Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and The Blob characters are the property of their original owners.
A demoralized Spike kept on desperately running through the night-time Pennsylvania countryside, crashing through bushes and other greenery along the way. At every few panicky strides, the vampire fearfully glanced over his shoulder, even though he knew deep down there wasn’t any real reason to feel pursued. Spike didn’t care; he still wanted to put as much distance as possible between himself and that bloody town back there.
He hadn’t felt like this ever before about what the blond demon encountered mere minutes earlier and next made a frantic sprint away from, while being so damned apprehensive. That definitely included during then whatever other perils in his unlife which Spike had come across and next casually dismissed as nothing to be worried about, rather. Such as, the bizarre creature from outer space known as The Blob.
Spike first confronted that giant amoeba-like alien just hours ago when he’d slipped into the town’s movie theater (without paying, naturally), and sat in the dark while deciding which of the crowd there would do for his dinner. This menu selection was soon interrupted by an oozing mass composed of several hundredweight of a jelly-like substance bursting out from behind the projection screen and overwhelming the audience.
The genuine oddness of that event had caused Spike to stay stock-still in sheer astonishment where he’d been sitting, gawking at how that thing was consuming everyone in the theater -- right up to the point when it abruptly extruded an appendage and seized Spike with this elastic limb, easily drawing the struggling vampire into its main mass.
There’d had been a bad moment or two for Spike during this, until he noticed that unlike the other captured people, his demonic body wasn’t being dissolved and absorbed by this oversized lump of soddin’ aspic. Maybe the magic which allowed for the existence of a walking corpse with a fervent hunger for human blood might have had something to do with it.
Regardless, Spike was firmly held inside the squishy substance covering every bit of the vampire’s body, and he couldn’t get free. No matter how hard he punched, kicked, and clawed, the strange stuff surrounding him simply flowed back into place without the slightest signs of damage. Spike eventually ceased in these fruitless endeavors, particularly when the previous clear gel keeping him captive slowly changed into a reddish shade, cutting off his vision.
There’d been no way to tell how much time passed then, with all his other senses equally useless. In the interior darkness of his mobile prison, Spike sullenly waited for any possible chance that might come along for him to break loose. This eventually ensued, accompanied by what Spike hadn’t been expecting at all -- an increasing cold
Right after this unanticipated, steep drop in the temperature around him, Spike could now actually touch what was at present encasing him in icy solidness. He promptly took full advantage of this, digging his way through the tunnel ahead of him created by vigorous thrusts and sweeps of his hands and arms propelled by every bit of his monstrous strength. Spike finally burrowed his way to freedom, emerging horizontally just a foot or so above ground into what looked like some back alley. Shoving his body completely clear of the enormous frozen chunk of an alien entity, the demon landed on his hands and knees onto stained asphalt. Only his inner chiding that he bloody didn’t do things like this kept Spike from thankfully kissing the alley floor.
Instead, Spike got to his feet with all the dignity the vampire could manage, brushed off his clothes, and then he discreetly circled around the block to investigate the noisy fuss going on at the front of his new location. There, he found a bunch of townsfolk with discharged carbon dioxide fire extinguishers celebrating their victory over The Blob, which was when Spike learned what else had happened tonight.
Keeping to the shadows while lighting up a celebratory fag, Spike enjoyed the tobacco’s harsh bite, until his empty stomach reminded the vampire he still hadn’t had a chance for a proper repast tonight. Idly glancing around at the happy crowd of humans to determine who wouldn’t be immediately missed or just thought to have been one more of The Blob’s victims, Spike’s gaze ultimately fell upon him.
Standing there in horrified awe, Spike couldn’t help but numbly wonder if everyone else there were totally blind to the incarnation of calm within their midst. Why wasn’t anybody falling to their knees and worshipping that nonchalant bloke? Yes, this young man in front of a destroyed diner appeared as if he’d only recently come into his powers, but to Spike’s supernatural senses, he was still a boundless display of splendiferous cool.
Cringing away from psychically witnessing so much of someone’s ability to remain levelheaded and manly in the most difficult circumstances possible, Spike felt absolute despair creeping over him at how much less he was compared to that gent. Throughout his whole existence as a vampire, Spike had swaggered and sneered and acted as macho as possible, all to compensate for being such a timid wanker endlessly spewing out horrible poetry in his previous breathing days. And right now, he was facing somebody who put him, William the Bloody, damned well into the shade.
Spike spun around and ran like hell.
He didn’t stop until he was far, far away from that Pennsylvania town and its savior, who was apparently named ‘Steve.’
Author’s Note: The character of Steve Andrews in the 1958 horror film The Blob
was indeed played by one Steve McQueen who later went on to make a few little films like The Sand Pebbles, Bullitt, Papillon, The Thomas Crown Affair,
and The Great Escape,
during which this actor acquired the rightful nickname of ‘The King of Cool.’