Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, 20th Century Fox Television and others.
Stargate SG-1 is owned by MGM Television, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Film Corp.
Farscape is owned by The Jim Henson Company.
“So Jack, what exactly is it you do, that you and your team are so unfazed about suddenly being in space, orbiting the moon?” Xander asked, after having recovered from the verbal abuse, still streaming from Mir.
“First I want to know how you are suddenly able to understand them,” came the reply.
“That was just translator microbes, if you had seen the TV series, you’d have known about those. They’ll allow you to understand any spoken language.” Xander looked at him, then smirked. “Would you like some?”
Jack was taken aback by the offer. The ability to understand any language was not to to be scoffed at. Eventually he decided to take the chance, and nodded.
He yelped, manly, in surprise at the brief pain in his foot, as one of the DRD’s had snuck up on him.
Xander went to one of the wall cabinets and picked up a pair of headphones, and put them on. “Let’s test this,” he said, just before telling Dawn to open the link to Mir.
At first Jack looked confused, then slowly his expression changed to wonder, then fascination, soon to be replaced by horror.
Xander had Dawn shut off the link at this time, having proven that the microbes did work as intended. He took off the headphones, smiling at Jack, who was just doing a fish impersonation for a few minutes.
“They certainly are... inventive, aren’t they?” Jack finally asked.
“They are.” Xander answered, before looking around. “Where did Daniel go?”
“He speaks Russian, that might have something to do with it.” Jack replied.
“Oh. I probably should have warned him then.” Xander’s expression told everyone in the room, that he would never do such a thing.
*Xander, General Hammond is back.* Dawn interrupted him.
“Jack, do you know a General George Hammond of the SGC?”
“Dawn, please put him on speakers.”
[...stop antagonizing the Mir Cosmonauts. I repeat, This is General George Hammond of the SGC]
“Can he hear me?” Jack asked.
[Colonel, is that you?]
“General. Nice of you to call, how can I help you?” Jack replied.
[What on Earth are you doing, shouldn’t you be in Sunnydale?] The general’s irritation was almost palpable.
“I’m sorry, sir, We kinda hitched a ride when the ship and it’s... friends started to draw too much attention.”
[Jack, please tell them to stop antagonizing the Mir cosmonauts, we’ve run out of translators down here. And the last we heard from the Russians, was that their mission control were running out of Vodka for their communications specialists.]
“Dawn, did you hear that? Please stop antagonizing Mir any more.”
*Ok, ok. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shoot them.* She replied, patching her voice through the speakers as well.
“General, this is Xander... Crais speaking. What exactly is ‘The SGC’?”
[It’s just SGC, we are a part of NORAD, and are monitoring space.] Hammons replied.
“That explains very little, you know that?” Xander commented.
“It does. Monitoring and expecting something to be there to talk to, are two different things, aren’t it?”
“I think I’ll have to get back to you on that one,” Jack finally decided that the questions had started to get too close for comfort.
[I agree, we need to talk about that later. First I would like to know what you were doing in Sunnydale. The reports we’ve been getting suggest that most of the town is just about destroyed.]
*Only the Sunnydale Mall, the town hall’s hall, the warehouses, the High School and the harbor,* Dawn replied defensively.
[And two cemeteries, the hospital, and the statue of Mayor Wilkins the First.] Hammond added, [adding Mir, and a yet unknown satellite. Need I go on?]
*I said I was sorry,* Dawn replied.
[The worst of your damage was probably underground though.]
“Sorry, sir, underground?” Xander asked. That was news to him.
[The Army haven’t been too forthcoming with information, but the two incidents in the cemeteries and the one in the warehouse district apparently blew up most of the sewage and service tunnels in the town. The flooding of the harbour destroyed most of what remained,] Hammond explained.
Jack looked at Xander, raising an eyebrow, but holding off any comments, as the teen was doing what looked a lot like the Snoopy Dance.
[It is odd really. The early rescue personnel reports massive amounts of ash and dust, but no human remains down there, and the Army boy’s were almost exalted, some apparently even started dancing when they were told.]
“Much like Xander is doing now, sir?” Jack asked.
