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Ship of the Line: That's No MOON! That’s a...

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Summary: Xander gets a rather LARGE new toy.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Literature > Sci-Fi > Author: Jim BaenMnemorathFR1811,8015496,9625 Nov 125 Nov 12Yes
Disclaimer: If you can recognize anyone… I don’t own em.

The Entity blinked, metaphorically speaking. Being an AI, it could not do so literally. The last thing in its memory banks was a suicidal attack on the Enemies Battle Comp. Now it seemed it was back where it had spent millennia. Internal scans indicated full stores of weapons and auxiliary craft. There was also no indication on any repairs of battle damage or the damage caused during or after the mutiny. It was as if there was never any damage at all. As if it was brand new, fresh from the Fleet Yards of Anhur. External scans could find very little indication of Imperium technology. What could be found were the implants of two individuals, one of whom was the Entities commander. Quickly opening a communication channel, the Entity contacted his commander.

“Colin, we have a problem.”

“Obviously, I would appear to be on Earth in a small suburban area. The tech around me is outdated but appears brand new. Strange.”

“There is more to it then that Colin. The town you are in does not appear in any of my records. Additionally, scans of local frequencies and astrogation both tell me the date is October 31, 1996. Halloween.”

“That’s impossible. We are in the past?”

“Additionally I am detecting only your weapons and implants as well as one others as being the only examples of Imperium technology on the planet.”

“What about Anu?”

“The structure I am detecting under the Antarctic ice is defiantly not from the Imperium. It is also significantly more advanced then anything earth can produce, and potentially myself.”

“That’s a little worrying. Send a transport to pick me up. Contact whoever it is who’s implants you are sensing to meet me there.”

“Yes sir, transport is on the way.”

As there was little more it could do, the Entity settled in to wait until its commander was once more aboard.


Colin MacIntyre, First Emperor of the Fifth Imperium, was confused. He had awakened, standing in the middle of the street in his old Fleet Captain uniform, surrounded by small monsters. His conversation with his ship’s AI only confused him more. He turned his attention to the red-headed teen that seemed to think his name was Zander or something similar.

“Sorry, had a call. What were you saying?”

“Xander, quit playing around. It’s me, Willow. People have turned into their costumes.”

“I’m sorry. I am not this Zander. I am Senior Fleet Captain Colin MacIntyre.” Colin did not think that announcing himself as Emperor, if they were truly in the past, was a good idea. “I am the commanding officer of the Utu-class planetoid…”

“Oh, no! Not you too!” Willow interrupted. Suddenly there was a scream in the distance. “Oh no! Buffy! We have to find her. She dressed as a noblewoman.”

“And what did you dress as?” Colin asked as they headed in the direction of the scream.

“A ghost.” Was the simple reply. But the ghost of what was the question.

They soon came upon a girl dresses as an 18th century noblewoman sitting on the grass.

“Buffy!” Willow cried.

“I do not know who this ‘Buffy’ person is. My name is Elizabeth. I apologize for the outburst that drew you here. I was simply frightened by the strange horseless carriage. Can you tell me where we are?”

“Someplace called Sunnydale. My name is Captain Colin MacIntyre.”

"A pleasure to meet you Captain. My name is Elizabeth...Turner. Is your ship nearby? Perhaps I may book passage to Port Royal. I can pay you handsomely when we get there.”

“I have transport to my ship on the way. Perhaps I can take you to Port Royal once it gets here.”

“Thank you Captain.”

Colin suddenly sensed the presence of another set of implants. Once more, this was a set he recognized. When he spoke next, it was with a mix of surprise and joy,

“ ’Tanni?” Colin then got a good look at the approaching person. It was not his wife. Though the girl was similar in appearance, it was the details, such as the face, height, etc, that was off. Drawing his sidearm, Colin held it ready. “Wait, you are not ‘Tanni. Who are you?”

“Nor doth thou have the appearance of my husband. Though my heart doth tell me thou art my Colin.”

This was the final nail in the coffin for any doubts Colin had. Willow was correct. This made Colin sick to his stomach. This, possession, was far too close to the actions of Anu and his mutineers for Colin’s liking. When he explained the situation, Jiltanith agreed. Colin’s thoughts on the subject were interrupted when another figure stepped out of the darkness.

“Did I hear right, you are a Captain savvy?”

“I am.”

“I am a Captain myself, or I would be if I could find the Pearl. Have you seen her?”

“No Captain, but maybe Miss Turner has.”

The man dressed as a pirate, for it was fairly obvious that is what he was, froze at the name. Head whipping towards Lady Elizabeth, he spoke with a bit of fear in his voice.

“Your given name wouldn’t happen to be Elizabeth would it?”

“What of it?”

