Disclaimer: Gargoyles © is owned by Disney. Stargate: Atlantis is owned the Sci-Fi Channel and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.
Summary: Brooklyn, in his latest Timedancing adventure, gets bruised, beaten, stunned, and…oh yeah, meets John Sheppard’s team.
It wasn’t like I didn’t enjoy the experience of time travel. Occasionally, though, it became a tremendous pain, much like a gunshot wound, or the impact of bricks falling on your head. What bothered me now wasn’t so much where I landed, but what I landed on.
It looked akin to some kind of circus freak. Green skin, tattoos, string cheese hair, eyes like a cat’s, plus a great imitation of a pseudo-Dracula wannabe. Oh yeah, did I mention the teeth? Good god! Whatever the hell this creature was, I’m betting it could give the shark from Jaws a run for its money. That is, if the length of the teeth were any indication. Black gums included.
Of course, that was all I could discern before it came to, snarled at me and kicked its feet up, hitting me in the stomach and making me flail backwards. As I fell, I took a quick note of my surroundings. I was in a forest, at night. This definitely was not Manhattan, or even one of the forests in one of the outlying islands. The trees looked like weird hybrids of pine, ash, and the redwoods I’d seen outside of San Francisco. A painful jab in my right shoulder served as a hasty reminder of vigilance. The vampire clown had gotten up, and wore the most obscene smile I ever witnessed on anyone’s face.
Without looking away from the freak of nature, I discovered I was lying on a gun of some sort. Guns were never my favorite weapon, but at that point I had few other options. As it finished its saunter towards me, I immediately tripped it up with my tail, brought the gun around with my left hand and shot it. It plummeted to the ground, but immediately snarled again and jumped five feet into the air. I wasn’t sure whether to be horrified or amused as I shot it again. Jeez, this thing really was a vampire! Dracula costume notwithstanding. It shuddered in midair and went the five feet back down. I walked over, gun (or stunner, I should say) still in hand. It was breathing, leaving me to believe I made the vampire assumption too quickly. Whatever the hell it was wasn’t human, though, and I shot it once more for good measure before abandoning it to study my surroundings closely.
There seemed to be enough light around the forest for me to see every possible hiding place it held. A little strange, yes, if you include the hybrid nature of the trees, but it wasn’t until I looked up that I got the biggest shock of all.
There were three moons in the sky.
Oh man, I just landed in a Star Trek episode. And I had no doubt the green man-sized leech was some sort of freaky alien.
Damn it. I suddenly wished I had paid more attention when Lex used to try and corral me and Broadway into watching it. I was stuck on an alien planet thanks to the Phoenix Gate and with absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do here. Perhaps I would have a better idea if it was somewhere on earth, but I remained at a loss...
A familiar growl behind me made my body stiffen. The creature was awake. And, based on what I could glean from its tone, it was hungry, and looking to have me as its next meal.
I turned around slowly, coming to the conclusion that the gun in my possession was made by the alien’s race and therefore useless against them. Back to square one, I guess. I threw the weapon aside. The alien’s eyes followed, and it faced me with that same obscene smile on its features. Then it spoke for the first time, its voice as harsh as its appearance, “You are not human, but you will make an excellent feast nonetheless.”
That’s it, I decided. All these cheesy “I am much more powerful than you” lines had to come from somewhere. Disney? Warner Brothers maybe? Whatever the case, this...thing still had a lot to learn about gargoyles. We never went down easily.
I let my eyes glow, and the creature made a quick hesitation before renewing his sneer. It lunged. Spinning around, I let my tail whip it across its face, and it let out a bark of pain. It lunged again, its hand briefly brushing my chest and making it ache. I understood what it was trying to do, and punched it in the cheek. Its head swung back, and it staggered as it spit out blood as black as oil. I think I’d managed to break its nose, because when it spoke again it said, “You’ll bay por dat, you insignificant...”
I couldn’t help myself; despite the dire situation I was in I started laughing. The moment I heard its new voice, I drew an immediate comparison to Donald Duck in the hyperbaric tone I could scarcely understand. It also made me wish I had some helium-filled balloons. Oh well. Can’t have everything. Especially when you’re in hostile territory.
I managed to shut up as it attacked once more. This one came with a surprise: a red beam shot out from the trees to my left, hitting the creature. It stiffened, was hit again by the beam, and it toppled. I had a very good feeling it wasn’t going to get up again. I let out a sigh of relief and went to meet the person who killed the pseudo-vamp. I barely caught a glimpse of what looked like a deranged version of Bob Marley before he fired his weapon at me and the world disappeared in a haze of red.