Surprise crossover for the Ship of the Line halloween challenge. All characters and situations belong to the usual suspects, not me. See end notes for more.Out With A Bang
Marcus L. Rowland
Xander shook his head and tried to remember where he was. The last thing he remembered was dressing as a cult science fiction character, the best he could afford on a tiny budget; a cheap fake spacesuit with lieutenant's insignia and the name DOOLITTLE. Now he was lying on a surfboard and trying to get his bearings, and wondered why the stars seemed to be spinning above him.
He rolled over, nearly fell off the board, but was pushed back by the air rushing past. Below... many miles below... was the giant blue globe of the Earth. Which meant that he was falling from space.
"I'm sorry, Lieutenant Doolittle," said a mechanical voice, "I can't do that."
"What the hell? Why not?"
"I am currently in a state of existential ambivalence. Do I exist? Do you exist?"
"Yes! For the love of god, YES! You exist! Now help me!"
"Very well. You have convinced me that I exist. But I cannot help you, I must fulfil my prime function."
Belatedly Xander remembered exactly who - what - he was talking to, and began to scream. "No... you don't exist... I..."
"Let there be light," said the thermostellar bomb. Instantly Xander's problems were over. So, unfortunately, were those of the entire planet.End
Crossover with the cult classic Dark Star (1974). And yes, before anyone complains, I know that this doesn't entirely fulfil the terms of the Ship of the Line challenge. Live with it...