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Birthday Surprise

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Summary: What would Daria do with an insanely large lottery win?

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Daria(Current Donor)DeacBlueFR181420,10304610,23111 Feb 1318 Feb 13Yes


Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are owned by Glenn Eichler and MTV; no infringement is intended, and no money is being made.

The fourteen foot tall Christmas tree stood in the thirty foot tall loft portion of the hundred year old farmhouse, where Daria and Jane Lane were addressing their families.

"We wanted to thank you all for your gifts," Daria said.

"And, even more, we wanted to thank you for celebrating with us a week early, so that we could go on our honeymoon cruise and make it back in time for classes." Jane smiled. "And now it's time for our gifts to you." She turned her head to her wife. "Daria?"

"First one is..." she read the name on the package, "Penny." She handed the bulky package to Jane.

"Penny, we've seen that you're very attached to Chiquito, and yet you often have to check him as baggage. Our gift to you is-" she handed the package over, and while Penny opened it, said, "a special carrier designed to keep him healthy through all sorts of third world baggage handlers."

A smile spread over Penny's face. "Thank you guys!"

"Next, Wind," came Daria's monotone.

"Wind, I think we've finally gotten to the point, legally, where you don't have to worry about your exes, or alimony. But - you've been at that point before." She handed him a small box, and as he opened it, said, "This is an Android cellphone that has two things on it. The first is an app that will let you know exactly what your marital status is, and how much you owe in alimony. The second is a speed dial to Helen, in case you ignore the first app." Everyone chuckled at that.

After Wind (in a somewhat confused manner) thanked them, Daria nodded to Helen. "Mom. For Summer?"

Helen smiled. "Summer, the girls wanted me to negotiate with your ex-husband, and I did." She handed a manila folder to her. "As soon as you sign the documents inside there, you will be completely independent of your ex-husband. He will have no call on your money, nor your children."

Summer accepted the folder with tearful thanks.

Next, Daria handed Jane a Polaroid picture. Jane smiled and said, "Mom?" She handed Amanda the picture. "That's a picture of your present - a ton of porcelain clay, to be delivered wherever you'll work with it."

Amanda hugged her. "I'm thinking Ashfield. The unity of the clay was especially strong there."

Silently Daria handed Jane a small but seemingly heavy box. "Dad?" Vincent looked up, then accepted it from her. "This may seem to be a present for you, but it's really for me." She smiled as he unwrapped a Canon D800 SLR. "You see, with this camera, we won't have one of the bathrooms in use when I have to go!" Everyone laughed at that.

"Aunt Amy?" Daria spoke up. "Not only do we want you to have a merry Christmas, we both wanted to thank you for your part in getting us together. Now, I'm sure you were wondering why I needed to borrow your car for the last week." She tossed the keys to Amy, and they all went outside to see...

Amy's car. But Amy's car with a new coat of paint, and complete with a new sound system, and what appeared to be a satellite radio setup, as well as a GPS/DVD combo. "Also," Jane added, "we had a complete overhaul done on it, stem to stern. You shouldn't have problems with it for at least another hundred thousand miles." After several minutes of hugging, they went back inside, again, where Daria asked a question.

"Quinn, you're still bent on getting into the fashion industry, right?"

Quinn slowly nodded, suspicious.

"I'm glad." She tossed her sister another manila folder. Quinn opened it up, looked a it, and started crying.

"What-what is it?" Helen asked.

"She - they - Mom, I'm going to New York over spring break," Quinn sobbed. "I've got appointments for an hour each with the 40 best designers in the city." Quinn sat there while Helen rocked her back and forth.

"Dad?" Daria asked. "Do you know all of the construction that's been happening on the first level that you haven't been allowed to watch?"

"Yeah, kiddo?"

"It's a new kitchen. Your kitchen, to make whatever you want, as long as someone's there to watch you eat it, and nobody else has to."

"Hey, great! Thanks, kiddo!"

"It was Jane's idea."

Jake turned and hugged Jane. "Thanks, Jane-o!"

Daria turned to Jane. "Well, you said that you'd take care of Mom's present."

"I did, didn't I?" Jane said with a smile. "But to give it to her, I have to give you yours, first." She gestured to the 60 inch LED screen. "Hit it, Wind."

Daria said, "Wait." She turned back to her wife. "Yours, first." She pointed toward a pile of boxes. "Lanes, there's one there for each of you." Smiling, she turned back to Jane. "Those are iridium phones with every power jack possible. No matter where they are, you'll be able to talk with your family." She suddenly had an armful of Jane, sobbing, "thank you thank youthankyou." After a few minutes, Jane wiped her eyes.

"Well, I'm not sure that mine will stand up to this, but...hit it now, Wind."

The screen showed what appeared to be a lawyer's office, with the logo of Vitale, Horowitz, Riordan, Schrecter, Schrecter, and Schrecter in the background, over the back of Helen Morgendorffer. "Jim, I'm not leaving the firm for any direct issues on the firm's part," Helen was saying. "I'm leaving because the windfall that my daughter gave me is allowing me to do what I got into the law for in the first place - to speak for those who have problems but don't understand the system. Nevertheless," and here she leaned over, putting her hands on his desk, "you have a problem that's going to bite you on the ass if you don't deal with it. Jim, you have to find an answer for Eric. I'm not going to instigate any action - I'm a big girl," she said, waving her hand. "But he has made advances on me more times than I can count, despite the fact that I am outspokenly, happily, married, and he covers it with using a partnership as a carrot to cover his tracks. Have you noticed how many senior associates you've lost over the time I've been here?" She sighed. "In any case, that's your cross to bear, now. Thank you for the opportunities that you've given me, Jim." After they had shaken hands, Helen turned towards the camera and seemed to pat something near it with a smile.

"What-how?" Helen said, confused. "But the only person in the room was -"

"Merry Christmas, Helen," a voice said from the door. Helen turned, with a delighted smile to see her assistant, Marianne. "Jane and Daria thought that you would be much happier working with someone that you were familiar with, and they 'made me an offer I couldn't refuse.'" The last was in a low voice, attempting quite unsuccessfully to emulate Marlon Brando.

"Oh, yours stood up to mine, both of them." Daria said as she kissed her wife.

"Hey, hey, save it for the honeymoon," Jane said with a grin.

The End

You have reached the end of "Birthday Surprise". This story is complete.

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