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Hair Care

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Summary: While it wasn't as satisfying as punching him in the face, experience taught Hermione Granger that threatening Draco Malfoy's hair was one of the only ways to get him to do something he didn't want to do.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Non-BtVS/AtS StoriesHananeELmokkademFR1311,105031,16717 Dec 1217 Dec 12Yes
Hair Care

By Hanane EL Mokkadem



"Malfoy, would you hurry up, I'm not going to stand here waiting around all night for you to fix your stupid hair!" Hermione yelled annoyed.

"Shut your trap, Granger. I'll come out when I'm bloody well done!"

Hermione sighed. Having been through this idiotic little routine a thousand times before, she knew that if she didn't think of something to get Malfoy out of the bathroom soon, she'd probably be waiting there for the git all night.

Hermione once again cursed the fates, or in this instance Headmistress McGonagall, for making Draco Malfoy head-boy and wished for the millionth time that she had chosen Blaise Zabini instead.

Sure, Hermione would've wasted a lot of time protecting her virtue from the, too handsome for his own good, playboy, Slytherin, time she could have used for studying, but she was pretty sure it would be preferable to this. Anything was, really.

"Stupid git with his stupid hair," she muttered. "I could probably go out, do the bloody rounds all by myself and come back to find him still primping himself in front of that bloody mirror."

She tiredly rubbed her brow before slamming her fist on the bathroom door. "For Merlin's sake, Malfoy, what are you, a girl? Get your vain arse out of there, we've got work to do!"

"I already told you, Granger, I'm not ready!" he almost screamed.

'Well how about that, the stupid git really is a girl,' she thought amusedly.

She really needed to find a way to keep that vein prat away from mirrors. She knew from personal experience that trying to get Draco Malfoy out of the bathroom and away from a mirror was like trying to separate Ron Weasley from his food; basically impossible.

"You know, I've read somewhere that too much hair products can make your hair fall out...do you want to grow bald, Malfoy?"

The door opened with a bang revealing Draco Malfoy wearing his usual sneer. "Bite your tongue, Granger, I could never grow bald. Malfoy men are top of the line purebloods with fantastic hair, they don't have to deal with day-to-day things like premature baldness."

"Do Malfoy men have to deal with day-to-day things like head-boy duties, or did you just accept the title because you like wearing the badge?" she asked with a fake smile plastered on her face.

Malfoy cocked a brow before his lips curled into a superior smirk. "Of course not, Granger, Malfoys delegate. We leave the tasks that are deemed unworthy for a Malfoy's notice to subordinates like you. Hop to it, Granger, I've got issues with my hair."

Hermione examined his hair closely. "You sure do," she mused thoughtfully. "I actually think I can spot a couple of grey ones."

Malfoy panicked immediately. "Where?" he demanded horrified, before running back into the bathroom to check his precious locks in the mirror for any signs of pre-mature aging.

"Merlin, Malfoy! It was bloody joke, stop panicking, you narcissistic git."

Malfoy walked back in the room wearing an angry scowl. "What did I tell you last time about making jokes about my hair? My hair is really sensitive, Granger," he held his hands in front of his hair as if to protect it from her and lowered his voice. "It can hear you!" he added with a loud whisper.

Hermione watched him incredulously. "All that inbreeding has really done a number on your sanity, hasn't it?"

"Oh, go save some house elves, you Muggle!" he snapped back.

"I would, but I'm currently too busy waiting for a slimy git who is too absorbed with his own reflection to care about lowly things, like head-boy duties!" Hermione spat.

"Fine, Granger! I'll come with you to walk these stupid rounds, if it'll shut you the bloody hell up. But afterwards you're going to point out every grey hair you said you saw earlier."

Hermione groaned. "It was a joke, you idiot! Honestly, Malfoy, you need to get over this obsession you have with your hair. Have you tried not using hair products?"

Malfoy looked at her, face filled with horror. "Are you mad? If I'd stop using them my hair would be an absolute mess. I would look as bad as..." he watched her with disdain. "Well not you, because there is no way my hair would ever look that horrible. Ever. But it might look like Potter's."

He furrowed his brow in thought. "Come to think of it, that might even be a tad worse than looking like you."

When his eyes found the horrible disaster she dared to call hair, he shuddered. "On second thought, no, looking like you would definitely be worse."

Hermione could feel her anger burning. "Shut up you house-elf abusing degenerate! My hair is fine, mister 'I can't be seen in public with even one hair out of place'."

"Yes, well, unlike you, miss 'I'm trying to build a nest for all the homeless birds in the country' I actually care about the way I look."

Hermione glared angrily, doing all she could to stop herself from punching the arrogant prick in the face. The only reason she restrained herself was because she knew he would only use it against her. She could already hear all the annoying little remarks about being too much of a muggle to fight like a real witch. She could always go for her wand but experience taught her it wouldn't be a satisfying as a fist to the face, or a good insult.

Suddenly her glare changed into sly smirk. "You know, Malfoy, I'd start worrying about my own hair, if I were you. We do share a bathroom together you know, it would be so easy for me to slip a permanent balding potion into your hair products. So easy..."

Malfoy almost fainted at that declaration. "Don't even think about it, Granger. Or it will be the last thought you'll ever have."

"Whatever, Malfoy, just keep that ferrety face of yours away from the mirror when you're scheduled to walk patrols with me. Now, are you done being a git, and ready to do your duty, or should I start brewing?"

Draco gulped. "What mirror? I haven't seen any mirrors. Are you ready, Granger, I recon it's about time we go do our rounds, don't you think?" he drawled arrogantly, before hurrying to the portrait entrance of their head common room.

Hermione followed him with an amused smile on her face. "Yep," she murmured softly. "Even more satisfying than I thought it would be."



The End

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