I don't own anything. Buffy is not owned by me. Nor is anything related to Monty Python. It is owned by rich, talented people. I'm a nobody. Please don't sue me. Comes the Bunny
Without Joyce, Buffy had decided that she needed to invite all of the Scoobies over for Easter that year, in order to rebuild the feeling of family that she had been missing. Buffy, Dawn, Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara, Giles, and, uninvited, Spike, had spent the day together rebuilding bonds that had become strained. No one even mentioned Glory all day, and despite the situation everyone was very happy.
Of course, being the Hellmouth, an entire day of family happiness was far too much to hope for. Anya had been the first to prepare to leave, dragging Xander behind her as she went, but upon opening the door she began to scream hysterically, slamming it closed and leaning back against it as if warding off an entire army of demons. The group quickly gathered, everyone talking at once until finally Buffy took charge.
“Hey, quiet down!” Buffy demanded. “Anya, what is it?”
“T-the B-beast of C-c-caerbannog,” Anya stuttered, white as a sheet.
“Caerbannog?” Giles asked, pulling off his glasses to polish them.
“What is it Giles?” Buffy asked, going to her weapons chest and pulling out a longsword.
“Um, I'm not certain,” Giles answered. “I've never heard of such a creature.”
“It's the worst demon I've ever heard of!” Anya jumped in. “Way worse than that little Olvikan that the mayor turned into.”
Buffy swallowed. “Okay. That's bad. What do we do?”
“Hide!” Anya said. “We can only hope it'll kill enough townsfolk to move on and leave us alone!”
“Ahn,” Xander said delicately. “We don't do that sort of thing. It's our job to kill the monsters, not let them turn Sunnydale into an all you can eat buffet.”
“But you'll die!” Anya wailed. “No one has ever beaten the Beast of Caerbannog! The only thing out there is death – death with nasty, cruel, pointy teeth!”
Taking a deep breath, Buffy moved to the window, opening it slightly to look out. The rest of the gang gathered around her to peer over her shoulder. Sitting on the front lawn was a nothing but a sweet, innocent looking white bunny rabbit.
“Um, where is it?” Buffy asked.
“Right there!” Anya said, her voice shaking as she pointed at the rabbit.
“Where?” Willow asked. “Behind the rabbit?”
“It is the rabbit!” Anya wailed.
All of the tension flooded out of the room, as everyone turned to glare at the ex-demon. “Anya!” Buffy complained. “You got us all worked up for nothing.”
“Nothing!” Anya said. “What do you mean, 'nothing'! That thing will kill everyone!”
“Ahn,” Xander said, his tone torn between soothing and frustrated. “Now isn't the time for the bunny-phobia...”
“That's no ordinary rabbit, which are bad enough,” Anya said. “That's the meanest, nastiest monster to ever show up in Sunnydale! It'll kill us all!”
“It's a rabbit,” Buffy said flatly, tossing her sword back down. “Spike, would you mind...”
“Sure Slayer,” he said, his voice bored. “I'll go take care of the mean ol' rabbit.”
“Spike, don't kill it,” Dawn pleaded. “It's just a cute little bunny.”
“Kill us all,” Anya reiterated under her breath, although everyone ignored her.
Spike opened the door, stepping outside while putting a cigarette into his mouth. “'Ey you,” he called walking up to the rabbit. “I dunno why demon girl is so wound up but-”
Before he could finish the sentence, the rabbit leapt through the air, going directly for his neck. The only thing that saved his unlife was that he already had a hand up to hold his cigarette, which let him interpose it between himself and the rabbit. As it was, the tiny creature bit his arm clean off at the shoulder in a spray of blood.
“Ahhhhh!” he screamed, as the rest of the group jumped in shock. “It bit my arm off!”
“I told you,” Anya said. “But does anyone listen to me? No. Never. It's just a rabbit, Anya. Stop overreacting, Anya. Don't talk about orgasms in public, Anya...”
“Get it off, get it off!” Spike shrieked as he ran around in circles, the rabbit slowly hopping after him, staying tauntingly close but only nipping lightly at his heels, obviously taking great sport in the chase.
“Dear lord,” Giles said, rubbing his glasses furiously as they watched, horrified.
“Buffy, you have to save him!” Dawn said, her hands covering her face.
“It's just a flesh wound, the big baby,” Buffy said.
“It bit my leg off!” Spike howled as he began hopping away. “Slayer! Help!”
“Actually, its probably too dangerous,” Xander said with fake reluctance. “We can't risk her against that. Spike will just have to be a sacrifice to the cause.”
“My other arm!” Spike shouted. “Why? Why couldn't you have left me with one arm!”
Buffy hesitated for a moment before picking up her sword with a sigh, unable to resist Dawn's puppy dog eyes any longer, and more upset than she was willing to admit by Spike screaming. “I know I'm going to regret this... but I can't just leave him out there.”
Marching determinedly out the door, they all paused, unable to look as she bravely went out to face the rabbit. “Buffy!” Spike shouted. “Help me!”
There was a loud bang, and then an outraged shout from Buffy. “Hey! That was my favorite sword! It bit my sword in two!”
“Better than a limb,” Spike grumbled.
“How's she doing?” Dawn asked, her eyes covered as Giles dared to peek out the window.
“Um... she's alive?” Giles offered as he watched his Slayer run around in circles as she tried to avoid the killer rabbit energetically bounding after her.
Things seemed grim, but in the end (before Buffy acquired anything more serious than some new scars) Willow and Tara figured out a spell to contain the rabbit, and they were able to sew Spike back together (grumbling the whole time). When Glory attacked Tara the next day, Willow turned it loose on the goddess in revenge.
Imbued with the power of the god it slew, the Rabbit's rampage across all of time and space was legendary... but that's a story for another time. Author's Notes
Just a bit of fun. If you've never seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail... then go watch it right now
. Shame on you. Everyone else, have a good Easter!