Disclaimer: I don't own the Buffy characters and I don't own the DC characters. This story is based off of Greywizard's This Switch Won't Turn Off! challenge. I altered things slightly from the base challenge because it was more amusing to me. This is more or less a crack fic and should be read for amusement only.
Faith the less said about her last name the better was not happy, even with a glass of something better not looked at too closely, it was one of those cosmic screw ups that life seemed to like to toss at her. Sure technically it was her fault but it wasn’t like she planned on getting anyone killed, she just wanted a chance to screw with Buffy a bit to get her back for stabbing her. The plan had seemed simple enough to start with, get over to Buffy’s house, use the Draconian Katra device to swap with Buffy’s mother then knock Joyce out and use Joyce’s body to swap with Buffy then she could escape and get her own body back and leave Buffy trapped in her mother’s body after damaging Buffy’s reputation.
It had all started earlier that night like most bad decisions with a bottle of Jack and a plan. Of course that plan had fallen through with the blinding headache once she had stolen Joyce’s body. Actually had it started right after she had knocked out Joyce in her old body otherwise she would have just switched back once the blinding headache from hell started. Being found unconscious in the Summers home was just asking for another knife in the gut. Luckily the doorbell rang as she was trying to figure out what to do about the blood dripping out of her nose like a leaky faucet. She staggered toward the door, she couldn’t feel the left side of her body which was extremely disconcerting but she managed to fumble the door open while still holding the Draconian Katra device in her right hand. Her head was pounding and she felt like crap. “What do you want?” She looked over the man standing in the door in a suit holding a bible, it was just about ready to start some spiel when she decided that any body, even a door to door religious nut, was better than a body that was falling apart. She reached out and used the device on the startled young man.
Faith sighed as she watched Joyce’s body die. “This is so not going according to plan.”
“Hey! Get away from her!” Xander shouted at the man he saw attacking Joyce.
Faith grabbed the Draconian Katra device and made a run for it before Xander could actually figure out what was going on. She was sure that Xander would beat her to death if he realized what had actually just happened. She wasn’t even five blocks away before she was breathing hard and decided that she really needed to find a better body because this one was badly out of shape not to mention it had bits where she shouldn‘t and none where she should. She looked around then ditched the bible and her tie in a trash bin along the way to Willy’s bar. She pulled out the contents of the young man‘s pocket which happened to be a wallet and an inhaler. “That explains the lack of running ability.” She put the inhaler back in her pocket and started going through the wallet. “Alex Morgan, could be worse.” She wanted to laugh as she found the man‘s pen number written in the wallet, “Maybe my luck is changing.” She smiled as she headed toward the nearest ATM and punched in the pin number after sticking the card in the slot. She hit the button to show the man’s balance and sighed when it said 431 dollars. “Still more than I had.” She withdrew four hundred and thirty dollars from the account then slipped the card back in her wallet and the wallet back in her pocket. “Sorry Alex but I’m going to need this.”
She continued walking toward Willy’s trying to figure out what she was going to do next. The council would find her body at some point which meant that she was going to need to find a body she could live with because she sure as hell wasn’t going to stay in this loaner much longer. She stopped at a large stone bench and after looking around to make sure no one was around lifted the bench up slightly with one hand. “Still have my strength. I guess asthma trumps slayer toughness.” She smiled slightly when she saw the convenience store next to Willy’s. She smirked as she noticed that the fat guy working the counter was the same greasy asshole that had insulted her, leered at her and offered her twenty bucks if she would show him a good time the last time she was on patrol in this area. She smirked as she walked in and looked around the store. Other than the man behind the counter there wasn’t anyone in the store. She smirked slightly as she grabbed a newspaper and walked over to the register and tossed the paper on the counter.
The greasy man behind the counter sneered, “Big spender.”
Faith grinned as she reached into her pocket and fished a twenty out of her wallet then put her wallet back in her pocket. She handed the man the twenty with one hand while she grabbed the magazine rack with the other.
The clerk snorted as he opened the register to make change.
Faith waited until the man was distracted reaching in for the money then she hit him with the wooden magazine rack on the temple. She ignored the magazines that flew everywhere as the guy collapsed. “Creepy bastard.” She stepped around the counter and emptied the two hundred dollars out of the cash register then ripped the guy’s pockets and fished out his keys and wallet. She fished the hundred and eighty dollars out of his wallet then tossed it on the clerk. She smirked as she headed toward the backroom where she could see the safe, safe’s were great inventions if the person breaking them didn’t have supernatural hearing. She smirked slightly as she entered the office and looked at the fancy looking laptop sitting on the desk. “You’re coming with me but first the safe.” She figured she would call the paramedics on the way out, he was a bastard but he didn’t deserve to get eaten by a demon.
