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The Ongoing Adventures of Zeppo and Bondage Boy

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Story

Summary: Xander and Lindsey keep running into each other in the most interesting ways in the course of their work.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Xander-CenteredjujukittychickFR1525,3128263,9629 Mar 1311 Mar 13Yes

All Tied Up

Title: All Tied Up (aka The Further Adventures of the Zeppo and the Evil Lawyer)
Author: jujukittychick
Fandom: Buffy: tVS, Angel
Cast: Xander, Lindsey, Spike, Gunn, Scoobies
Rating: PG-13
Warning: brief violence, innuendo with some potential Xander/Lindsey pre-slash (otherwise it’s just Lindsey being evil and making Xander uncomfortable lol, whatever floats your boat)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the computer I'm typing this on and am making no money. Buffy and Angel belong to their respective creators and owners who *are* making money off them. I'm just doing this for my own fun and entertainment; in general, if you recognize something, I don't own it.
Beta: NONE! Any mistakes are mine, sorry
A/N: So yeah, “Bondage Boy” wouldn’t leave me alone. This is a follow up to my story First Impressions and is therefore an AU. This was also written a year and a half after the first one.

A/N2: I'm leaving this marked complete as I don't know when I'll get back to this universe, but after several people begged for more, I decided to bring this chapter (fic) over here too

Summary: Xander and the Scoobies have to rescue some A.I. members who have gone missing in their area. Of course, no good deed ever goes unpunished for Xander


“Mmmph! Mm mmm mph!”

The clash of metal striking metal and the thick, meaty sound of metal striking flesh accompanied by pained cries and angry yells echoed through the labyrinthine stone chambers, drowning out the muffled yelling and quiet thumping of wood against stone.

“Mm! Mmm mm Mmmmmmph!”

“Sounds… down there…”

“Mmmph!” More frantic muffled yelling and a staccato thumping of wood on stone followed the almost muted statement.

A heavy wooden door crashed open thanks to the use of a large axe and the muffled yelling and thumping of wood on stone stopped. Quiet filled the room for about five seconds before the snickering started quickly followed by the sound of a head beating repeatedly against wood and muffled cursing.

“Bondage Boy! We really gotta quit meeting this way.”

.oOo.

24 hours pre-rescue

“Magic Box, Xander speaking. Oh! Hey Queen C, what’s up? Who? Oh, okay. What’re they doing down here? Which ones are those? Lizardy? Likes caves? Yeah, okay. Why can’t something like nice sunny fields sometimes? Why’s it always got to be dark and wet and underground? I know, right. Yeah, I hear him. Tell Deadboy I send my worst. Haha, yeah, not happening. I’ll give you a call when we’ve got them. You too. Laters.”

Xander hung up the phone with a smile and looked up into six irritated faces. “What?”

.oOo.

23 hours pre-rescue

“I’m just saying that we really should have a phone line dedicated strictly to demon emergencies so we don’t tie up our valuable store phone for non-customers.” Anya glared as everybody proceeded to ignore her concerns the way they had for the past hour.

“So, these lizard things nabbed two of the Fang Gang while they were on the way to a treaty negotiation with another demon clan? So why are they calling us? Not that we won’t help, but why don’t they go after them? And what makes them think they’d be here anyways?”

Giles sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Buffy, the treaty they were trying to negotiate would have very strict guidelines, most likely including a strict timeline and a worthy gift. With Angel’s associates having been kidnapped, most likely with the gift, they now have to find another gift and still make the negotiation on time as well as having someone else learn the proper protocols. As to why they’d be here, well it is the Hellmouth and we do have quite the extensive cave and sewer system as we all know.”

Xander ignored Buffy’s muttered, “Just askin’,” and tilted his head curiously, looking down at his ragged tennis shoes. “So if they were headed to a negotiation, what are the chances they were grabbed by a different group of the same demons? Maybe a faction doesn’t want peace?”

At the complete lack of sound, he looked up into five startled faces. “What?”

.oOo.

6 hours pre-rescue

“So, I have been in conference with Wesley since last night after Xander’s… inspired question, and, as much as it pains me to say, he was correct.”

