The process of survival
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this story.
Author notes: This takes place post season 7, approximate a year and a half to two years later, and is a sequel to my fic Survivors. After the loss of everyone from Sunnydale and the Slayer headquarters due to the terroristic attack, which caused a terrible, deadly virus for all but the physiologically immune Giles and Faith, what happens after Giles chooses to stay in America with Faith rather than to return to England?
Faith often wonders if Giles thinks back to the day he agreed to stay with her, to let slip away his chance of moving back to his homeland, to starting anew, or maybe just attempting to reinsert himself into a more comfortable past. She wonders when she sees his face go still, almost blank, out the corner of her eye, if he ever watches her too, if he ever looks at her and regrets his choice, if it is difficult for him to wake each day to look her in the eye, and pretend not to hate every moment of his day, to broadcast his despair with the choice he has made. She wonders if he resents her, as she sometimes resents herself, for being needy enough, desperate enough, to let him see how badly it would have hurt her, how it would have gutted her to her core, for him to leave her behind.
She wonders if she would be able, if he ever indicated as such to her, be able to be gracious and unselfish enough to tell him that yes, she understands, and doesn’t begrudge him of his feelings, that yes, she is sorry for tying him down with the guilt, sense of duty, and perhaps genuine feeling towards her that she was sure had been the pulled strings to make him stay. She wonders if she would be able to stand the blow without flinching, without showing him her own pain, if he ever told her that he could not stay any longer for her sake, that he was going back to England after all.
She wonders, but she would never be able to bring herself to ask, because the truth of his answer is not one she truly wants to know, and she does not want to test herself with having to try to give him the response that she knows she SHOULD give- a response she is almost certain she would be incapable of.