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The Payday Bluff

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This story is No. 1 in the series "Payday". You may wish to read the series introduction first.

Summary: Buffy finds out that her mother is ill earlier than in canon and decides to do something about it. Unfortunately she needs money to do it, but she has a cunning plan how to get them. Now Betaed

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Other-ComedyNoirDetectiveFR18716,1190106,97521 Oct 1326 Jan 14Yes

Chapter Two

Now Betaed by CECILE

Buffy wished she could scratch her scalp. The wig was itching like crazy. She stiffened, sighed and strengthened her resolve. ‘This is it, the point of no return.’ She thought and smiled at the guard and waved at him. He waved back. She observed him as he raised the flag and slowly went inside the bank.

Buffy said to no one in particular, under her breath “Time for work.” She crossed the street and entered the bank doors.

Anthony Simons just planted his ass in his chair within the security booth and scanned the monitors. His day was going to be slow. He idly wished that something exciting would happen, but aside from the paycheck transfer for truck drivers and the mayor’s transaction, nothing interesting was in store for the day.

Suddenly the clown who waved at him across the street stood in the doorway of his booth. The clown pulled his horn from a pocket and honked it merrily.

Anthony stood up “Sir, you are in a restricted area. Please leave. People are working here.”

The clown let his balloons loose with a “OOOH BALLLOOONNNSSS!”

Anthony’s eyes involuntarily followed the floating balloons. He froze as he heard a startling metallic click.

He looked back down and his eyes nearly crossed. He realized he was staring down at the end of a gun barrel.

“I’m working here too, pal.” The clown answered coldly. ”Now,” he peered at the guard’s nametag, “Anthony. May I call you Tony?” asked the clown coldly.

Anthony nodded slowly.

“Tony, my dear Tony, let me ask you. What did they teach you to do, in the security academy, when somebody points a gun at you?”

Antony slightly stuttered, “To put my hands above my head and avoid sudden movements.”

“Cool, soo…” said the clown prompting him with the gun. Anthony placed his hands above his head. He felt the clown lean forward, take his service gun and expertly threw it into the wastebasket without looking. The clown backed up and leaned on the console.

Anthony gathered his courage. “This bank has only one exit and nobody ever robbed it before.”

“Really? You don’t say. Tell me Tony, what does this button do?” He suddenly asked pointing to a big red panic button. “Does it call the police?” The clown continued and started to stroke the button. “Would you be happy if I press it? Would you?” The clown cooed, “Soo…let’s try it.” The clown pressed the panic button with a gleeful smile.

The alarm started blaring and the only door to the bank closed with a loud clang.

Everyone inside was confused, looking at what was happening. They saw a very

strange sight coming out from the security booth--a guard with his arms up in the air, followed by a clown holding a gun and yelling, “Everybody be cool, this is a robbery!”

Not a few costumers were unsure on how to react. Some raised their hands startled, realizing what was happening. Some stared, not really comprehending what was happening. Some started laughing. Into this mess came a man clothed in a finely tailored suit “Anthony! What the hell is happening? Why are your arms up? What kind of circus is this?”

“Tony, care to introduce us?” the clown asked sweetly.

“Mister Director, sir, err… meet the robber, Mister Clown.” Anthony stammered gesturing to the clown. “Mister Clown, meet the Director.” The stammering guard finished lamely.

The clown gave a small mocking bow saying, “Enchanted”

The director stared at his guard, at the grinning clown and back again. “The police will be here in a matter of minutes so get lost or you will deeply regret it! Everybody, the excitement is over, get back to work!” He clapped his hands then turned to Anthony and the gaping clown. “Tony put your hands down man, you look ridiculous. I didn’t know you could be tricked so easily by this obviously fake gun.” He shook his head in disbelief and turned on his heel muttering under his breath that he had to call the police off.

People started calming down. Some shook hands, congratulating themselves they survived a prank. Only Tony still had his hands up. Contrary to what his boss said, he recognized when a real gun is pointed at him and knew when someone was serious and willing to use it. He knew all of this from his brief stint in the Army years before. He looked and gave a resigned shrug at the clown who repeatedly opened his mouth, incredulous at the retreating back of the bank director.