Xander wasn’t sure what to tell Buffy, her mother was probably dead and Faith was playing a weird game pretending to be Joyce, which explained the probably bit, mostly because when Faith had woken up duct taped to the chair she had said some things that he was fairly sure only Joyce knew. It was more than a little creepy. That and she had had screamed bloody murder when she found out that her body was dead. That and the realization that Faith could have just ripped the duct tape off her arms had convinced him that Buffy’s mother might be in Faith’s body which left the question of who had been in Joyce’s body. He was freaking out a bit and hoping that Buffy didn’t remember that he had seen Faith naked at one point because now that Joyce was in Faith’s body it meant that he had seen her mom naked, which wasn’t at all a good thought even if she was a smoking hot girl now. ‘Bad brain.’ He was hoping that Willow and Tara got here soon with a spell to make sure that Faith was actually Joyce. He was really hoping that they found out before Buffy came home and did something horrible.
Faith looked around Willy’s bar and smirked slightly as she looked around at the various demons. Luckily most of them didn’t look like the truly dangerous crowd or if they were they were having more fun watching television and drinking beer than worrying about everyone that came in. She suspected that would change once night fell but until then she was looking forward to hiding out for a while until she found a better body to steal. She smirked slightly as she noticed a six and a half foot tall black haired masked woman in black leathers use some type of magical whip to cut a large demon in half. She then broke a chaos demon in half with a well placed kick that tore the demon in two. One of the demonic magic users tossed a ball of fire at her before the woman cut its head off with her second whip. She noticed the woman wince slightly as the fire hit her arm, she was hoping that meant that she wasn’t completely immune to magic. She was feeling particularly reckless especially considering right about now Buffy was probably getting a description about what she had done and what ‘she’ looked like from Xander.
The woman said, “I’m going to kill every damn one of you Earthlings.”
Faith wasn’t sure that type of person thought the weird demons passed for Earthlings. Still she obviously had power and seemed evil so it wasn’t like her conscience would be overly bothered stealing her body. She walked over and set her new or at least new to her laptop on the pool table then took out her wallet and slipped it into the laptop’s carry case with the rest of the money she had stolen from the safe. She waited a bit until the tall lady looked rather distracted then walked over ducked the woman’s whip lash and stabbed the woman in the leg with the Draconian Katra device. She smiled as she lashed out with her whips and cut off the head of the body she had ridden into the bar then stepped forward and tossed the body at the group of demons after grabbing her Draconian Katra device, “A peace offering.”
The chaos demon snarled out something that was probably translated as ’Why should we not kill you?’
Faith responded by stepping forward and kicking the creature’s head off. “We done?” She turned and slashed her new whip through a demon’s head that had been reaching for her laptop.
The rest of the demons moved back and decided that watching the television was better than fighting.
Faith smirked as she picked her laptop up and walked over to the bar and slapped three twenties down on the bar, “A round for the house.”
Willy gulped, “Of course.” He took the money then quickly started serving drinks.
Faith headed to the bathroom with her stuff to take off her mask and check her face. She was surprised that the face looked human enough. “That’s one worry down and several more to go.” She would need new clothes because even in Sunnydale a six and a half foot girl in a leather bodysuit was noticeable. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do now that she had time to think. Judging by the ease with which she destroyed the demon she was fairly sure that she was a hell of a lot stronger than before. She was going to need to put some distance between herself and her previous body then she was going to have some fun before she figured out a way to clone her old body or at least figure out a way to be more discreet with this one, a glamour or something. She knew there had to be a couple of magic users around that could do that sort of thing. It suddenly occurred to her that dead demons told no tales. She smirked as she put her mask back on and headed out of the bathroom to deal with some demonic witnesses.
Buffy was seeing red, her mother was dead, only Willow, Tara and Giles were telling her that her mother’s essence was stuck inside Faith’s body. The worst thing about everything was that Giles had explained that the device Faith used to swap bodies shouldn’t have caused a problem unless her mother had a preexisting health problem which meant that in some ways she actually owed Faith for this crap. Not that she was going to say it but the thought was weighing on her mind. Giles had called the council and explained the situation somehow, she wasn’t sure what he had said but he had managed to get the council retrieval teams to leave. “Where is she?”
Xander sighed, “We don’t know if Faith is even still alive. The guy with a bible left in a hurry after Joyce collapsed.”
Buffy glared at Xander, “I’ve got to do something, this is driving me crazy.”
Joyce said, “Faith showed up and hit me with something then she punched me and that’s the last thing I remember until waking up duct taped to a chair.” She looked at Xander, “You’re rather good at that.”
Xander muttered, “Practice tying up demons.”
Willow raised an eyebrow, “Right… so now what?”
Buffy asked, “Locator spell?”
