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Put Some Extra Pineapple On That Hawaiian, Please!

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This story is No. 2 in the series "The Pizza Chronicles". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: You can meet some very interesting people when you're the kidnappee.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
DC Universe > BatmanGreywizardFR1811,5771164,94930 Jan 1330 Jan 13Yes
Disclaimer: None of the characters from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe or the DC Comics universe belong to me. Deal with it and move forward with your lives. I have. Very reluctantly, but I have. ;-(

Category: Multi- crossover.

Time Frame: Post 'Chosen' for the Scooby-verse, and this can probably fit into pretty much any spot in the DC universe timeline, after Tim becomes Robin.

Spoilers: None intended, but if there might be passing mention of any number of things which happened in canon for either universe.

Character Bashing: Nah. Not this time. Maybe you'll luck out in my next story.

Feedback: Of course! Like Tenhawk says, it's the coin of the realm!

Archiving: Talk to me first, please.

Author's Note 1: Many thanks to Bill Haden and Theo (Starway_Man) for beta-ing this story.

Author's Note 2: As usual, “word” indicates speech, :: word :: indicates mental communication and { word } indicates a character's thoughts.

Author's Note 3: This is the second in the Pizza Chronicles, which is a series of short ficlets responding to TTH Challenge 1562: Jinni's Tuesday Challenge... (Hug A Donor). How well that will work out remains to be seen. ;-)


A currently closed and unused bank
Gotham City, NJ

"Well, it certainly took you guys long enough to get here!"

Batman (a.k.a. Bruce Wayne, millionaire playboy, while in his civilian identity) clearly was more than a bit surprised to be greeted with such a mixture of annoyance and sarcasm upon opening the bank vault door and releasing the kidnappees locked inside.

The gorgeous, athletic redhead and the muscular dark-haired man that he'd encountered outside while reconnoitering the building, and who'd both insisted upon accompanying him on his assault against the abandoned bank (so as to help rescue their kidnapped protégée), both merely grinned at the clearly displeased and frowning teen's greeting.

After witnessing the ease with which she'd handled four of the Joker's thugs whom they'd encountered, before he could finish dealing with the one he's been fighting, Bruce was quite certain that the young woman who'd teamed up with him entering the bank was a physically enhanced metahuman.

Bruce was equally convinced that the man accompanying her was some sort of meta, too, based on the way all four of the Joker's well-trained, yet still-mostly-feral hyenas had responded to the man's presence. Namely, by immediately cowering and whimpering as though in the company of a particularly powerful alpha male.

Bruce was still unsure as to what extra other abilities the guy might possibly possess, aside from whatever sort of animal control power he'd already displayed, since he hadn't openly exhibited any other unusual capabilities. Well, other than a high degree of resilience when it came to hand to hand combat.

Although, granted, that could just as easily be explained by the man being used to facing off against much tougher opponents than the ones they'd encountered earlier, Bruce reminded himself.

The Batman was more than a little concerned by the degree of ruthlessness and viciousness the man had shown, though. Because, as he'd calmly and relentlessly broken all of proximal and middle phalange bones of the Joker's fingers, the presumed meta had also been calmly lecturing the demented sociopath about the hazards inherent in kidnapping people, most especially when such an act involved abducting randomly selected people.

The man's final comment about his own actions being so much milder than those the young woman's sister would have taken, had she been present, had made Bruce wonder exactly what sort of potentially antisocial group the kidnapped girl had grown up among.

The fact that the redhead had been able to easily counter his every move when he'd attempted to stop her companion's semi-torture had only emphasized the presence of the woman's strength and speed, and confirmed Bruce's belief she was a meta.

Nonetheless, after verifying that there were no additional potential threats awaiting them inside the vault, both of his unwelcome companions had then stowed the weapons they were carrying in sheaths and holsters concealed inside their clothing prior to greeting the young woman being held prisoner along with his own ward/protégé.

"You might wanna cut us some slack here, Dawnie," the man had said in response to their unexpected greeting, a wide grin on his face as he gave the tall, statuesque brunette teenager a quick hug. "After all, yesterday was Monday, so you got started over twenty-four hours ahead of your normal schedule! Remember, you Summers women usually only get kidnapped on Tuesday evenings, not Monday afternoons."

"Are you two all right?" Batman interrupted what was apparently the pair's normal squabbling (to judge by the redhead's amused smirk as she stood by, her arms folded across her chest, and listened to the pair snarking at each other) to inquire about both kidnap victims' health and emotional states.

Bruce could see that Tim appeared to be in good condition, physically, and he knew that his protégé was far more mentally and emotionally stable than the vast majority of people his age.