[How is he dancing?]
“It looks a little like the Snoopy Dance, sir. If it was performed by an uncoordinated teenager, having an epileptic seizure.” Jack explained.
[Add full riot gear, and you are about right, I think.] Hammond replied, humor evident.
“WHOA!” Jack suddenly exclaimed, as the horizon started flipping around, and the artificial gravity struggled to keep up.
Dawn had decided to join Xander in his celebration dance.
Jack was too busy to hold onto anything at hand, to hear Hammond’s worried questions about what was going on.
” Jack suddenly bellowed.
Dawn stabilized her orbit, and Xander, who mysteriously hadn’t missed a single step, froze.
“Thanks,” Jack panted, looking at Xander. “Is this ship insane
Xander finally caught up, helped by Dawn’s quick apology over the link. “Not really, she’s just a twelve year old Californian girl.”
Jack glared at him, “You are kidding me, right?”
“No, I’m really not. Let me explain, briefly.” Xander quickly went through the events of the past few days, and added a little of the town history with vampires.
[I guess that explains the Army boy’s reaction.]
*Xander?* Dawn interrupted.
“Yes Dawn,” he answered out loud.
*I think I found something odd.*
“Please define ‘odd’.”
*Would a golden pyramid floating in space qualify?*
Xander looked at Jack. “Does that mean anything to you?” he asked.
“Oh, for crying out loud,” Jack exclaimed, before turning to the door, bellowing loudly down the corridor, “Carter, Daniel and Teal’c, get up here right away.”
*I think that means yes,* Dawn remarked, helpfully.
“No shit. But what? And where is it?”
*Trying to sneak up on us, I think. It’s between Earth and Mars. Approaching slowly.*
“Try and behave casually, Dawn, I’d like to know more before we attract its attention,” Xander suggested.
Xander was looking out the view port, at the lunar surface when he said this, and almost immediately the horizon started to slowly roll gently from side to side, while he heard a badly off tune whistled tune from the ships walls.
“Dawn, swaggering and whistling a dainty tune is not
casual, not even if you weren’t a spaceship,” he admonished her, quietly.
“That’s ok, Dawnie. Just don’t take your cues for casual and covert behaviour from Tom and Jerry, or Disney any more, please,” Xander replied, smiling,
“Where is the pyramid?” Jack asked from the entrance, as his team joined them on the bridge.
“Between Earth and Mars,” Xander repeated Dawn’s explanation. “You know what it is?”
“It is most likely a Goa’uld Ha’tak cruiser.” the tall guy replied. ‘Teal’c’ Xander reminded himself.
“Bad news I take it?”
“Almost certainly, can we talk to them? I’d rather not have them too close to Earth.”
“Fair enough,” Xander answered, “Dawn, please move a little closer, but keep an eye out for trouble.”
She did a U-turn, and started to fly towards the location of the unknown ship. Once in visual range, they could only look at the thing in wonder. It looked stupid. Bright golden colour, far too easy to see against the blackness of space.
“Dawn, please open a channel, and see if you can get their attention.”
They were greeted by the chirp from the communicator, signalling an open channel, followed by a bright blast of light streaming towards the pyramid shaped ship.
“Ehrm, Dawn.” Xander asked.
*Yes Xander?* came the sugar sweet reply. It almost made his teeth ache.
“What did I tell you to do?”
*To get their attention?* she asked.
Xander was fuming, making sure his displeasure was radiating clear across his link.
*What? I did get their attention, didn’t I? Don’t blame me for this!*
“Dawn, you BLEW UP half their ship!” Xander almost screamed.
*But you have their attention, and it’s not my
fault their armor sucks...* she tried to defend herself, when they were interrupted.
[This is your god As, you are in my territory, now bow before your god, and you may live.] came the reply from the remaining half of the ship.
“Pretentious fellow, isn’t he,” Xander asked no one in particular. “We just blew up half his ship, and he still acts as if he has the upper hand.”
Jack didn’t answer. He could only stare at the carnage in awe. This little ship had just taken out a Goa’uld mothership, with a single shot.