Can't You Attack Another City?
Can't You Attack Another City? I'm Sure Los Angeles is Nice This Time of Year...
Coulson held out a small, square box. "Before you go, here."
Putting the weekly pile of reports on the corner of his desk, Darcy gave a small squeal. "Ooo! I love pressies!" Quickly opening the box, she stared at the SHIELD badge on a heavy chain. "Umm... What?"
"Director Fury and I have been working to get certain individuals broader authority during crises. Of which, you are one. Plus, it will give you protection from the police if you are ever discovered on Council business."
Darcy rolled her eyes, "First, why do I need authority during a crisis? Second, the Council can get me out of any trouble I get into."
Calmly placing his pen on his desk, Coulson stared at the young woman in front of him. "If there is a situation, you would be using that badge to take command and lead civilians away from said situation. And, wouldn't it be better not to bring the Council 'to light' as it were, if it could be avoided?"
Darcy sighed as she closed the box. As she placed the box into her purse, she perked up and started to bounce a little. "Does that mean I get a title? Am I Agent Lewis? Can I arrest people? Can I shoot people? Can I squeeze them, and hug them, and call them George?"
Coulson picked up his pen and returned to his paperwork. "You're title is Special Agent Lewis. You could arrest people before. It's your right as an American to have the ability to make a citizens arrests. You already shoot too many people with your taser. And, what you do in your spare time, hopefully in your bedroom, is none of my business."
"Hey! We have a moratorium on my love life!" Darcy exclaimed.
Coulson glanced up at Darcy to give a quick glare before going back to his paperwork. "You brought it up."
Rolling her eyes, Darcy decided to take a different track. "Can I add that to my resume? Oh, and to my business cards?"
Coulson paused in writing and looked up. "You have business cards? And, why do you need a resume?"
"A girl's always have to have a resume handy, just in case an awesome job comes along. And, I gave you a business card when we first met," Darcy pointed out, the pulled a card out. "Remember?"
Coulson grabbed the card, which had been defaced. The original card had simply said 'NWC' for New Watchers Council and a toll free number. It now had scribbled on it in black ink 'Darcy Lewis' above the 'NWC' and 'kick ass assistant to portal creators' above the phone number. In the bottom corner, it read 'No affiliation to Aperture Science' in small block letters.
"See, I could make it say 'Special Agent Darcy Lewis, SHIELD'," Darcy said with a grin over Coulson's sigh.
Placing the card into one of his desk drawers. "Please tell me you aren't handing these out?"
"Nah," Darcy replied with a shake of her head. "I just wanted to see your face."
"I'll see you next week," Coulson said as he pointed towards his office door.
"Sure thing," Darcy said as she started to saunter out of the room. "Oh, the real cards will have my cell phone number on them."
Before he could retort, Darcy had left the room and shut the door behind her.
It had taken barely two weeks before Darcy would have to use her new found 'power'. She was sitting in a crowded coffee shop, calmly drinking her quadruple espresso, when the screams started.
A man can running into the shop yelling, "It's some type of giant robots!"
With a sigh, Darcy pulled her SHIELD badge and taser out her purse. After placing the badge over her head, she turned on her taser and turned to the shop. "All right, people. Let's calmly move towards the back of the store and exit through the alley," she said loudly as she repositioned her purse across her body to hang at one hip.
"Who the hell says you can tell us what to do?" a large man asked with a glare.
Darcy gave a glare back as she held her badge aloft. "One, the killer robots are on the main streets. Two, I'm Special Agent Lewis of SHIELD. Now, move it!"
Watching the front window, Darcy determined what direction the robots seemed to be coming from. Jogging after the fleeing civilians, she pointed away from the carnage that could be heard. "Go that way, and keep going until you either meet the barricade, or you can't hear the battle anymore."
"But, what about you?" one woman asked.
"I have to make sure there are no more people caught up in this," Darcy replied with what she hoped was a comforting smile, but was probably more of a grimace. "Now, go!"
With that, she jogged back through the coffee shop, grabbed her espresso drink, and continued through the front door of the store. Quickly gulping her drink, she looked around for anyone else caught in the battlefield.
She rolled her eyes as she spotted a whole group of people in a fast food restaurant with their faces nearly pressed to the glass front as they watched the battle happening a block away. "Idiots. Robots are coming to kill them, and they just watch in awe."
Striding through the door, she called out. "I'm Special Agent Lewis of SHIELD. You are to calmly walk to the back of the building and into the alley. From there, head away from the battle until you meet the barricade or you can't hear the fighting."
After clearing them out, she cautiously made her way closer to the battle, trying to find any more civilians. Finding a group of people in suits huddling behind a car, she motioned to them and called out, "Come with me. I'm with SHIELD, I'll get you out of here."
The three men and one woman quickly got up and ran towards Darcy. A few moments before they had reached her, a fifteen foot tall robot landed behind them and aimed a gun at the group.
"Well, crap," Darcy exclaimed as the business people ran past her. Raising her taser, she prepared to rush the robot. Hopefully, the voltage would short it out. Or, at least it would be aimed at her, and not the fleeing people.
What was a nearly two story robot suddenly became a pile of sparking scrap metal as the Hulk landed on it with a roar.
"Dude!" Darcy exclaimed with a grin as she lowered her taser. "You rock."
Captain America jogged over. "Are you alright?"
"Just dandy," Darcy said with a grin. "Is there more civilians that need led out?"
Steve cocked his head as if listening to something. "Tony says that scans show clear. They're all out."
"Coolio. Then my job is done," Darcy said with a heartfelt sigh.
Growling, the Hulk pointed behind Darcy.
"Gotcha. I am out of here," she replied to his non-verbal command with a nod. "Have fun smashing!" she shouted behind her with a wave as she ran off.
Blocks later, she encountered the police barricade and slowed down. As she reached it, she walked passed the police officer frantically waving her through. "I was told by the Avengers that this should be all the civilians," she calmly told the officer.
"Yes, ma'am," the officer replied as he pointed towards a matte black van. "The SHIELD mobile unit is over there."
Darcy nodded in thanks as she wove through the crowd, ignoring the questions of the people behind her. When she reached the van, the agent standing beside the passenger door waved her towards the back. "They'll want a situation report."
Opening the back door and spying Coulson, she sighed. "Of course it's you."
Coulson tranquilly handed over a clipboard full of paper and a pen. "Good to see you in one piece. Thought that stray robot was going to get you."
"I'm good," Darcy replied as glanced at the monitors in the van. She winced when she saw Hawkeye dive off a building on one of the screens. However, he was quickly caught by Iron Man and flown to the ground. Giving herself a shake, she turned away from the monitors and took the stack of paper. "Yay. I love paperwork."
"Good," Coulson said with a barely seen smirk.
Looking suspicious, Darcy asked. "Why is that good?"
"After your done with that, you'll be filling out the paperwork to join SHIELD's continuing basic training courses. You were slightly out of breath."
Darcy glared. "I just jogged twelve blocks!"
"Exactly," Coulson stated. "You may be 'semi-retired', but that doesn't mean you get to be totally lazy."
"I am so requesting a transfer," Darcy growled out as she stomped off to a nearby bench.
"Denied!" Coulson called out, his smirk more pronounced.
=====Darcy's 'business card'