“Hey! I’m mister good ideas man! Who came up with the idea for the rocket launcher?”

Ignoring Xander’s outburst, Giles polished his glasses as he continued. “It appears that the reigning clan has been in power for the last couple centuries and a group of malcontents has decided to protest the latest trend towards making peace with their neighbors, preferring to pillage as they desire. It is believed that the group holding Angel’s people is pre-dominantly peaceful, content with using them as bargaining chips in order to deter the negotiations before releasing them. We should be able to simply retrieve them with a minimal show of force; they are primarily thieves and scavengers, not fighters.”

“Riiiiiight. Thieves and scavengers? A peaceful retrieval? I’m taking the axe. What? Don’t give me those looks! When has anything we’ve attempted ever gone peacefully? I’m taking my axe.”

.oOo.

30 minutes pre-rescue

“Told you I’d need the axe!” Xander ducked a crude, yet still sharp, sword and swung out with his axe, grunting as it impacted thick, scaly hide.

“Yeah, yeah, less talky, more choppy!” Buffy dodged a wild swing from her own opponent before trying to run it through with her own sword.

The group fought their way further into the cave, splitting up as they reached a fork in the tunnel – Giles and Buffy taking the right path while Xander and Spike went left, Tara and Willow staying behind to gather their energy in case any healing needed to be done as well as ensuring there wouldn’t be a surprise attack from behind.

Xander and Spike had barely made it into their tunnel before they heard a triumphant shout followed shortly after by Gunn’s voice.

“Um, you think we ought to continue or see if both of them were there?” Xander looked down the dark tunnel uncertainly.

Spike tilted his head, focusing for a moment before shrugging. “Sounds alright down there. You keep looking and I’ll check with the others then come get ya.”

Xander wrinkled his nose, not thrilled with the plan but figuring it was the best option they had at the moment. “’Kay. Hurry back.”

Not bothering to look after his roommate, Xander continued down the unusually quiet hall. Of course it was only because of the quiet that he managed to hear the incredibly faint thumping and mumbling from around a bend in the tunnel.

Because of the quiet, and with his goal in sight, well hearing anyway, Xander sped up, rounding the bend in the tunnel without checking first and proceeded to plow into the lizard thing standing guard at the door. Yelping in surprise, Xander stumbled backwards, axe already swinging in a high arc to strike an equally surprised demon in the neck. Grimacing as the spray of foul smelling blood sprayed across his face and chest, he pried the demon off his axe with a well-placed boot to its stomach.

Muttering about “stupid demons and their stupid foul-ass, rank, disgusting bodily fluids,” Xander tried the door, a maniacal grin tilting his lips as he found it locked. It took only a moment’s work for his axe to reduce the heavy wooden door to kindling. A quick sweep of the small room showed the only occupant to be the trussed up man attached to a wooden chair, probably the source of the thumping. Realizing who it was, though, caused his grin to grow, a snicker escaping as he bounced in amusement at the resigned look on the man’s face just before he started thumping his head against the back of the chair. Xander was pretty sure those were curses coming from behind the gag, too - they sounded an awful lot like some of the mumbles he’d heard from Spike when he’d been tied to his recliner.

“Bondage Boy! We really gotta quit meeting this way.”

.oOo.

The kid was, thankfully, carefully sawing through his ropes with that big ass axe of his, not saying anything, though Lindsey could hear the soft laughter spilling from him occasionally. Of course it was probably also why the kid hadn’t ungagged him and was apparently leaving his hands until last.

And just because his situation wasn’t embarrassing enough, the doorway soon filled with the rest of the Sunnydale group, he refused to call them Scoobies, and Gunn. Gunn whose lips were twitching as he looked at him, snickers slipping out as he apparently tried to find something to say.

“You know, man, I don’t know whether to feel insulted or not; they didn’t go through nearly this much trouble for me.”

The kid had finally freed one of Lindsey’s hands and he spared no time in getting rid of the disgusting cloth that had been gagging him. “Yeah, well, apparently they thought I was a wizard or something since I had the book and treaty.”

Lindsey heard the kid snicker at his words before he knelt in front of him to work on the rope securing his feet to the legs of the chair, carefully angling the axe head so it wouldn’t accidentally cut either of them in the process.

