DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Rosario or any of the characters. This is just for fun. No profit is earned.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Thanks to Storyseeker for beta-reading this. Here is another Xander and Faith adventure. As usual, if you have any comments or preferences, please don’t be shy. RandR.
“Haven’t we done this before?” Faith asked resignedly.
“Yeah,” replied Xander. “But since the portal opened in the Director’s office, it seems likely that he has something to do with why we’re here.”
“Okay,” Faith allowed. “I’ll buy that, but substitute teaching?” Xander shrugged. “At a school full of monsters?” Another shrug. “Just go with it, huh?”
“Got a better idea?”
“I am a Slayer.”
“Yeah, but you’re not suicidal. We’re outnumbered by about a hundred to one.”
“Granted,” Faith sighed, deciding she’d just have to suck it up. The proximity of all the disguised monsters was like sandpaper on her nerves, but she had to admit, Xander was right. “I wonder what the Director is? He’s strong, I know that and… Didn’t it seem strange that a portal from another dimension spits us out in his office and he doesn’t bat an eye?”
“He runs a school for monsters,” Xander reminded her. “I kinda doubt our standards for ‘strange’ would impress him.”
They moved through the school to the designated classroom. Apparently, they were filling in for a sick teacher. The director had said something about hairballs and the two demon hunters decided they didn’t want to know.
On the surface, it seemed like a perfectly ordinary school. The kids and teachers seemed normal enough to Xander, but a glance at Faith showed how on edge she was. He hoped she could keep it together. If she killed one of the students, things would get ugly, fast. To take her mind off it, he tried to give her something else to focus on. “What are we teaching again?”
“English Lit,” Faith answered absently.
“Any ideas? What do we teach them?”
“No idea. I’m pretty sure that Junior we just passed is a werewolf.”
“Not our problem,” Xander reminded her. Faith gritted her teeth and pushed on to class 1-D. They arrived nearly 10 minutes before class was due to start and the room was largely empty, as Xander had known it would be. No self-respecting high-school student was early for class unless there was no choice.
There were only five students present, and studying seemed to be the furthest thing from their minds. Four of them were female, and they seemed to be arguing, close to fighting, over a teenage boy who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else.
“Back off, witch,” a girl with blue hair and claws demanded as she pressed herself against the boy’s right side. “He clearly likes me best!”
“Fat chance, sucubitch,” a purple-haired girl mumbled around what appeared to be a lollipop, as she hung onto the boy’s left arm. The room grew noticeably colder, but no one seemed to notice.
A pink-haired student stood behind him and clutched the boy’s shoulders possessively while looking at the others in dismay. She spotted Faith and Xander and gave them a pleading look, apparently not knowing who they were, but welcoming any distraction.
Faith put two fingers between her lips and gave a piercing whistle. Xander winced, but it had the desired effect. The argument stopped, and the girls turned to look at the source of the interruption.
“Who are you?” the one addressed as ‘witch’ asked. She was the youngest of the group, too young to be a high-school student. Xander guessed she was 11 at most. She was dressed in the same school uniform as the other girls, but she also wore the conical hat, usually associated with witches.
“I’m Faith. This is Xander. We’re substituting for your regular teacher today, and we don’t want to break up a fight before the first class even starts.”
The girls glanced at each other, processing what she said, and latching onto the word ‘substitute.’ They went back to fighting over the boy’s attentions.
Xander sighed. “When you were in school, did you ever show a substitute any respect?”
“Dang,” Faith muttered.
“Let me try. Maybe I can shock ‘em into stopping.” He stepped forward and cleared his throat. “Ladies!” They glanced over at him, somewhat impatiently. “Have you four considered sharing?”
Faith stared at her partner, not believing what he’d just said. The students stared at him too, blinking slowly. Four of the group collapsed with noticeable nosebleeds. The only one left standing was the prepubescent witch. She just looked thoughtful.
Then she grinned and clapped her hands in childish delight. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
Xander, not expecting that reaction, glanced away from the disturbingly cheerful little girl. “Eeew.”