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Not Gay

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Summary: Five times Sherlock and John weren’t a couple and the one time they were. Birthday story for L. BBC Sherlock fandom.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Literature > Crime > Sherlock HolmesCorruptedSmileFR1511,380041,02521 Dec 1221 Dec 12Yes
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything you recognise and I don’t make money from this story; neither from writing it nor from posting it. I probably do own the things you don’t recognise.

The BBC owns all rights to Sherlock.

Fandom: BBC Sherlock.

Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Henry Knight, Mycroft Holmes.

Rating: FR15.

Spoilers: Spoilers for seasons one and two.

Summary: Five times Sherlock and John weren’t a couple and the one time they were.

Story: Not Gay


The first time Sherlock and John met, they didn’t know each other from Adam. They met during a club night while on leave (John)/a routine murder case (Sherlock). They locked eyes from across the room as John downed his drink. When he turned back around after setting his empty glass on the bar, Sherlock had somehow managed to make his way around—through?—the crowd filling the dance floor and was holding out his hand, a look in his eyes that left nothing to the imagination.

Grabbing Sherlock’s hand firmly, John pulled him through the crowd and the smoke until they stood on the nearly-deserted London streets. Crossing the street, John pulled Sherlock into the first fairly-secluded alley he came across, pushed him roughly against the graffiti-covered wall and put his hand down Sherlock’s—crazy-expensive, Jesus Christ!—slacks.

Two hand jobs later John was completely convinced that he was bisexual. Sherlock was equally-convinced that he was utterly asexual. They didn’t exchange numbers or names before they both went their separate ways. Sherlock went back to following the killer around London, John went back to the club where his mates were waiting for him and neither gave a second thought to the bloke they had just gotten off with in a dirty alley.


The second time John and Sherlock met, neither remembered that they had met before. Sherlock was his usual abrasive self (potential flat mates should know the worst about each other), John was his usual not-as-smart-as-Sherlock-but-smarter-than-the-average-person (that was quite extraordinary) self. Both felt an instant connection, although neither admitted it.

There was one awkward moment the next day at the Italian restaurant when Angelo nearly had a stroke, thinking that Sherlock had brought a date. Sherlock felt it was prudent to put a stop to any romantic ideas John might have been entertaining by telling him he considered himself to be married to his work. John in turn decided to let Sherlock—and Angelo—know that he wasn’t actually gay.


The third time the subject of sexuality came up, John had just broken up with his twelfth girlfriend. Well, technically she had broken up with him after telling him that he was a great boyfriend and that Sherlock Holmes was a very lucky man, but who cared about silly details like that, right? How many girlfriends had said the exact same thing, anyway? He had lost count somewhere around girlfriend #5. Apparently it didn’t matter how many times he told someone that he wasn’t Sherlock’s date, that he wasn’t actually gay, that they weren’t a couple. People believed what they wanted to believe and apparently people liked to believe that they were in a romantic relationship.

The break-up was around the same time as the whole Irene Adler situation (and what a cock-up that had been). When Mycroft and Sherlock had a minor discussion about sex and Sherlock’s (lack of) experience in Buckingham Palace of all places, John had never felt more uncomfortable. Sherlock had waved the discussion off later by telling him that sex didn’t alarm him; he just wasn’t interested in it as he was a self-diagnosed asexual. And for the first time since he had been forced to retire from military service, John admitted to someone that he was bisexual and not heterosexual.

Sherlock, of course, ruined the moment by telling him that he already knew. Something to do with the way he acted (and how his body unconsciously reacted) around attractive men or some such nonsense. As John had been told that positive reinforcement worked best for encouraging good behaviour, he stroked Sherlock’s ego by telling him what a good thing it was that he hadn’t blabbed that little fact to anyone. Naturally Sherlock preened.


The fourth time John and Sherlock visited Henry Knight in Baskerville, he told him that he could see something had changed between them. He told them that on the visit before you could have cut the sexual tension with a knife, but this time around it seemed . . . not absent, but diminished somehow. John cracked a joke about having sex and growing old not going well together while Sherlock lamented the fact that Henry had been much easier to deal with when he had thought he was going mad.

Did he really have to be this perceptive when he wasn’t drugged out of his mind? Couldn’t he have been one of these ordinary people with a simple, boring, barely-used mind?

Neither John nor Sherlock chanced a look at the other, preferring to engage Henry’s sharp, young mind in hopes of leading him and his (correct?) thoughts astray. Neither was willing to deal with the subject that Henry had unknowingly touched upon. Because with unerring accuracy Henry had hit a sore point.


The fifth time Sherlock said he was going to retire, he truly meant it. At age sixty-six, he felt it was time to leave the field work to spry, young people who could still actively hunt down assailants and killers.

The last ten years of his work as a consultant detective, Sherlock had been slowly yet surely making Henry Knight a successor he could be proud of. The younger man had a bright, inquisitive mind and while he didn’t get quite the same satisfaction (nor glee) out of a job well-done as Sherlock, Henry was a not-too-shabby consultant detective as John liked to call it.

Just as Sherlock was handing over London AZ to Henry as a material sign of approval and a final goodbye to the good old days, Henry asked them once again about their relationship. And, perhaps for the last time, John explained to him that they weren’t now, nor would they ever be, a couple while Sherlock told him that he would soon find out why it was important to be married to the job and not to a person.


Sherlock and John had been happily in their version of retirement heaven (including, but not limited to, experimenting on dead people’s body parts that were thoughtfully provided by Molly, looking for and cutting out interesting cases that caught their eye in both national and international newspapers and sending them to Henry and his partner-in-crime James and keeping detailed notes on their lives post-crime-solving) for years when something happened that changed the entire life they had built together: John finally admitted that he wasn’t as opposed to the idea of being in a romantic relationship with Sherlock as he had led everyone to believe.

You try to tell your stupidly-handsome, borderline-crazy, extraordinarily-genius flatmate you like him as more than just friends and see how long it takes you to gather up enough courage to tell your flatmate to his face before you start on how long it took to finally make a move.

For the first time ever (and regrettably the last time as John would later find out) John saw Sherlock speechless. Now that the hardest part was out of the way, John started ticking off all the reasons why they would be great together, finishing with sex isn’t all that important to me. Sherlock’s reaction (for goodness’ sake, John, I’ve known that for years) was a blatant lie, but John was willing to give up arguing about that in favour of finally wrapping his arms around Sherlock in a not-just-friends-or-flatmates way.

End of “Not Gay”.

A/N: Hi, I’m back! *gives a small wave* It’s been awhile (*cough*couple of months*cough*), but I put a new story on this site. Hopefully you enjoyed it.

This is the birthday story for one of my friends. I hope it doesn’t disappoint. Here’s the idea I was given: asexual!Sherlock and bisexual!John in a relationship. Happy birthday, L! Hope you enjoy your six-for-the-price-of-one story.

Reviews are loved.

For more detailed information on this story of mine, and others, I’d like to point you towards my homepage corrupted_smile. Feel free to join.

The End

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