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Don't Taunt Murphy Like That, Jack!

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Scooby-Gate Command". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Their two groups' initial meeting isn't going nearly as well as Giles or Hammond had hoped it might.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > GeneralGreywizardFR1514,1840238,36325 Sep 1325 Sep 13Yes
Disclaimer: None of them are mine. The Scoobies belong to Joss and ME, and the Stargate people belong to Jonathan Glassner, Brad Wright and MGM, too, I think. Deal with it. I have.

Time Frame: Approximately eight months after Season Seven's 'Chosen' for the Scoobies, and the beginning of Season Two for Stargate SG-1, with the SG timeline unchanged except that the Season One episode, 'Solitudes,' never happened. I'm massaging the occurrence of various events in the Stargate timeline in order to satisfy my muse, which will explain the appearance of various beings at points in time earlier than their canon arrival. This story starts immediately following the conclusion of 'I'm Telling You, Kid, There's No Such Thing As Magic!'

Spoilers: None intended, but if you don't know what happened up to this point, you really need to read the other two stories in the series, first.

Character Bashing: Not all that much, really. I'm trying to put a different spin on Kinsey's character and not portray him as the mostly one-dimensional putz shown in the Stargate series. Let me know what you think of my attempt. And please be specific about what you do or don't think worked, if you would.

Feedback: Of course! Like Tenhawk says, it's the coin of the realm!

Archiving: Talk to me first, please.

Author's Note 1: Many thanks to Bill Haden and Theo (Starway_Man) for beta-ing this story.

Author's Note 2: As usual, “word” indicates speech, :: word :: indicates mental communication and { word } indicates a character's thoughts.

Author's Note 3: As noted above, the Season One episode, 'Solitudes,' never happened and, thus, the existence of the Ancients' Antarctic Stargate was never discovered. Whether it actually exists at all is not yet known. Other Stargate information and history (for all of the various series) will be massaged to follow my muse's dictates, and as I consider necessary to fit in my own personal universe.

Author's Note 4: This is story #3 in the 'Scooby-Gate Command' series, and follows 'Just The People I Wanted to See – Not!' and 'I'm Telling You, Kid, There's No Such Thing As Magic!'.


Star Gate Command
Colorado Springs, CO

January 21, 2004
1049 hours Central Time

"Excuse me, sir," the uniformed soldier who'd cautiously stuck his head inside the conference room said very politely as he broke into the discussion currently going between Stargate Command's most noteworthy team and the group who typically still referred to themselves as 'The Scooby Gang.'

"I'm sorry to interrupt your meeting, but something's come up –" the airman began, before he was himself interrupted as a grey-haired man in a very expensive-looking suit somehow managed to slide past him through the partially-opened hall door and enter the conference room.

"That's all right, son," the man said, patting the soldier on the shoulder as he deftly slipped by him and into the room. "I'll take care of things from here on in."

Each of the Scoobies noted how the facial expressions of all the Stargate Command personnel – except for the guy who had been introduced as Teal'c, who continued to maintain a completely (and rather impressive) impassive expression – upon seeing the newest arrival made it clear that none of them were at all pleased to see him, and the Gang's curiosity was clear on all of their faces as they surreptitiously prepared themselves to react.

"Good morning, George," the man said, addressing General Hammond with a seemingly amiable tone even as he gave the entire room a quick, but thorough, examination. Rather like a mako shark looking at a school of fish.

"I hate to interrupt your meeting, but rumor on the Hill has that the SGC is selling the 'Gate to a group of foreign interests," the man stated as he then refocused his attention on Hammond. "And since that's obviously not in the country's best interests, I felt it would be best if I stopped by and determined what the actual facts of the situation are."

Focusing his attention upon the conference table and the Sineya Foundation members seated around it, the man gave them the professional smile of a career politician (or a psychopath), as he said, "Good morning. I'm Senator Robert Kinsey, and I head up the Senate Commission on Technology and Development –"

The Senator's self-introduction abruptly broke off as his eyes stopped and locked onto one particular member of the Scooby Gang – and an expression of outrage, and what some might term absolute hatred, appeared on Kinsey's face.

"Rupert Giles?!" Kinsey choked out through his rage, though the deep red color of the man's face might have made an impartial observer think the Senator was suffering a heart attack or a stroke.

