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Ascension and How it can Really Suck…

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Summary: A simple costume can take one far from home. (BtVS/Andromeda/Stargate SG-1)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Television > AndromedaSemetFR1848,30957214,99821 Jul 139 Mar 14No

Chapter 4 - The Wrinkles in the Roadtrip - Part 1

AN: Finally! I finally got the ideas/time I needed to finish this chapter. It's been sitting on my computer for months half way finished and periodically driving me nuts and now it's done in preparation for the next one! A little shorter than I was hoping for, granted, but not too bad if I do say so myself. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this little tidbit.


Xander had been with the Andromeda Ascendant and her crew for some time now. Through adventure after adventure and one spot of trouble after another he’d been with them. But soon he knew that he would have to leave them, at least for a while. And even though he had taken on a more mortal guise, via the form of Fizban, he knew that he would have to leave things solely in their hands for a time or risk the others stepping in. After all, there were only so many seemingly little things going right that could be explained away as coincidence before those around him would inevitably start asking questions. Never the less, Xander knew he would miss them, despite the fact that he would always be aware of their presence and know what they were up to any time he put his mind to knowing.

So when he saw his chance to exit stage left he took it. And that chance came when Beka Valentine got a message from her dear old ‘Uncle Sid’. And when Trance decided to stow away, well, he just couldn’t help himself.


Beka was looking at a report that she was holding in her hand as she walked through the common area of the ‘Maru when she stopped for a moment, back tracked a little, and gave a long purple appendage hanging from the ceiling a sharp tug. As expected, Trance Gemini came down with a startled yelp. Only, she wasn’t alone.

“Blast it all!” the crabby old voice of Fizban shouted out as he hit the floor grating of her ship hard, whereas Trace landed on her feet without difficulty, “Why is it always my back? It isn’t fair!” For her part Beka just ignored the two of them for a moment while Trance helped the elderly man get back on his feet.

“Let me guess,” Beka said, once again looking at the flimsy in her hand, “Dylan asked you to keep an eye on me.” It wasn’t a question.

“Well… Actually, Dylan wanted to send Rev Bem along, but then he changed his mind because he thought he would need him for the storm and…” Trance said only to be interrupted by her friend.

“Let’s cut to the chase,” Beka said with a tone of definite exasperation as she turned back towards the purple alien, “you wanted to come along so you snuck on board, and Fizban, for some reason or another, decide that it was a good idea and tagged along. Is that about right?” Apparently it was because Trance just looked adorably abashed at the blonde woman’s words before she looked down a bit and said,

“Yes, that about covers it.”

“You’re not mad at us are you?” Fizban asked with a look that made him looked like a scolded puppy as he stood right behind Trance and leaned on his walking stick. Beka just looked at the two would be stowaways before shaking her head with a little sigh and saying,

“No, I’m not mad… Just come on.” With that the cargo ship captain and more than occasional smuggler headed off in the direction of the bridge. Trance gave a little squeal at the fact that they weren’t in any trouble and gave Fizban a high five when he held up his hand with a happy grin of his own that nearly split his wrinkled face in half.


“Don’t worry, I’ll look after her. Love, Trance.” Dylan read aloud as he walked on to the bridge.

“So?” Harper asked, never taking his eyes off the screen he was standing in front of with Tyr.

“So, now I’m worried.” Dylan stated.

“There both big girls, they can look after themselves,” Harper said, “Besides, we have plenty to worry about right here.” What followed in the conversation was a mild argument between Harper and Tyr over what parts needed to be priorities over others before Rev walked in and asked,

“Has anyone seen Fizban? I’ve been looking all over for him, but I can’t seem to find him.” At Rev’s question everyone just froze before Dylan looked back down at the message in his hand and summed up everyone’s thought with a rather succinct,

“Oh, crap.”


“Yuck,” Beka said as she stepped in yet another puddle of muck, “I hate planets. How can anyone live like this?”