“If I may suggest Captain,” The pirate spoke to Colin once more. “Hide the rum.”

Once more a scream rent the night. Turning towards the sound, Colin beheld a young lady dressed as a cat being chased by what appeared to be a Sasquatch. Said Sasquatch was discouraged from further pursuit by Colin and Jiltanith’s weapons fire. Both being careful not to hit either the cat-girl or the Sasquatch for fear of harming an innocent. Though Willow had not known the people Jiltanith or the pirate had possessed, she knew the cat-girl.

“Cordellia! You are not a cat, you are a person!”

“Of course I am. What are you, high? Your more scatterbrained then normal.”

“Everyone has turned into their costumes. Xander thinks he is some sort of Captain. Buffy is a noblewoman. We have a pirate, who is strangely not gnarly, and…”

“Jiltanith MacIntyre, Executive Officer of the Utu-class planetoid…”

“What ever.” Cordellia interrupted. “If I ever find out who JoJo the dog-faced boy is, they are never getting a date again. Would you look at my costume. Now I will never get the deposit money back.”

“How is it you have not become your costume?”

“Obviously, I shop at a better class of store.”

Further discussion revealed that the costumes of those affected had been purchased at a place called ‘Ethan’s’, while Cordellia had rented hers from Party Town. While they were discussing what to do, the transport Colin called for arrived. The parasite battleship Nergal was not what Colin was expecting, but it would do.

“Willow, go to this Giles guy and see what he thinks of this situation. I will take everyone else up to my ship for safety, then come back to help.”

“It’s safe there?”

“No where safer.”



It had taken some explaining, waiting for Cordellia to get over he shock, but eventually everyone had boarded the Nergal. Further explanations and discussions both between the companions and between Colin and the ship’s AI lasted all the way back to the ship. The spell broke just as the group entered Command One leaving the possessed once more themselves, but retaining everything.

“Xander, where are we?”

“You would not believe me if I told you Buffy.”

“Tell me anyway.”

“Show her.” Xander spoke to the ship.

“Very well.” With that simple pronouncement, the presentation Xander remembered from Colin’s first time in Command One began to play. Xander left the others to view it as he headed to Colin’s favorite place to think. The last thing he heard from Command One was the sound of a body hitting the deck and a snide comment from Cordellia, it seemed Buffy had fainted.


Xander relaxed in the atrium of the Captains quarters, the heat from the Jacuzzi soothing sore muscles he didn’t know he had and allowing him to think. Xander knew what was coming, what was needed and that knowledge scared him.

“What art thou thinking my husband?”

The young lady that had been possessed by Jiltanith padded towards the whirlpool, clad in as much clothing as Xander, which is to say none. The part of Xander’s mind that was still an immature teenager idly wondered if the carpet matched the drapes as it was bare at the moment and he knew her hair color was not originally the blue-black she now sported.

“I am not your husband.”

“Thou art the same sort of man Colin was. Any woman would be proud to call thee husband Alexander.”

“Why do you call me that?”

“Thy name means ‘Defender of Man’. Methinks there be no truer appellation.”

“What about you? What shall we call you now?”

“Methinks ‘Tanni wouldt be acceptable. The girl I was and the girl I be art too different. Harmony Kendall hath died this night. Jiltanith Harris shalt be my name.” The raven haired former Cordette said as she settled into the water and cuddled upon Xander’s side. “What of thee? What shalt thou do now?”

“The same thing I have always done. Keep the world spinning, no matter the cost.”

“Then thou know what must be done.”


And that is how Alexander Lavelle Harris, Senior Fleet Captain, became the forty-fourth commanding officer of the Imperial Fleet unit Dahak, hull number 177291.


Col. Jack O’Neill, USAF, was sitting down to eat some of his favorite blue jello when the mess hall vanished.

“O’Neill, why is your moon hollow?”

“Thor, old buddy. Good to see you. Now what are you talking about?”

“Your moon is hollow. Observe, this is what is below the regolith.”

A hologram appeared between the two allies, showing a bronze-bright sphere, smooth save for some smoothly rounded protrusions. The only adornment that Jack could see as the image rotated was a three-headed dragon sprawled over one face of the sphere like a vast ensign, arrogant and proud. Though it covered a relatively small area, if Jack had the scale right, this dragon was the size of Montana.

“Thor, old buddy. That’s no moon, it’s a…”

AN: Yes, the entire fic was written just to give Jack that line. The problem I now have is where to go with it. Having Xander set up a company to gradually introduce imperial tech is obvious. But what about a antagonist? What in the Stargate universe is even a threat to Dahak? Nothing that I can think of.

Final Disclaimer: Colin, Jiltanith and Dahak were created by David Weber. Elizabeth and pirate are from Disney. Xander and company are owned by Joss Whedon and company.

The End

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