"What the hell are *you* doing here?" Kinsey angrily demanded, his reaction to the Foundation head's presence surprising and/or alarming everyone present. "I was told you died, along with all those other Council bastards you work with, in those bombings last year!

"Good morning, Robert," Giles greeted the Senator with an impassive expression, nodding his head in acknowledgement of the other's presence. "It's been a quite few years, although obviously not even close to enough of them."

"General Hammond! I'm ordering you to arrest this man and take him into custody immediately!" Kinsey barked, ignoring Giles' comment as he turned to address the SGC Commander, while pointing a finger at the Englishman.

"This man is an undesirable foreign national, who is deeply involved with an illegal organization that is responsible for the kidnapping and deaths of scores of young girls over at least the past four decades!" the normally quite well-mannered Senator was practically apoplectic as he spoke to the SGC Commander.

"And I know, without any doubt, whatsoever," Kinsey continued, as he turned to glare at Giles, "that at least a dozen of those kidnapped girls were American citizens, so you most definitely have appropriate grounds to detain him!"

The expressions of surprise, shock and suspicion which appeared on the faces of all of the Air Force personnel at Kinsey's accusations, when combined with their straightening up in their chairs, as though prior to standing, was all it took to galvanize the Scoobies into action.

"Nobody's arresting Giles, and nobody's taking him into any kind of custody, either!" Buffy stated, loudly and firmly, as she practically leaped up out of her chair and positioned herself defensively by her father-figure's side. The group's father-figure merely remained sitting, a considering expression creasing his forehead as he stared at the furious Senator.

Taking their cue from Buffy, all of the other Scoobies, save Giles, had each quickly risen from their chairs and assumed defensive positions.

Faith mirrored Buffy's actions on their mentor's other side, Xander and Willow bolstering Buffy's side of the table with Dawn and Andrew backing up Faith's side. All of the Scoobies were clearly poised to take action, should it become necessary.

The air around both Willow's and Dawn's hands appeared to be shimmering slightly, Buffy was holding a Roman gladius in her right hand while tossing a duplicate blade to Faith, Xander had a Glock 20 semiautomatic in his right hand and a kukri in his left, and Andrew was currently holding some sort of Rube Goldberg-looking device – and holding it in what looked to be a clearly capable manner. All this made the SG-1 team members react with an equal mixture of caution and vigilance, with them scrutinizing their visitors with even more curiosity and wariness than the morning's earlier events had triggered.

{ Where in the hell did these kids have *those* things hidden? } Jack wondered to himself as he eyed Buffy's and Faith's swords, Xander's 10mm (which was lined up, but not *quite* pointing at the senior senator for New Jersey) and Andrew's seemingly jury-rigged gadget, as he and his teammates tried to keep an eye on all of their guests, while trying to guess what they might do. O'Neill was quite certain he would have noticed the kid pulling anything like that out of his shoulder bag, even as his right hand started to reach for...

"SG-1! You will STAND DOWN!" Hammond's voice boomed through the conference room, and all four members of the gate team focused their attention on the face of their clearly displeased commanding officer, who was currently shifting his scowl between them and Kinsey.

"I shouldn't have to remind any of you that, while he is a guest here, Senator Kinsey holds absolutely no authority to order the detention of *anyone* he might encounter – let alone a guest invited here by the President – but obviously, a reminder *is* needed," the General declared firmly, making his premiere team cringe the slightest bit as he glowered at them.

"Senator," Hammond continued as he turned to face the near purple-faced man who was currently glaring at the CEO of the Sineya Foundation with a look which could most accurately be called 'murderous,' "while I'm sure that you believe the accusations you have leveled against Mr. Giles are accurate, I am equally certain that the President would not have directed me to negotiate the sale of the Stargate to someone involved in any way with a group involved with the crimes you're alleging have been committed."

"And on that point, you're be completely and utterly wrong, General!" Kinsey snapped back, switching his enraged gaze away from Giles and back to Hammond, the fury in his face not diminishing the slightest bit.

As everyone present watched, their attention riveted by the man's almost visibly churning emotions, the Senator took a moment to calm himself before continuing his incensed harangue.

"This man," Robert gestured to Giles contemptuously, "and the rest of the bastards he works with, they've been kidnapping teenaged girls and sending them out alone, to fight and die against things that are far, far worse than those Goa'uld creatures your SG teams have been fighting against!" Kinsey informed Hammond in a much calmer, yet obviously still furious, voice. "And they've been doing it for decades, if not longer!"

