Friends in dark places by cwolf
Disclaimer at end:
Mark had seen some of the most insane groups of people come through his office to help. And apparently a few he couldn't remember. He still wanted to know what Dos Equis was. Nobody produced it anywhere in this dimension. Or they didn't until O'Neill told him that Brainerd might as well patent it and have money coming in after the whole mess was over.
The last word was that the very enterprising pair calling themselves Cheech And Chong, had opened up a factory to produce Dos Equis in Florida. Somebody had supplied them with an untraceable chemical that would give them the High they needed to work more effectively, and the know how to make it as a sideline in factory. Without all the nasty side effects. He'd know how high a profit Dos Equis pulled in once the factory finished paying off the debts incurred to start it.
How those 2 showed up to the call when they didn't have anything that could help, nobody knew. But at least they were distracted.
Mark shook his head and pondered about the most recent group that had come through.
Somehow a portal had opened in a hospital in Essex. In a dimension that hadn't had any crossover attempts at all.
This resulted in an increase of 2 doctors for the front lines, and an administrator with his secretary. Efficiency in medical recovery increased by 20 percent due to Dr. Lucien Sanchez's impossible surgeries that had saved several lives. Stories that he said "I read it in a book earlier today" were discounted and it was assumed he was just distracting people from questions. He was also seen emptying an automatic into the eyes of one enterprising demon that had snuck in while using his other hand to suture. It was noted that he didn't even look up as he drew the gun, and the monster didn't survive the encounter.
Dr. Rick Dagless who usually introduced himself by his full name followed by M.D was well noted for increasing the magical defenses around the medical units after that surprise incursion. He'd also come up with the most random suggestions that resulted in doctors bringing a patient to stable condition instead of worrying they were losing him or her. He was a dead shot with his magnum revolover and contributed to holding back the attack of an army of Fowek demons that had somehow gotten past the lines. Rumors of him using a grenade that nobody had seen him palm were carefully faded out. Nobody was going to complain about him filching a weapon or two after that.
Then there was hospital administrator Thornton Reed who'd come along with the two because "They can't stay out of trouble. I'd worry about what they would do without me around." Efficiency in supply upkeep and discipline in keeping track of said supplies was up by 30 percent. Levels in irritation at administration were also up but the same people complaining saw the results. Combat wise, he was seen running screaming out of the building with his own personal shotgun he'd brought through with him blasting away at the Fowek demons and yelling "This is not how we do things here!"
Little was known about Dr. Liz Asher. Outside of her ability to keep Thornton in check when his blood pressure went overboard, and her talent in helping him keep track of supplies. Not much was told. Though there were rumors that she would occasionally roll her eyes back and scream followed by Dagless and Sanchez gathering around her then running out to perform a miraculous feat usually involving magic circles, random ingredients, and a surgery that Sanchez read about somewhere.
Mark shook his head and flipped through a folder to look at the next application. Things were just insane. Maybe it was time for more Kickapoo Joy Juice
disclaimer: I do not own Cheech and Chong, Garth Marenghi's Dark Place, or any of the other insanity in this series. Garth Marenghi's series can be found on youtube. Deliberately overdone horrible acting and shooting mistakes, result in some good comedy. They even did a decent job making the stories weird enough to keep your attention
Feel free, anyone, to use them somewhere in a random situation. My writing is sporadic these days. And I think their insanity would help with anything.