“You tell ‘em no, just an evil lawyer?”

Lindsey smacked the kid on the back of his head, earning a surprised yelp for his efforts. “I’m not evil; I’m working for you guys now, remember?”

Those deep brown eyes looked up at Lindsey through absurdly long eyelashes, a playful smile tilting that smart mouth. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You hit me, so, still evil, Bondage Boy.”

Lindsey could feel a purely evil grin tilt his lips as he heard the others laughing and whispering about the kid’s nickname, and remembered a couple nicknames he’d heard. Leaning forward, voice pitched low enough so that only the kid and possibly the vampire would be able to hear him, he spoke next to the kid’s ear. “Keep it up, Zeppo; you look good on your knees. Kinda makes me want to show you how well I can hit when properly motivated… though it would call for a lot less clothes on your part.”

The vampire’s choked laughter and the kid’s furiously blushing face and fish expression were totally worth it. Leaning back in the chair, he tugged gently at the last rope, reminding the kid of what he was supposed to be doing. Ignoring the muttered, “Yep, still evil, “ he patted the kid’s head as he felt the last rope fall free. “Good boy.”

“Oi! I like him. Can we keep him, pet? He can stay in your room.”

“Oh, sure, and I’ll just take your room and you can have the couch in front of the great big picture window.”

Lindsey looked from the laughing vampire to the still faintly blushing boy behind him. “Wait a minute… so y’all are… I know you said you were dating a demon…”

“What?! Spike? No! That was Anya…though with the bleach and gel and nail polish, I guess it’s easy to get confused.”

Lindsey shook his head as the vampire started sputtering and the kid simply smiled sweetly and batted his eyelashes, the rest of the group alternately laughing or sighing in exasperation at what must be the regular behavior for the two.

Gunn just shook his head. “I’m ready to get back to LA where things are normal.”

Giles, glasses in hand, finally spoke up, claiming the attention of the kids. “Indeed, I think we have lingered here more than long enough.”

.oOo.

Lindsey watched the others file out of the room, only the vampire lingering outside the door. Turning, he looked at the boy who was staring at him with a puzzled expression and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“You didn’t really mean what you said?”

Lindsey just grinned. “Guess you’ll just have to find out.” Gesturing toward the doorway, he started walking, laughing to himself at the kid’s stunned expression. “You heard him, Pet, time to go. So, Spike, it’s been a long couple days, I think I’ll take you up on the offer of that room. Though, no need to kick Xander out; I’m sure we can work out something.”

The two men’s laughter echoed down the tunnels, drowning out Xander’s yelled, “You’re both evil!” as well as his muttered “Not a pet” and “Stupid evil lawyers.” However, his yelled “I liked you both better tied and gagged!” carried all too well as evidenced by Spike’s “Ooh, kinky, Pet!”

Xander exited the tunnel to see the two leaning against the side of his car with almost identical cocky smiles, everybody else having already left. Climbing in the car, he slammed the door. As neither embodiment of evil made an effort to get in, he rolled down the window. “Are you two coming?”

Lindsey’s “Not yet!” set off another round of laughter and blushing that managed to last the short trip back to the Magic Box, thus prompting a round of even more embarrassing questions for Xander.

It was at a lull in the conversation, read endless teasing, that a purely evil grin tilted Xander’s lips, catching the attention of his two tormenters like nothing else. Xander hopped up, voice sounding down-right chipper as he made his way to the phone. “It’s okay, guys, you two have fun plotting. I just need to call Cordy and let her know all about the rescue mission. She just loves all those gritty, highly embarrassing, details. I’ll just let her know you’re planning on staying with me and Spike for a bit, ‘kay Linds?”

Lindsey and Spike sat, stunned at the sheer brilliance of the move, for a moment before Lindsey jumped up and started after Xander, who conveniently grabbed the cordless phone and made a run for it.

It would take Cordy a good half hour to find out the cause behind the roaring laughter in the background and Xander’s all too happy, “See! You’re not the only one who can be evil!”

The End

You have reached the end of "The Ongoing Adventures of Zeppo and Bondage Boy". This story is complete.

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