"The Council succeeded in taking your sister, didn't they, Robert? Not that I was involved in that, but then you always did need a convenient target to lash out against."

Giles' words came in the brief pause as Kinsey was taking a breath, and it seemed to ignite the other man's rage to an even higher level than before. The Senator actually took a step towards Giles, his right hand curling into a fist as though he were about to actually strike the Englishman, before he regained his composure.

"Don't try to play the innocent with *me*, you misbegotten bastard," Kinsey snarled, even as his eyes took in the way the younger people were gathered protectively around their mentor. "I remember Ripper all too well, even if it's been almost forty years since we last met.

"And we both know that, deep down inside where it really matters, people don't change very much, if at all," Kinsey went on with a barely restrained snarl.

"The question that occurs to me is, though," Robert said, as he now focused his complete attention on the Scoobies, the expression of hatred and rage on his face shifting to one of malicious curiosity as he turned to look at the younger members of the group clustered around him, "is what do *they* know about the Ripper? Hmmm?"

"We know enough to know that what Giles did when he was young and stupid – it doesn't mean that he's not be a good man, now," Buffy immediately replied before Giles could respond, her eyes virtually flashing with indignation on Giles' behalf at the insinuations Kinsey was making, her words echoed in various permutations by the other Scoobies.

"Everyone makes mistakes – but not everyone devotes their life to trying to make up for what they've done, Senator," Willow chimed in a moment later.

A calculating expression swept across Kinsey's face upon hearing the universally sympathetic responses and the determined expressions on the Scoobies' faces. Then he nodded, as though quickly coming to some personal conclusion.

"I can see you've picked your entourage well, Ripper," Kinsey said, a semi-sneer on his face as he spoke. "Told them exactly what to say if the situation should arise, I see."

"Hardly. And these days, my colleagues are both mature enough and experienced enough to judge for themselves whether or not to continue their association with me, Robert," Giles said, a tired, but nonetheless sympathetic, expression on his face as he addressed Kinsey.

"And despite our differences and your obvious enmity, since you are now present, I'm willing to invite you to participate in our discussions here regarding the disposition of the Stargate and any possible future interactions which might be involved, since it will hopefully allow you to see that our taking possession of the Stargate would produce the most beneficial results for mankind as a whole," Giles stated, his words an obvious potential peace offering to the clearly hostile Senator.

Kinsey gave Giles a long, clearly evaluating look, ignoring the reactions of everyone else present. Most of whom stared at him with either obvious concern, curiosity or a combination of the two, before the politician abruptly offered a short nod of agreement.

"All right. I'm willing to listen to what you have to say," the Senator finally responded, as he took the seat next to General Hammond, Jack having shifted down their side of the conference table, at Hammond's gesture.

"All of you," Giles then said, turning his head to address the Scoobies, "please sit down, if you would, so that we can resume our discussion. And that includes you, Buffy.

"I'm in no danger, so there's no reason or justification for any further hostilities," the Head Watcher noted. "So, all of you –put your weapons away, if you would.

"We don't want to appear uncouth, now, do we?" Giles asked, the slightest hint of a smile hovering at the corners of his lips as he spoke to his associates.

The General, Kinsey, Jack and the rest of SG-1 all watched with amazement as, after the briefest instant of hesitation, the young adults who were currently holding weapons and who apparently formed the core of Giles' staff, nodded obediently and did as he requested.

With a small twist of her wrist, the petite blonde who'd been introduced as Buffy Summers seemed to push the gladius she currently held into what looked like a very stylish titanium steel watch that she was wearing on her left wrist. The brunette on Giles' other side, Faith Lehane, casually tossed the gladius she'd been holding to Summers, who caught it easily and again made the sword apparently disappear into her bracelet, while Lehane looked over at the Ancient base Commander and griped, "How long before the rest of us get neat toys like B's got there, X? 'Cause I sure as hell don't want to wait 'til it's my birthday for one!"

"I've got Bran working on making enough for all of us to have one to carry, Faith," Jack heard Harris nonchalantly answer the brunette's question/complaint, even as he incredulously watched the seemingly youthful Ancient Base Commander make the Glock semiautomatic in his hand disappear into a black and silver watch he was wearing on his left wrist, in a manner similar to the way Summers had used with the two swords.