The clown nodded sadly, walked several steps away from Tony, took aim and pulled the trigger.


The loud gunshot reverberated across the hall as the gun barked. The glass wall and a potted plant behind a counter exploded. Both were hit by the speeding bullet.

Most people including the director hit the ground. Some curled themselves in corners or behind various furniture for cover.

Now the clown was slowly walking through the hall between the cowering hostages. He loudly asked, “Now, I will ask you a question. What is round as a balloon and explodes when hit by a bullet?”

Nobody dared move or answer.

“Nobody?” The clown asked loudly again. “A human head!” He exclaimed gleefully. “Did you ever see how a head explodes, mister director?” the clown coldly asked glaring at the bank director who only managed to shake his head.

“No? Shall I demonstrate?” The clown pulled the nearest hostage roughly by her hair and put the gun against her head.

The young brunette girl started crying and begging for her life.

“Please be calm and don’t hurt anybody!” the director begged from his position. “We’ll do whatever you want.”

“You’ll whatever I want. Eeyaa!” the clown slowly said with large toothy smile and suddenly smoke started to come from his ears. “I want you all to gather at the center of the hall.” He exclaimed merrily, still holding his gun against the girl’s temple.

“That includes you too fatso! Behind the counter! You wouldn’t want to let this young girl die, do you?” the clown said. A lot of people were surprised to see a rotund clerk climbed from behind a counter at the clown’s back. Some realized the masked man really knew what he was doing.

“Please sir, I have three children” the clerk begged.

The clown just shrugged and said “And this woman certainly has a family who cares about her too so move your ass!”

When everybody stood at the center of the hall, the clown released the girl and said merrily, “Now, everyone hold hands and start dancing in a slow circle. To make things a little bit happier, let’s sing a song! You. Pick a song.” He pointed to an elderly man.

“Ehmm Ho, for California?” the man said in a timid voice.

The clown nodded in agreement and with his gun in his hand he gave the rhythm as if he was a musical director.

We've formed our band, and we're all well manned…

The people started to slowly move in a huge circle with the clown standing on one side. Staring at his handiwork for a few moments, he started to circle the bank’s hall.

Meanwhile at the Sunnydale Police central station

Sergeant Costelo was on duty when an alarm sounded from the First National Bank. He quickly switched his monitor to show the security feed and stared. He picked up the phone and dialed. “Detective Stein? Could you come down here? There is something you should see.”

Detective Stein had just arrived at the police station and was making himself a cup of coffee when the Sergeant-on-Duty called him down to the central control room. As he walked sipping coffee, he idly noticed the red light of FNBoC on the Sunnydale map, indicating that an alarm was sounded in the bank. The man watching the camera feeds shouted at Stein.

“Sir, you have to see this!”

Stein moved to see and his jaw nearly hit the table, “Sarge, is that a clown?”

“Yes sir.”

“Well, that’s a new one. Chief Munroe is going to have kittens.” Stein mumbled “Okay people, you know the drill! Send all available units to the First National. Call in SWAT teams on the double and secure the perimeter. Get all information about the bank that we have here. Somebody, get me Chief Munroe on the line, NOW!” He yelled and stared as utter chaos broke in the station. Everybody hurried to do his bidding.

Police cars and all available patrolman headed to the First National Bank.

Stein silently watched the screen as the clown gathered his hostages in a circle, his coffee long forgotten in his hand. Scanning the paper that a passing cop gave him containing the relevant information about the bank, his eyes widened slightly. He read the sum the bank received this morning. He silently whistled. The sergeant next to him pulled his sleeve and handed him the phone wordlessly.

“What is it Stein?” Monroe grumpily said from the other line.

“We have 211A in First National in progress, Sir”

“A what?”

Stein rolled his eyes. How Munroe got his job as the chief was a mystery to him! “Armed robbery in the First National Bank in progress, Sir”

“I heard that Stein! I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” and Munroe hang up.

“Yeah, sure you will,” said Stein, disgusted. He was interrupted from his thoughts by the sergeant watching the camera feeds as the latter loudly exclaimed, “Hey look at that!” and gestured to the monitor. The clown was looking directly into the Camera, waving at it before shooting.