“Oh boohoo, young lady. It’s not like you’re the Wicked Witch or something, you won’t melt just from getting splashed with a little water.” Fizban said with a chuckle as he continued to totter along behind the two women. Well, he was pretty sure that Trance was a woman, but what he wasn’t sure about was how to go about confirming his assumption without coming off as a major pervert. Sadly, the two ladies in question ignored him because they really weren’t sure what he was talking about.

“Well, didn’t your people evolve on a planet?” Trance asked as the three companions stepped out of a dingy tunnel and into a small plaza of sorts where everyone seemed to be wearing one type of shaded goggles or another.

“Yeah, well the smart ones left…” This conversation went on for a bit before the three companions came upon a group of flash addicts, asked them a few questions, and promptly got involved in a scuffle that somehow or another eventually got them abducted of all things. Oddly, Fizban, the seemingly most fragile person in their little group, came out without even the tiniest of scratches ,whereas Becka had to wake up in a super expensive loft that her father’s old business partner had set aside for her and her friends with a good sized lump on her head. In another universe things would not have happened like they did, but that universe isn’t quite as interesting as this one…


As Becka groggily woke up wondering where she had ended up this time she looked around and found herself in a lavishly furnished and decorated apartment while lying on a soft couch. Suddenly, Trance entered her line of sight from an alcove off to the side with a bowl filled with what looked like chocolate in her hands.

“Oh Becka, you’re awake!” Trance exclaimed happily as she practically bounced up and down while holding the bowl in her hands more tightly to her chest.

“Yeah, I’m awake,” Becka said slowly as she finally sat up while rubbing the back of her head, “What happened? Where’s Fizban?”

“Oh, he’s in the next room.” Trance said before drawing her attention to a door positioned behind, “He said he was going to try and enjoy ‘such a nice day with such a nice view’ to the fullest.” Now curious as to what her purple friend meant by that Becka moved off of the couch toward the indicated door to find out just what the old coot was up to. In fact, for some reason she was so curious about what it was Fizban could be doing that thoughts on just where the hell she was and how she had gotten there had been temporarily pushed out of her head as she reached the door in question.

“Um, he said that he wanted to be alone…” Trance spoke up from behind Becka as she reached for the controls for the door. Looking behind her as she hit the button Becka responded with,

“I’m sure it’s fine. I mean what could he possibly be -” She didn’t quite get to finish as her ability to speak suddenly left her. Behind her Trance gave a small startled ‘Eep!’. The reason for her sudden speechlessness was simple, because for some god awful reason Fizban was nude. Completely and utterly stark naked…

“Oh, oh God, why!?” Becka sputtered out in a choked voice as she continued to stare at the spectacle in front of her. She could see everything… So, so wrinkly… And where the hell was his ass! Why did the old man have an ass!? Why the hell was she staring at where his ass should be!? And if this wasn’t bad enough hearing the noise behind him Fizban then turned around.

From there Becka promptly fainted while behind her a stock still Trance somehow went from her standard purple to an almost black coloring in the face due to the blush trying to burn its way through her cheeks. Thankfully, the poor girl was able to find a distraction from the ‘old man glory’ that was Fizban by rushing over to see to her friend. This was the scene that the old partner of Becka’s father, Sid Barry, walked into have just heard that his guests were now all awake. All of this would be something that stuck with him the rest of his days.

“Well, hello there!” Fizban happily as he waved toward the new arrival in greeting while making no move to put something on. “It’s such a beautiful day. Don’t you agree?”


AN: Yeah, I know... I just couldn't help myself. And yes, I know, but after that last scene I just had to end it there. Anyway, please take a moment to let me know what you all think. Here's to hoping I see you all next time! All the best, ~Semet

AN: Also, a metaphorical cookie of awesome if anyone can tell me just what other wizard I'm alluding to in this last scene.

The End?

You have reached the end of "Ascension and How it can Really Suck…" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 9 Mar 14.

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