Carter, meanwhile, was watching with wide-eyed disbelief as the blond youth, Andrew Wells, apparently folded his own Rube Goldberg-esque device in half, and then in half again several more times, until it was small enough to tuck into the pocket of his pants.

All of the SGC personnel, and Kinsey as well, were shaken from their focus by the seemingly impossible demonstrations they'd just witnessed – when Giles cleared his throat to regain their attention.

"If you'll allow me, General, I'd like to clear up any possible confusion Senator Kinsey's earlier comments might have produced, by providing you and your team some requisite background regarding the Sineya Foundation which most of the rest of the world lacks," the Sineya Foundation CEO said, looking across the table at Hammond. "And while what I'm about to tell you will initially sound unbelievable – in fact, it might, at first, seem to be utter insanity – there is extensive documentation and proof available, which I will gladly provide to you and your staff, which will authenticate everything you are about to hear.

"In addition, Senator Kinsey doubtless possesses a fair amount of knowledge regarding everything I'm about to disclose, and I'm sure he will make point out any inconsistencies or correct any obsolete information which I'm about to refer to," he added.

"Is that acceptable to you, Senator?" Giles asked, shifting his focus to Kinsey and addressing the other man more formally than he had been doing previously.

"For the moment, it is, Mr. Giles," Kinsey replied, also adopting the more formal tone of address.

"Very well, then," Giles nodded, before beginning a spiel exceedingly familiar to the Scoobies. "This world is older than any of you know, and contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons demons walked the Earth…"


"…and so, since the Council's governing board was slaughtered to the last man by the First Evil's minions, we took over the responsibility for supporting the Slayers in their work, defending humanity against those forces which intend to destroy or enslave it," Giles eventually concluded his explanation of both the Chosen crowd and the Watchers Council's existence.

Any specific reference regarding the true nature of Dawn's existence, or particulars concerning Buffy's second death went unsaid, of course, as well as much in the way of details explaining exactly how every Potential Slayer had been activated (and their actual numbers, also). But enough information pertaining to the original Watchers Council had been provided that Kinsey's initial reaction to Giles' presence was now much more readily understandable to everyone present.

It also appeared that the confirmation of both Giles' expulsion from the Watchers Council and the deaths of Quentin Travers and the other members of the Council's governing board had ameliorated to some degree the Senator's emotions as far as the Englishman was concerned.

At least to the extent that the two could occupy the same room without anyone having to worry about the possibility of murder being attempted, that is.

"That was a... a very interesting briefing, I must say," Hammond said with the ultimate poker face, during a brief pause in the discussion. He was somewhat concerned, given all that he had just heard, over how the Council-slash-Foundation and the SGC would be collaborating together in the future. Then George turned to Kinsey and said, "So, since it appears that you seem to know so much more about this supernatural side of events than most people typically possess, Senator, would I be in error to suggest that your eagerness to acquire off-world technology suitable for weapons development might have something to do with their possible implementation against these various threats Dr. Giles and his people have described to us?"

"That's not an entirely unreasonable supposition, General," Kinsey replied. "The fact that any possible technology we can acquire would improve the general condition of the world, and could help neutralize the threat of forces such as Mr. Giles has just described, isn't something to be ignored." (Which, apparently, was as close to a straight answer as a politician was capable of.)

"And the fact that the companies which would offer such technology to the rest of the planet end up making obscene profit margins is merely coincidental, huh, Senator?" Jack asked, giving the politician a dubious look.

"Money makes the world go around, Colonel," Kinsey replied coolly, as he gave O'Neill a similar look. "Most people who deny that they're looking to either make money or gain some alternate sort of power, so that they can better their own position, or that of the people they care for, is either lying to you or deluded."

Seeing the sharp-eyed glances that his remark gained him from the Sineya Foundation personnel, Kinsey shifted in his chair so that he could better address them.

"And before you condemn me for what I just said, please note that I specifically said 'most people'," the greying senator pointed out.

"While the two of you may have been gifted with the Slayer powers and have done nothing to personally benefit from it, Miss Summers, Miss Lehane," Kinsey spoke directly to the two Slayers present, "I know for a fact that Quentin Travers and the rest of his coterie took every opportunity, from having control over whichever of your predecessors were unfortunate enough to Called, to milk as much as they could in the way of concessions and personal privileges with virtually every government in existence.