Tara hesitantly said, “It might not work or it might just point to Joyce.”
Buffy looked at Giles, “Suggestions?”
Giles sighed, “I’m not sure there is anything you can do, as much as you don’t like it, waiting for the police to call with Joyce’s cause of death might be for the best.”
Buffy rubbed her face, “She could have killed you Mom.”
Joyce sighed, “But she didn’t and other than a tendency to break things I feel fine, better than fine really.”
Xander grinned, “Joyce 2.0 younger and h… healthier. Yeah healthier.”
Buffy snorted, “Stop perving on my mother.”
Willow said, “She’s sort of pretty…” She looked at Tara, “Sorry.”
Tara looked at Joyce, “You’re right.”
Buffy sighed, “I’m going to go patrol maybe I’ll learn something.”
Giles sighed, “Just be careful and don’t forget the passwords if she is out there stealing bodies…”
Buffy gulped, “Maybe staying together is better tonight.”
Joyce looked toward the kitchen, “I’ll make hot chocolate.”
Willy gulped, “Are you going to kill me?”
Faith smirked, “You’re more or less human, I just kill demons.”
Willy gulped nervously, “Are you a slayer?”
“No, I’m a demon hunter, different branch. I’m looking for some information though, if you tell me then I might not kill you.”
Willy forced himself to smile, “I’m looking for a sorcerer or warlock that’s willing to cast for money.”
“I know a couple of them… let me get their contact information.”
Faith smiled as she looked around the carnage of dead demon bits for wallets and other things of interest.
Faith was rather happy with her new plan, she had scrapped her old plan to cause chaos and misery when she had found some mutagenic chemicals on one of the demons. She remembered hearing tales about the superpower inducing chemicals from her days in Boston. It was very likely that the demon had stolen them from some secret lab. Where the creature got the case of chemicals was less important than the fact that he had a van filled with the stuff. She had skipped talking to Rack because she had heard some very negative things about him from the Mayor and went with a short magic using geek. He had been only too happy to supply her with a magical means of copying people so that she could fill the town with super heroes to make the streets safer well that and a dose of the formula she was going to use to enhance people.
Jonathan was rather smart in some ways but damn was he gullible in other ways. Still she was rather happy with the deal as it gave her a magic user in her pocket. He had also given her a trinket to keep her safe from scrying spells after she told him a sob story about an evil warlock looking for her. She was looking forward to spreading some chaos and having fun especially if she could figure out a way to get her old body back with her current upgrades, of course she might need to make sure she ended up with shape shifting powers because of the being wanted bit. She had him working on a way to recombine people as well but for now she figured she was going to pay Buffy’s friends a visit, she smiled as she thought of the chaos having a bunch of super powered heroes would cause. The other thing she had him working on was a way to magically duplicate the formula, he said he was bringing in another friend of his to help with that. It was nice having minions.
Willow screamed as she blast of magical energy blew the window apart and hit her. She missed the canister of knockout gas that Faith tossed in, going unconscious was a relief as it stopped the pain as her body split into two separate Willows.
Faith smirked as she climbed in through the window after waiting a minute for the knockout gas to clear out. She smirked as she moved the two unconscious Willows over to the bed. The original Willow still had clothes while the clone was naked. She placed the original Willow at the head of the bed and the cloned Willow at the foot of the bed. Then she pointed her duplication wand at Willow and hit her again. She smiled as another duplicate of Willow split from the original. “This thing works great.” She smirked as she looked around the room at various chairs and other places to put the extra Willows.
She placed the unconscious clone on the beanbag chair face down then went back to copying Willow until there was hardly any room to walk around. She smirked as she pulled twenty doses of the mutagenic formula out of her pack and started injecting the Willow clones in their behinds. She was fairly sure that they would all get different powers as she had used different types of the mutagenic formula. After she finished stabbing all twenty Willows including the original she walked over to Willow’s desk and pulled out a black marker and wrote on the back of the clone Willow that was closest to the original Willow, “I know it’s a bit early for Christmas Tara but enjoy.”
She smirked as she made her way back out the window heading toward Xander’s place. She had more mutagenic formula to use and more heroes to make.
Helena Wayne looked over at Kara, “I just got a hit off that stolen truck of alien mutagenic formula.”
Kara looked over at where Huntress was tapping away at her computer, “Where?”
Kara blinked, “How did it get there?”
“I’ve no idea.” She brought up an image from a street camera that showed a rather tall costumed woman getting into a delivery truck.
Kara almost growled, “Lashina.”
“Now we know where she ended up.”
“I’ll fly out there and check things out, that stuff could be very dangerous in the wrong hands.”
Helena Wayne nodded, “Thanks, I’ll keep track of things from here.”
Kara grumbled as she headed off to pack for her trip.