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Summary: Faith Lehane makes an ill-advised wish on her dying breath. Miranda Lawson makes an ill-advised wish in a moment of frustration. Now Commander Faith Shepard is back from the dead and ready to kick ass, take names, and seduce asari.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Games > Sci-Fi > Mass Effect Trilogy(Moderator)JoeHundredaireFR1877,86913711,42420 Dec 1214 Jan 13No

Jeff "Joker" Moreau

Joe's Note: Oh, and just in case it's not exceptionally clear at this point… I'm not planning to do a blow-by-blow playthrough of the game. We'll see some moments from missions, some moments from between missions, some original content… and some missions or between mission moments from canon will be completely ignored. I'm after the slices of life showing how Faith interacts with the residents of the Mass Effect universe, not a "let's novelize two games, but using Faith instead of Shepard" story.

     Making her way from the CIC through what Alexis had affectionately thought of as 'the trench' on the original Normandy, Faith mutters softly and taps away at a datapad. Rather than just be a whiner, she's taken her list of grievances with the new ship's design and the simplified set of schematics that EDI was willing to part with, and is now trying her hand at playing interior designer. Some of it just involves playing Musical Rooms aboard the Normandy, like forcing Jacob to haul all the guns and armor down to the shuttle bay, while other ideas of hers are definitely going to require some credits to change hands while the ship is in dock.

     Faith looks up from her work as she reaches the cockpit, smirking at the familiar sound of two women moaning. She stands there for a few seconds, staring out the windows into deep space, before clearing her throat. The cockpit abruptly goes silent and then the pilot's chair slowly spins around to face her, revealing a familiar - and blushing - face. "Uh, sorry. That was supposed to go to my earpiece." Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau rubs the back of his neck sheepishly before spreading his arms wide, gesturing to his surroundings. "Can you believe this, Commander? It's my baby, better than new! It fits me like a glove!"

     "Good to hear." Faith slides past him on the right, throwing herself down into the… she's not entirely sure whose seat she's in. Is Joker stuck with a co-pilot on Miranda's orders these days? Is the navigator taking a piss? Eh, whatever. Her seat now. "Cuz unless they discovered a cure for Vrolik Syndrome while I was gone, it's the only glove you get to wear…"

     Joker snorts at that. "Oh sure, pick on the cripple. That's cool. Not." Spinning himself around to face forward again, he pats the armrests of his chair. "Gotta say, I'm digging the leather seats. Military may set the hardware standard, but on a first-gen frigate they can care less if the seats breathe. Civilian sector comfort by design."

     Before Faith can reply, a glowing blue orb pops up off to Joker's left. "The reproduction is not intended to be perfect, Mister Moreau. Seamless improvements were made."

     Shooting a glare over at EDI's holographic form, Joker sighs. "And there's the downside. I liked the Normandy when she was beautiful and quiet. Now she's got this… thing… I don't wanna talk about. It's like ship cancer."

     "I dunno, I kinda dig her. Well, now that I know she's here." Faith grimaces before leaning forward so she can peer past Joker at EDI's hologram. "By the way, my bad about shooting your projector in the CIC. I'll make sure that gets fixed ASAP."

     Joker slowly turns to stare at Faith, his mouth hanging over. "You shot EDI? Wow. I hate it like you wouldn't believe, and the worst I've done so far is…" Trailing off, Joker's eyes drop to the sleek white and purple Acolyte hanging from Faith's hip. "Actually, can I borrow that for a sec?"

     Scowling, Faith crosses her arms over her chest. "No. And it's not my fault, damn it. The last three billion AIs I've met have tried to kill me. I'm used to shooting anything with circuits that can think for itself."

     "While your behavior was more extreme than anticipated, Shepard, that was the overall reaction that the Illusive Man anticipated for precisely the reason you stated. That was why I chose to reveal myself when I did, rather than in the middle of combat." EDI's strange, vertical mouth pauses for a moment before continuing. "With that being said, our inventory does not currently include the parts to repair the damage you did to the CIC, and I would prefer to obtain quality replacements from the original supplier if possible. Coincidentally, Cord-Hislop Aerospace is the only company authorized by the Illusive Man to board and service the Normandy, making their assistance necessary for the retrofit you are considering. In case you are curious, their nearest facility is located aboard the Citadel."

     Joker perks up at that. "Retrofit? Don't suppose that's gonna include a bathroom up here on Deck 2, is it? Do you know how long it takes me to hike to the head and back? They gave me this bottle as a joke, but lemme tell you-"

     "Rather you not, thanks." That is wicked convenient, though. Faith wants to talk to the Council about the Collectors, Councilor Anderson wants to talk to her, one of the people the Illusive Man wants her to recruit is there at the moment, and so is the most powerful of the people who still owe Alexis Shepard favors. Rising to her feet, she's careful to pat a nearby spot on his seat rather than bring her hand down directly on Joker's fragile shoulder. "I'll see what I can do, Joker. Set a course for the Citadel. And EDI, tell Miri to meet me up in my cabin. Got some ideas I wanna bounce off her."

     As the Normandy's engines engage, powering the ship towards the nearby mass relay now that they finally have a destination, EDI's holographic bulb flickers a few times. When she speaks, there's a faintly uncertain tone to her synthesized voice. "I assume that by 'Miri', you are referring to Operative Lawson?"

     "Eh, she spent how long staring at me naked? I think we're on a first name basis now." Faith pauses in the doorway of the cockpit, looking back at EDI. "Hey, seeing as how I'm the captain here and all… can I command you to call her that too? Just to mess with her head a bit?"


     "Damn. Well, it was worth a try." Although now that Faith thinks about it, there's at least one more task she can foist off onto a subordinate… and Joker's not exactly gonna bitch about being ordered to chat with a cute blue face. "Oh, and Joker? Can you put in a call to the Consort's Chambers and let Nelyna know I need to speak with her boss?"
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