"The fact that they could, and often did, choose to withhold sending a Slayer to any country which refused to comply with their demands – well, let's just say it gave them a great deal more power than anyone would normally expect an organization like that would be able to wield," the Senator said.

Seeing the shocked expressions on the Scoobies' faces at his statement, Kinsey smirked as he followed up his previous comment.

"Tell me – have you noticed that virtually every upper-level government official you've dealt with in the course of the past eight months have gone out of their way to be as agreeable and helpful as possible to all of your envoys, haven't you?" Kinsey asked.

"And none of them have given any of your people any real arguments or hassles, when you asked them for anything, correct?" Robert added, although it was obvious from the various reflective expressions on the Foundation members' faces what the answers to his questions were.

"That is... true enough. We believed, however, that those people were simply eager for us to deal with whichever problem had caught our attention," Giles replied with a hint of a frown as he took a moment and reconsidered the reactions of the various governmental officials they'd spoken to and dealt with over the course of the past several months.

"Well, you're undoubtedly at least partially correct about that aspect of the situation, Mr. Giles," Kinsey agreed with the Head Watcher's comment.

"But I'm also certain that, had you demanded anything additional which was, in any way, within their power to obtain… well. You would have received the same assurances as to your receiving whatever was requested, no matter how outrageous your request might have been," he added with an angry expression which wouldn't have seemed out of place on either Anyanka or Halifrek, when they'd shifted out of their human guises.

"I see. Then this is definitely something we need to investigate in much greater detail, Senator," Giles declared after another moment's consideration.

"Would it possible for your staff to meet with some of our people, and provide them with information regarding any specific occurrences you have knowledge of?" he asked. "Based on what you've described here, and my own familiarity with Quentin Travers' personality and tactics, I am certain that there are most likely a number of events which have occurred in the course of the past several decades, which will most certainly require some form of restitution or compensation to the people involved."

"Yes, I can arrange for something like that," Kinsey nodded his agreement with Giles request. "If you can provided me with a phone number, I'll direct my chief of staff to handle this matter personally."

It was clear to everyone present that the politician's demeanor had mellowed more than just a tiny bit over the course of his and Giles' discussion, although O'Neill was taking everything in with the same degree of skepticism that he held regarding pretty much everything involved with the current situation.

"What is this?" he murmured quietly, and quiet sarcastically, to Carter. "Some 'Made for TV' movie that Oprah produced? If those two get up and hug each, I'm gonna barf all over the table!"

"SIR!" Carter hissed in a scandalized tone while giving her C.O. a disapproving frown, even as she noticed that Harris, the elder Summers sister and the Lehane girl were all smirking as they looked at Jack – almost as though they'd heard his barely audible comment.

"All we need now to make this your stereotypical Lifetime™ movie is for some sort of alien menace to attack before the end of the second act," Jack wisecracked, smirking at Crater's reaction and clearly yanking on her proverbial chain.

"SIR!!!" the blonde USAF Captain hissed again, as she glanced over at General Hammond, as though she were checking to see if he was watching O'Neill's antics.

A moment later, as though some malicious deity had taken a personal affront to O'Neill's irreverent comments, the SGC klaxon began sounding throughout the base, punctuated by a sound similar to a large piece of cloth tearing, and an amplified voice abruptly began announcing, "INTRUDER ALERT! UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL IN THE GATE ROOM! ALL UNITS RESPO –"

The announcement was broken off in mid-word and the alarm in mid-ring, and General Hammond and the SG-1 team all rushed across the conference room to the set of drapes on the far wall, pulling them apart to reveal a view down into a large two-story room filled with esoteric-appearing equipment and a large metal ring with a large mesh ramp leading up to it.

The room was also quickly filling with various units of armed soldiers, who were all aiming their weapons at a small group of people who'd evidently appeared in the center of the room without any prior warning.

"Oh, hell!" O'Neill announced as he looked down at the group below, his voice clearly a mix of resignation, dislike and repugnance. "It's Anise."

Carter succinctly summed up the situation as she gave Jack a look that clearly announced to one and all her opinion – that her team leader really was a complete dumbass.

"You just had to go and taunt Murphy, didn't you, sir?!"


The End

You have reached the end of "Don't Taunt Murphy Like That, Jack!". This story is complete.

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