Believe in yourself, I do. And so do your mommy and daddy.”
Louise nodded, an unexpectedly serious look on her face. “Okay.” After a long minute staring at the bin, her arm went back and she released the sock.
”Yes!” Faith scooped the young girl up in her arms and whooped as the ball sailed into the bin. “She shoots she scores!” Suddenly embarrassed by her elation, she hurriedly put the girl down. “Well done, Lou. Now who wants their chips?” Faith grinned as six pairs of hands shot into the air.
Once the kids had started eating, Faith sat down on the couch. “This baby-sitting thing is easy,” Faith congratulated herself as she lit a cigarette.
“You can’t smoke!”
Faith started slightly at Anne’s scream. “Jesus, kid,” Faith muttered as she turned to the distraught girl, “what’s the sitch?”
The kid started at her harder than meant tone, then pointed a shaking finger at her cigarette. “Y….you can’t smoke,” the girl blubbered, “my daddy says people who smoke get ill. Then you won’t be c….cool aunt Faith anymore.”
”I’m cool Aunt Faith,” Faith caught herself in a half-smile. They actually freakin’ liked her!
“Yes,” Anne wiped at her red eyes. “A…and people who smoke die, we don’t want you to die.”
Suddenly the whole lot of them had red if not watery eyes. “Jesus,” she hurriedly put the cig out. “I won’t smoke anymore, ‘kay?” Faith smirked when her words were greeted by a chorus of ‘‘kays’.
Damn if the brats weren’t growin’ on her like a fungus.
* * *
“We’ve finished our crisps,” Randolph reported. “We want more games.”
”More games! More games!” the other rug-rats yelled in agreement.
Oh hell, she had a popular movement on her hands. Faith thought quickly, then, remembering the month she’d worked undercover as a croupier, grinned. “How about I show you some card tricks?”
“And the Ace is,” Faith palmed the card and then showed it to the others, the sixth card trick she’d shown the children greeted with appreciative clapping.
”Wow!” Randolph gasped. “That is wicked cool.”
Faith got a warm glow hearing the boy use her phrase. Then she noticed all the other kids were yawning and glanced at the clock. Damn, it was past ten and they were meant to be in bed for eight. “Bed now.”
“No!” Anne shook her head. “Please Aunt Faith!”
“Please!” Josie added.
“At least tell us a story about Slaying and vampires first,” Frank cooed.
“Just one then,” she sat on the couch, “now gather round.”
* * *
“Hey,” Xander whispered as he peered around the door, a smile tugging on his lips. He’d never dare tell her, but his denim lioness looked cute asleep on the couch, the children huddled around her. “We’re back.”
The moment he spoke, Faith shifted on the couch. His girl-friend looked at him, a brief look of embarrassment flickering across her face as she sinuously rose and nodded him back through the door. The moment they were both through the doorway, Faith had her hands around his face and lips crushed to his, tongue working eagerly into his mouth. When she pulled away, the curvy beauty left her forehead resting against his. “I’ve been thinkin’,” she murmured.
”I thought you only used your head for head-butt-, owww!” Xander rubbed his arm where Faith punched him.
”Don’t be a pus-, wimp,” Faith’s dark eyes darted towards the doorway. “Anyway, maybe I should stop smokin’.” The dark-eyed beauty licked her full lips. “’Specially if we’re gonna have a kid.”
“Really?” Xander again struggled to hide a smile. “That’s great.” It looked like his scheme had worked perfectly. Show Faith just what she was missing, and all her fears would melt away. Getting Giles and the parents to agree had been the tough bit, but he knew his girl was up to the job of baby-sitting.
And somehow he just knew she’d make a great mom.