The Caped Crusader was much more concerned about the emotional state of the young woman – whose name, he assumed, was Dawn Summers – who'd been abducted along with Tim at the behest of the Joker, who'd apparently been planning on holding Bruce Wayne's ward for ransom. Judging by the girl's reaction to his and his two unknown companions' entrance and considering what he had surmised about the company she'd been keeping prior to her abduction, she appeared to be quite distraught about her recent kidnapping. In addition, it looked to his (admittedly inexpert) assessment as though she were attempting to conceal her anxiety with sarcasm and snark.

"I'm fine, and thanks for asking," Dawn shot Bruce a quick smile, before refocusing her attention back to the man, whom she then slapped on the chest while remonstrating, "See, Xand? *That's* how you're supposed to talk to us poor, unfortunate kidnap victims!

"You don't hassle us about things like being too impatient for rescue, doofus!" she berated the guy, adding a fairly impressive frown to her words for emphasis.

"Doofus?!" the big guy, provisionally identified as 'Xand', repeated, a surprised expression on his face.

"Have you been talking to Cordy recently, Dawnstar?" he asked, his grin growing even wider as he beamed at the young woman.

"'Cause that's definitely a new addition to your insult repertoire. Ah, man, now that reminds me of the good ol' days, back before we blew up the high school. Well, the first time around, that is," this 'Xand' character commented reflectively.

The casual remark about blowing up their high school *twice* made the Caped Crusader's ears immediately perk up – figuratively speaking, that is ( the ones on the cowl were prosthetic, of course – 'Xand' had made a point of asking him about them almost immediately after their initial meeting) – even higher, and he made a mental note to check his files for the past fifteen years for any domestic news stories referencing explosions and high schools.

"Not that that's a bad thing, mind you," the probable meta added an instant later, as 'Xand' gave Dawn another grin.

"We can discuss my expanded vocabulary and your ex-girlfriend later, Xand," the brunette gave her male rescuer an annoyed look, while the redhead watched with a wide grin.

"Neither of us have had anything to eat since our lunch at school, yesterday!" Dawn complained as she indicated Tim and herself, while throwing the 'Xand' guy an exasperated grimace. "And right now, I'm hungry enough to eat a gra'shalk, horn and all!"

Bruce was making a mental note to determine exactly what a "gra'shalk" was (and he could see Tim doing the same) when the girl – whose name was Dawn Summers, if the information gleaned so far from the two probable metahumans was at all reliable – turned to him and said, "Would you like to grab some pizza with us, too?

"'Cause Vi and Xander are definitely gonna pick up some pizzas from Illiano's for all of us on the way home, since Tim and I haven't eaten since lunch, like I just said," Miss Summers explained, favoring the Bat with a brilliant smile, "so it'd be easy enough for them to pick up something for you as well, if you'd like.

"I know most chiroptera are insectivores, but I figure that you probably eat fruit like a lot of the larger megabat species do, if you actually did evolve or mutate somehow from the Megachiroptera suborder," the beautiful brunette noted parenthetically.

"And even though I really don't think you did, after meeting you and all, now – evolve from the Megachiroptera suborder, that is – 'cause I figure you're really just some guy using the bat costume as some sort of psychological symbol to intimidate criminals, the way that Dr. Niles Crane suggested you were doing in his program last week," Dawn continued to babble, "I figure you'd probably still like a Hawaiian pizza.

"Especially if we ordered extra pineapple on it…."

Bruce could see that both of Miss Summers' 'mentors' (for lack of a better description for them at this point in time) – as well as Tim – were all standing a few feet back and grinning widely as the young woman continued to ramble on in an apparently unending string of nonstop, almost stream of consciousness, babble while she spoke to him. So, Bruce decided immediate action was required.

"I appreciate the offer, miss, but I have other things I need to take care of," the Dark Knight half-growled as an answer, before quickly turning and majestically heading off as quickly as he could.

Hopefully, Bruce thought to himself, he was managing to make his departure appear dignified and imposing. And *not* like he was running away from an incessantly jabbering adolescent girl, whom he considered quite capable of quickly driving him stark raving mad with her apparently never-ending drivel!

The last thing Batman heard, as he practically dove into the Tumbler and gunned the turbocharged engine to get out of there, was the Summers girl saying, "Well, I'm guessing that's a 'no,' then.

"So, do you guys want to order a couple of Hawaiians, anyway, to go with the three meat lovers and the two Philly cheese steak style Vi always orders?"


The End

You have reached the end of "Put Some Extra Pineapple On That Hawaiian, Please!". This story is complete.

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