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IG2: The Surviving of Prophecies & Irrate Gods

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This story is No. 2 in the series "Insane Survival Guides". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Sequel to "The Basic Insane Survival Guide" Wherein we deal with re-emerging gods and prophecies unfulfilled.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Xander-Centered
Miscellaneous > Myths & Legends
Television > Xena-Hercules > Xander-Centered
GenukaFR1555,18604512,98319 Jan 1323 Jul 13No

After Mission Exam

A/n: Yes, I know its been a while but here's the next Chappy! And yes I know I suck at trying to figure out how to match up the timelines correctly. That's why I don't mention any specific years unless they get dumped through time and even then I'm sketchy. So sue me.

After Mission Exam

SGC Infirmary 20 minutes later...

"Ow! Be careful where you poke that thing!" Jack protested as one of the nurses drew blood for testing.

"Shut up!" Jon snapped. "Do you want our red-headed napoleon to pull out the big needles?"

"I heard that!" Janet shot over her shoulder from across the room. "Apparently, I need to keep you all for an extra 12 hours of observation after your full physical and the complete range of tests that we can possibly run on this base." She informed them in a sweetly evil tone, earning the two glares from the rest of their team.

Siler popped his head into the infirmary looking for SG-1. "Sorry it took so long but I've got the last batch of paperwork for you to sign then you're all free and clear." Siler handed over several sheets of paper to Jack and Jon who quickly signed them and handed them back.

Jon looked at Jack. "Jr? You didn't change my name at all except to add Junior?" He asked incredulously.

Jack looked uncomfortable. "I figured we'd go the Indiana Jones route and this way we both get to keep our names." He explained. "Besides, wasn't it worth it to get Xander declared ours free and clear?"

Jon considered that for a moment. "Yeah, a small price and we can safely tell Dru that the Harris' are taken care of. All without any mass slaughter or bloodshed." He agreed smiling almost reminicently.

Xander had observed all of this give and take in a minor state of shock, which he now shook off. "Wait! What? What do you mean I'm yours? Hell, for that matter what did you do to my parents?" Xander demanded.

The Jack's exchanged a look. "We had a sample of our DNA, Danny's DNA, and your DNA tested against your parents' DNA. Someone got curious and investigate the whole thing." Jon told them solemnly.

"The investigation into us didn't lead them anywhere but a brick wall of military protocol, your parents on the other hand..." Jack trailed off with a grimace.

Xander sighed in resignation. "What did Tony do?"

The Jack's exchanged another look. "Uh, he tried to take the investigator's head off with a bottle and grumbled about at least having gotten you out of his house two years early by always dropping two years from your age. Technically you're 17 not 19. Sorry." Jon told him apologetically.

Xander stared at him in incredulity. "You're telling me that my parents have been lying about my age since I was 3 and I actually entered school early?!"

"Look on the bright side. I've got custody of you and I signed all of the paperwork so that if its SGC or Slayer related you can do whatever you want, with my blessings." Jack added helpfully. "And Jon's listed as 17 too. As far as the paperwork is concerned you're fraternal twins, and there was a strange mix up at the hospital so we never got you. It will explain the Halloween memories as a twin thing and why you grew up in Sunnydale instead of moving around with me."

"Joy." Xander deadpanned. "Well at least my birthday is next week."

Jon winced. "Uh, big me? Did we change my birthday or Xander's?"

Jack rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, actually we changed both of them to make this work and have time to push through all of the adoption paperwork on both of you so that someone can't take you guys away even if we've got proof that you're mine and Danny's. You've both got another six months before you're legally 18."

"What?!" Jon and Xander nearly shouted. The two supposed teens gave the older man the evil eye.

"There will be vengeance for this." Xander told him firmly as Jon nodded in agreement.

"Oh, come on. It worked didn't it?" Jack asked in exasperation.

"Did you ask them first?" Daniel asked trying to hide a smile.

"Yes!" Jack looked at the dark glares of the two teens. "Didn't I? Well okay, maybe I forgot."

"Vengeance." Xander re-affirmed.

"Your vengeance will have to wait until you're done getting checked over." Janet told them firmly, as she shoved a thermometer in Xander's mouth, waited then checked it before writing down the results.

Dru had wandered in at some point and now patted Xander on the head, crooning. "If my Kitten needs the heads of the nasty false mommy and false daddy, the Kitten will get them."

Sg-1 looked at her in uncertain alarm, not entirely sure that she would/could follow through on killing the Harris'. Xander on the other hand knew she not only could but would follow through on her bizarre promise. So, it shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone that he panicked just a bit.

"No! No, Dru. I don't need their heads, or their eyes or entrails for that matter. I'm quite happy with Jack's solution." Xander promised her fervently. He really didn't want to wake up one morning to find his parents' heads sitting on his dresser waiting for him, like some macabre Christmas or get well gift.

Dru pouted for a moment then seemed to be listening to Miss. Edith. Whatever the doll told her made her happy enough to smile and clap in delight, causing SG-1 to suddenly wonder what she had been told and if it was really to late to make a dash for the gate.

"Its time for Kitten and his new family to move into our new home!" Dru told them happily. "We must make ready to welcome the visitors from the Mountain. We wouldn't want to be rude to such pretty lightly glowing ones, even if War has been very naughty and taken the bloody stone from my Kitten." Dru frowned, then... "War and Wisdom were naughty, arguing near the Chappa’ai..." She trailed off and went back to quietly playing with Miss. Edith as Janet and SG-1 just stared at the mad seer.

Xander broke the silence. "Sounds like she's already grabbed our stuff and moved it to... wherever she now considers our house." They nodded in agreement.

"We aren't going to get our stuff back unless we move into wherever this place is, are we?" Jack asked glumly.

"Bingo!" Xander said goofily, earning smiles all around, before turning serious."Most of the time its better and simpler to just write it off as gone if she's snatched it, even if the what is actually a who. Getting it back, half the time, means that all you've done is paint a Dru specific target on your back. She does not like it when what she considers to be her toys, or anything else that's hers for that matter, is taken away. I read in one of the watcher diaries that I snuck behind G-man's back that she chased some guy for ten years after he got away before she finally caught him again." Xander shook his head. "Humoring her is better. Especially when she doesn't look like she's going to actually hurt anyone."

"Well, sounds like we're moving in together." Jack commented.

"Sounds like." Jon agreed.

Siler was still standing off to one side, observing everything and completely forgotten by everyone there. "I'll inform the General and get you all that paperwork to fill out." He told them softly before slipping out of the infirmary, leaving them to the tender mercies of the base CMO...

A/n: Thoughts? Questions? Comments? Suggestions?

"...visitors from the Mountain..." & "...lightly glowing ones..." = Greek Gods/Olympians and others who live on Olympus

War = Mars/Ares

Wisdom = Athena
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