Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS, none of it. I don't own Assassins Creed either. I wish I did, but alas, the cruel truth is I do not.
Summary: Buffy thinks on her love life, and why nothing has gone right.
Fifth in the "Altair's Reflection" Series. I think I will do a full length story eventually to go along with this, for right now it's just one shots. :DHad to edit this when I realized that the Spuffy romance never happened because of Buffy remembering Altair's memories. And I accidently put him in here.
Love just never seemed to be in her cards.
As Altair, or as Buffy, love just never worked out. The moment Altair saw Maria, he felt this pull this tug to be near her that even her being a Templar couldn't stop his growing feelings. He went for it, threw himself into it and somehow him and Maria had gotten happiness only for betrayal to take it all away. Buffy sometimes woke up screaming as the memory of Maria's throat being slit haunted her dreams.
Buffy also had some major realization that came with her past life's memories, of her love life. Angel, and Riley. She never really had been in love with them. Oh, she had loved them of course. But not IN love with them. It was only now comparing the feeling that her--Altair--had for Maria did she truly recognize the difference.
Angel, it had been all about hope and pain. Hope that somehow there would be a way for them to be together. And the pain that eventually drove them apart. Riley it had been about safety and normal and pretending to be something she wasn't. It hadn't been fair to either of them, and the relationship was doomed to fail.
But Altair's love for Maria, it had been all those things. Hope, pain, saftey, love, warmth. And as much as she loved Angel and Riley, they weren't anything to her like Maria had been once upon a time. She had loved them, but she wasn't in love with them.
And no, it wasn't all their fault.
If it was anyone's, it was hers. She couldn't trust herself fully with them. Perhaps subconciously, she was too afraid to let herself be happy. Too afraid to lose it all again. She had barely survived last time, and if she wasn't certain she could take it again.
However that didn't stop the wanting. The longer for a lover's kiss, or arms that would hold her tight. The longing to be with someone with no expectations, just to bask in the warmth of love. Buffy wondered if she would ever find it again, like she had with her Maria. Her heart squeezed at the thought, and she heard Dawn open the door behind her, "Buffy. They are here."Time to face the music,
Buffy thought with sigh.
RRs are appreciated. This is short, and I won't put a confrontion with the Scoobies in a one shot. It will be in the full length story that I am working on right now.