“Clever. He blinded us,” muttered Stein. “Okay Costelo, give me a headcount from what we can see in the records. Get me a photo of the clown. Fax it to my car, ” ordered Stein as he watched the clown systematically destroy all three cameras inside the bank. He shook his head and headed out to his car.

Stein silently sighed. He was far from being a model cop, he knew that. If he was, he wouldn’t be here in merry Sunnyhell on the first place. Once upon a time or precisely two years ago, he beat up a child rapist suspect into a bloody pulp. He was given a choice-- either resign from the LAPD homicide or be charged with manslaughter. He naturally resigned and the only place where he could find employment as a cop with his record, was here in Sunnydale.

And now clowns are robbing banks! My life really sucks.’ He thought as he started his car and left the police station.

Back at the First National Bank

Okay stage one of the plan is complete. Let’s move to stage two. The cops should be arriving here right about now. They’re probably setting up the perimeter,’ Buffy thought to herself. In her clown voice, she said “Okay, we sang and danced. Now down to the vault we go. Director, after you Allons-y!” She exclaimed gleefully and herded her hostages down to the vault.

Once in front of the bank vault, the clown smiled at the director and asked, “Now good sir, will you be so kind as to open the vault for me?”

The director defiantly said, “No, I won’t do that! You would have to kill me.”

The clown just smiled. This greatly unnerved the hostages.

Buffy really expected the director to pull a trick like this sooner rather than later and she had the perfect counter for it. “Well, I might just chop your hand off!” She mused out loud, “Not that I might not do that, but it’s quite messy, let me tell you. All that blood and gore all over the place. Hmm, no, I have a better idea! Tell me dear children, what do you get if you mix nitrate toluene with an amount of sulfuric and nitric acids and then nitrate the whole thing several times?? The…?”

Some of the hostages started trembling.

“The T…The T. N. T. Of course! A whole bunch of it!” She tore her vest revealing cartridges of TNT strapped to her fake belly. She pulled a fuse and lighted it with a zippo. She started running a circle around the hostages scaring them, before perching on a table. “In thirty seconds, we would all go in a BIIIGGG BADA BOOOMMM!” She exclaimed merrily.

“Okay, okay! I‘ll open the safe!” yelled the now pasty-white director, pressing a palm onto the vault’s palm reader. The heavy vault door slowly opened. He pulled a key and unlocked the grills behind the vault door, leaving the key in the lock.

Buffy extinguished the lighted fuse by water in the nearby flowerpot and ran to the vault door yelling: “It’s mine! Mine, all mine now! ” Whooping and cackling, she spun towards her hostages.

“Okay people, all of you into the vault and let’s move the cash. You should create a chain. I want you to place all the money on that trolley.” She indicated to a metal trolley standing innocently in a corner of the vault.

The hostages lead by Tony started to pile the money onto the trolley. Once full, Tony took it upon himself to push the trolley out of the vault.

The clown standing by the door on guard, let him pass by and herded him back inside the vault. He was about to close and lock the grills on the hostages when Tony noticed a heavily pregnant woman, probably in her seventh or later month of pregnancy, leaning against the wall. She looked pale. Tony gathered his courage again and spoke.

“Sir, we have a pregnant woman who doesn’t look good. She needs some air. You can’t just trap her here with us!”


“What?” said a baffled Tony.

“You heard me,” said the clown irritably. “Get the woman out here. I’ll take her up to the hall for some air. I may be a criminal, but it doesn’t make me mean and cruel just because I can.”

The woman slowly walked out and the clown locked the grills. She was lead to the lift, followed by the trolley of cash and the clown behind. Once the lift doors closed, the woman sighed and said, “You know Buff, you really scared me up there. Even though I knew what were you planning to do, I never expected you would put so much drama into it.”

Buffy laughed, “I know! I even surprised myself. But you were quite natural Tara.”

The elevator dinged, announcing they had arrived in the main hall. “Great! We’ll move the money and deal with Sunnydale’s finest.” she grinned.
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