Title: Financial advice.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy. I don’t own Stargate sg1. I don’t even own this computer.
Spoilers: None, really.
Distribution: Tth. If you want it, feel free to take it, just tell me first.
Summary: Anya gives out some… rather creative financial advice.
A/N: What Anya might be up to if she hadn’t dated Xander. Dedicated to my twin sister for all the M&M’s I’ve nicked from her over the years. Sorry, they are just so tempting with the chocolate and the peanuts. Oh, yeah, before I forget. Reviews make me all giddy inside. I like to be giddy.
They stepped into Hammond’s office. The General waved them into the room with something that looked suspiciously like relief, then plastered a polite smile on his face.
‘Sg1, I’d like you to meet miss Anya Jenkins, she was sent here by the Pentagon to assess the finances of our operation, she has full clearance and has been briefed on the gate. Miss Jenkins,’ another painfully pleasant smile, ‘Sg1 will escort you around the base, you will report any suggestions to them. Dismissed.’ With that he gestured them towards the door, making sure to close it securely behind them.
‘Right, as you know the Stargate has been in service for almost five years. During that time we’ve had several technological breakthroughs, as well as gathered a huge amount of knowledge about other cultures and human history…’ Daniel explained as they walked down the corridors, pointing out Carter’s lab, the dialling computer, the gate itself, and the infirmary on their way.
‘You’re cute. We could have sex later.’ Anya said suddenly, after having looked Daniel over with obvious appreciation. ‘I’ve been told that I’m very good at it.’ She added as a further incentive.
Jack exploded into a sound somewhere between a cough and a choked laugh.
‘Ahh…’ Daniel croaked, blushing furiously, hoping to come up with something, anything, to say, silently cursing every god out there when despite his vast knowledge of language nothing came to mind.
‘Perhaps we should stay on the subject, ma’am?’ Sam intervened as the truly good and wonderful friend she was. Jack, - the traitor! – was having the time of his life and didn’t even bother to hide it, while Teal’c had simply raised his eyebrow, and somehow managed to look only mildly curious. Damn, sometimes he really wished he could be more like Teal’c.
‘Oh, that’s easy. You’re throwing money out the window, which is actually very impressive considering you don’t have any. You could make a fortune on this place with the right marketing. Alone the Stargate is worth millions! I can see it now, Family trips to Abydos! A chance to see the universe for only 500$!’ she frowned, ‘You could probably demand more if you invested in some kind of resort on the planet… you could make it into one of those places for the rich and the famous. They have lots of money.’ Anya was positively glowing, thinking of all the money they could make.
‘You do know that this is a secret military installation, right?’ Jack asked, his mouth still twitching as he tried to contain his mirth.
‘So?’ He repeated disbelieving, ‘You can’t just turn a top secret base into a tourist attraction!!’ What the hell was wrong with her? She was honest to god serious about this!
‘Well, of course they’d have to wear blindfolds.’ She explained as if he were a five year old and it was the most logical thing in the world. Jack and Daniel shared an incredulous look, she had to be crazy, it had to be some kind of joke.
They walked past an empty storage room, and Anya stopped in her tracks, how could these people not see it? It was brilliant! But then again humans always surprised her with their total lack of financial sense. She might be a human, now, too, but at least she still knew how to make sound business decisions.
‘We are not renting out the mountain!’ Sam gritted her teeth, this was ridiculous! So they had a few spare rooms, that didn’t make them a warehouse, she didn’t care how much rent they could ask for!
‘You don’t have to get all aggressive, I’m just pointing out ways for you to optimise your profit. And frankly, with the way you are running this place, you should thank me for it.’ Well, if they didn’t want her advice! Anya shrugged, it was sad, really, but it’s not like she could just throw the money at them.
‘I believe it would be conductive if we focused on the missions. We have indeed secured satisfying amounts of naqquadah, and technology as well as freeing many who were slaves to the false gods.’ Teal’c inclined his head.
‘Oh!… oh! That’s good Teal’c,’ leave it to the alien to finally show some common sense, Anya rolled her eyes, ‘So how many people would you say you’ve freed? On average?’
‘What…?’ Daniel had a really bad feeling about this, he couldn’t even say why, right now he was just utterly mystified, but he just had the feeling he wouldn’t like what she was going to suggest next. He mentally braced himself.
‘I’m just saying that you spend an awful lot of money saving all those people, and that’s really nice of you,’ she patted Jack on the arm, ‘But it wouldn’t be entirely unfair to ask for a bit of reimbursement, after all you have saved them from a life in slavery. Maybe a tax system…’ Anya finally noticed the shocked looks around her, ‘What? Like you haven’t been thinking the same thing! If you think about it it’s really unfair of them to expect you to risk life and limb without getting paid for it... It’s just like all those people who go into a shop without buying something. It’s almost like they think people open shops for the fun of it! It should be against the law, it’s un-American! I bet they don’t even care that it’s bad for the economy! You’d think they would worry about that. Some people are just so inconsiderate.’ Anya sighed saddened by the insensitiveness of people today.
Sg1 had at this point given up on their protests and quickly concluded the tour, taking leave of miss Jenkins by the elevator.
‘Was she for real?!’ Jack asked no one in particular.
‘I have no idea, I’m just going to pray that she doesn’t decide to take an interest in the legislative process.’ Daniel answered still somewhat shell-shocked.
‘So… who is going to give Hammond her recommendations on this place?’ Jack asked.
‘I have that experiment, very time sensitive…’ Carter hastily retreated.
‘…translation that I have to do…’Jack barely caught Daniel’s words as the archaeologist disappeared around the nearest corner.
‘I must perform the Kel’Noreem.’ Teal’c stated as he too ran for the hills.
Jack looked around in the now empty corridor.