I do not own any of the characters.Buffy the Vampire Slayer
is owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, 20th Century Fox Television and others.Stargate SG-1
is owned by MGM Television, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Film Corp.Farscape
is owned by The Jim Henson Company.
This started as just a one shot, I think it's past that now :P
“Mrph mmmr mph...”
“Mmr mom, just another 10 please.”, he mumbled almost incoherently.
“Gaah!, I’m up, I’m up” Xander jolted to full consciousness, then it hit him. Several things did actually, the most immediate thing being the bottom of the table he apparently had been lying under. Then, “Dawn??”
*Finally, I’ve been trying to wake you up for the past 20 minutes.*
“Oww, what happened?” he muttered, eyes still squinting from the bright light coming from all around him. “What time is it?”
*It’s just after 9PM. We have a problem here Xander, a REALLY, big problem*
“What kind of problem?”
*Look out the window*
He did. He was met with the most beautiful sight any human can hope to ever see. There, hanging in the midst of perfect darkness was the blazingly brilliant blue, white and green pearl all humans called...home.
Of course as a frantic 16 year old having just been woken up, his vocabulary at the time was somewhat reduced to a fast paced, and repetitive string of “Oh Crap! Oh Crap! Oh Crap! Oh Crap!...”
*XANDER, SNAP OUT OF IT!*
“Sorry”. He tried to calm himself, and started to look around. “Uhm, Dawn, where are you, and why am I standing on the bridge of Talyn?”
*It is not Talyn, I’m Dawn*
It took a few seconds before Xander realized what he had just been told, and started to feel quite dizzy. He grabbed a hold of a console to steady himself. All things considered no one could find fault in him backsliding to the same repetitive vocabulary he had been using so proficiently moments before. “Oh Crap! Oh Crap! Oh Crap! Oh Crap!...”
*Xander, please, you are not the only one freaking out here!*
“You are a living spaceship?”
“Dawnie, is... a spaceship”, not so much a question as a statement.
*Yes!*, she sounded slightly annoyed.
“Dawnie, Buffy’s little sister is a spaceship?”
*...*, had Xander been more attentive, he would have recognized the silence for what it was.
“Buffy, the Vampire Slayers’... little sister is a SPACESHIP
?”. It didn’t help him grasp the reality of it any more than before, but repeating fact seemed to help a little.
“I am SO dead when Buffy find me.”, he had wanted to dress as John Crichton, but the costume had already been taken, so he went as Bialar Crais instead. Somehow Dawn had gotten wind of it, and in her 12 year old mind though it would be sweet to go as Crais’ other half, Talyn, so using costume bits from the same shop, she and her mother had managed to build a passable Talyn costume for her.
*Buffy the WHAT?*, Dawn interrupted Xanders flashback, quite loudly actually. Xander had started to think that having her in his head, without a volume button would be a problem he’d have to look into. Soon.
“Ehh, what what?”
*You said Buffy the VAMPIRE
He had the distinct feeling that had Dawn been standing in front of him, she’d be looking really unhappy, arms crossed in front of her, and tapping a foot, impatiently.
“I did. I thought you knew.”
*Well, I didn’t. Now spill!*
Xander spent the next 10-15 minutes telling Dawn all about the past year and a half after she and her family had moved to Sunnydale.
After having finished he started to receive a warm feeling across his link that could best be described as a hug. Then the feeling started to ... “DAWN! Stop!”
“For starters, you are just twelve.”
“No ‘buts’ Dawn. Please respect that. To me you are still a 12 year old girl” he said firmly. “And we are going to figure this out.”
He got the distinct feeling that Dawn, the spaceship was pouting. *ok*.
“Is there any way you can contact Buffy, Willow or Giles?”
*Yeah, yeah, hold your horses. I’m looking*
It was a few minutes later when Dawn finally came back, *I think I got it. Who do you want to try first?*
“I think Giles might be our best choice. I’m not looking forward to explain this to Buffy”, he replied, finishing the sentence muttering “At least not without a battalion as a backup”.
[Hello, Giles speaking]
“Hi Giles, it’s Xander. I have a few questions if you don’t mind”
[Sure, just a moment, I’ll be putting you on speakers]
“Uhm, who else is there?”
[Just Willow, Giles and me] he heard Buffy shout in the background.
[Xander, where are you] Giles asked, [we were worried when we couldn’t find you after the spell ended]
“What spell? What the hell happened tonight?”
Girls went into the details about the evening. How Willow and Jonathan Levinson had met up with Buffy, her having lost her powers, and brought her to safety, all the way up to Giles busting the statue of Janus, ending the spell and returning everyone to their old selves.
[Xander, where are you] Giles finished repeating his previous question.
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you” Xander started to explain, “Right now I’m inside Dawn, Buffy’s sister..” was about as far as he got before he heard a gasp from the other end of the connection. There was a dreadful cold running down his spine, and he went over what he had just said. “Oh sh..”
[You are inside WHO?], Buffy yelled loud enough to overload the microphone in the library telephone, reducing the rest of her sentence to unintelligible scratching noises in his earpiece.
[Dawn, is that you?] Buffy asked after having calmed down a bit.
[Are you ok, if he touched you in...]
*Calm down sis, you do not
get to SLAY him*
“Buffy, it’s not what you obviously think it is. I’m standing
inside Dawn” Xander felt he needed to defuse the situation before Buffy had signed his death warrant.
[Standing?”] Giles broke in. [How?]
“Dawn dressed as a space ship, and I as the … commander of that spaceship” he replied.
[That big ugly red and black thing?] Buffy asked incredulously. [That was supposed to be a spaceship?]
*Hey! I am NOT ugly, and my gun is BIGGER than your … STAKE!*
“Girls, girls, please quit the sibling rivalry” Xander begged. “At least till I’m not in the middle of it.”
[What do you mean stake? I don’t have a stake]
*Xander told me all about it*, Dawn replied, dragging out the word all in a sing-song voice
The bickering continued for quite a while. Xander sat down, face in his palms, trying to remember if there was anything on board he could use to kill himself.
[SILENCE!], Finally Willow had enough as well, and asserted her self.
[Thank you Willow] Giles and Xander said at the same time.
Giles continued [Let me get this straight, Dawn dressed as a spaceship, and now she IS that spaceship, and Xander is standing on-board her?]
[And you are … where?]
“Orbiting Earth, I’m looking at the Pacific Ocean and the US western coast line now” Xander replied.
[Oh dear!] Giles replied after a few moments, Xander could practically hear him polishing his glasses.
“So, how do we fix this?”
[I have no idea, this is unprecedented]
Buffy didn’t take that too well [Well, there must be something you can do. How am I going to tell mom that my sister is floating in space, with Xander inside her?]
“Please don’t involve me Buffy,” Xander started, “she’ll skin me alive.”
*Xander, I’m receiving a signal you might want to hear*
“Please, not now Dawn, this is important.”
[I agree, we need to focus on this problem, before someone finds out] Giles agreed.
*It is a little too late for that*
Dawn sent the signal to the loudspeakers on the bridge.
// Attention unknown ship, this is General George Hammond of the SGC, you are inside Terran territory, please state your intentions. Attention unknown shi... // the signal was cut off by Dawn.
“Oh Crap! Oh Crap! Oh Crap! Oh Crap!...”
*Funny*, Dawn thought, *It seems that a repetitive vocabulary is the order of the day.*
Just something I had to get out of my head. If anyone want to pick it up, please be my guest :P