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We Brake for Nobody...A different Ship of the Line

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Summary: Halloween's come and twisted everyone's Schwartz..

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Xander-CenteredCrazyDanFR1818501266,53522 Jul 1322 Jul 13No
We Brake for Nobody, a Different Ship of the Line...

A BTVS/SG-1/Spaceballs fusion...

This is my response to Zaion's challenge. It was spawned in a moment of odd inspiration and I'm going to do my best to make this as it needs to be.

I am not the creator of Buffy and Friends. I am not the copyright holder of Stargate SG-1. I also don't have an ounce of ownership to the Schwartz. This is a work of Fanfiction and should be treated as such. This is not written for profit, merely amusement and to put something the internet that isn't porn or crazy cat videos.

That being said... away we go.... Just remember... alternate realities exist in this fusion so...Eeney, Meeney, Miney... Magic!

The Upper Realms.....

In his time as the reborn Greek God of Strife, Xander Harris and seen and done some pretty wild things.

He'd been praised as a hero by some and cursed as a villain by others. Mainly Hercules and his family.

It had been more than a century since he'd ascended in that little accident involving Tupperware in a certain Mayor's office. Some of his mortal friends had passed while two had ascended in their own way.

He and Cordelia were still dating every couple years or so. It was much like when they were both mortal but now small wars started whenever they really started arguing.

His relationship with Dawn, the living Key to the Multiverse however, was what led to him coming to the halls of Toltiir and his abandoned game of 'The Bet'.

“What are you doing here?” A voice demanded as Xander entered a room lit by a small pool of water.

Xander turned in the darkness and spotted the small form of the other Chaos god.

“S'up.” Xander nodded. “I just found out about this place and it got me curious.”

“Curious how?” Toltiir asked as he jumped up onto his perch by the viewing pool.

“Well... in my reality I'm a reborn god of Chaos. I know I'm not in others or else I could feel them. My friend told me about what you used to do with this Ranma fellow. I was wondering if you'd be interested in messing with alternate versions of me. There's enough chaos in many of my lives for it to be suitably entertaining.” Xander offered.

“Get your rump on a stump. We'll see what we can do.” Toltiir said and with a twitch of his tail a tree stump of suitable height appeared next to the viewing pool.

With a grin, Xander sat down and began his initial idea. “You see, when I was but a young and only sightly dumber teenager... I was touched by Janus on one fateful Halloween night.”

“Oh. Him.” Toltiir said before summoning said god to the pool.

“Yo.” Janus said as he popped his heads into the room. “This again?”

“New victim.” Toltiir said with a nod towards Xander.

“Ah. Well.. that's different then. I'm game.” Janus said as he got a better look at Xander. “You. Even when you were mortal you screwed with so many scenarios.”

“Yup.” Xander agreed. “So... there are lot of things we could do but the first thing I would like involves this.” Xander said as he held up a small box.

“You're going to use that?” Janus asked with a grin on both his faces. “That would take a lot of power to pull that off. More than the three of us have.”

“Power comes in many forms, including wishes and dreams.” Xander said with a solemn nod. “Never underestimate the dreams of men. Some go so far that those same dreams become the dreams of many others.”

“You're going to tap into the power of nerds.” Toltiir said. “Risky.”

“Not really.” Xander grinned. “So... how about it?”

Janus and Toltiir looked at each other before agreeing.

“All right.” Xander said as he dropped the small box he was holding into the viewing pool. “Let's get this party started.”

Universe 346534-B....

October 28th 1997, Sunnydale California.

“Mom, where are the Twinkies?” Xander asked as he was helping his mother put away the groceries.

“I looked for them but they were out of stock. Something about a labor dispute.” Jessica Harris told her son. “I got you something just as good. You used to love it back in little league.”

“Cracker Jack?” Xander asked as he spotted the large bag of caramel coated popcorn. “There had better be one heck of a prize inside.” He muttered to himself before shrugging and grabbing the bag. “Thanks mom.”

“Don't spoil your appetite. We're having Shake and Bake Pork chops for dinner.” His mom reminded him.

“I won't Mom.” Xander told her as he rolled his eyes. It was one of the few dishes she could cook without burning or poisoning anyone. He headed upstairs to his room. He had a snack to munch on and a prize to gripe about.

Little did he know that the prize inside would change the fate of the world in just a few days.


The End?

You have reached the end of "We Brake for Nobody...A different Ship of the Line" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 22 Jul 13.

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