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Curse of the Buffy

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This story is No. 23 in the series "The Child of Balime". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Buffy gives Gwen advice about her wedding. Gwen isn't pleased.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Dr. Who/Torchwood > Buffy-CenteredShoshiFR71698069946 Nov 136 Nov 13Yes
Author's Note: I own rights to no copyrighted material. All characters from Torchwood and Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of their rightful owners.

Very short story, here. But funny. (It's been a while since I've done a straight-forwards crossover-fic like this one.)

Speaking of weddings, I'm off to one myself pretty soon. My cousin's getting married, and I'll be heading down to Arizona for the wedding. Then I'll be going to LA for a memorial service. So first I get to be very happy, then I get to be very sad.

The end result of which is that updating will be sporadic for a little while in the near future.

Bear with me, please.

We'll get three really short, cute little stories after this. "Good Aliens or Bad Aliens", which is a funny Seo story. "Because It's Evil and It Wants to Kill You" (reread "Role Model" to know what this one's about), and "Keeping Score", which is a sweet story featuring the 11th Doctor.

Look forwards to all of those!

Hopefully, I'll have a chance to post them, soon.


"…turned the bridal bouquet into this kind of flaming bomb thing," Buffy explained, helping Gwen seal wedding invitation envelopes, at Torchwood, "and then Trevor — he was the best man — jerked around and fired a webley revolver at—"

"I'm not sure I want to hear any more about these other weddings you've attended," Gwen muttered.

Buffy shrugged. "Hey. UNIT weddings. Makes sense there'd be aliens showing up."

Gwen slapped a stamp onto a wedding invitation, a little irritated. "Yes, well, my wedding's not going to be like that," she insisted. "My wedding's going to be normal. Rhys deserves it."

Buffy wanted to retort that Alison deserved to have a normal first day at work, and not wind up stuck in the 1970's for an entire month.

But bit her tongue, before she could.

This wasn't the time or place to lecture. Buffy had done enough of that, before.

(At least Alison was back home and safe, now.)

"I'm sure your wedding will be perfect," said Buffy. Reaching for another envelope, and licking it sealed. "And totally normal. I mean, you're taking a ton of precautions already."

"Every precaution I can think of," Gwen agreed. "I'm not letting my work interfere with my personal life."

Buffy grinned. "Good for you!" she said. "Ria said that. Right before her wedding. Except, I mean, her wedding couldn't be, because the demons thought she was weak, and were trying to assassinate her." She laughed, beneath her breath. "So Ria wound up tricking everybody and turning her wedding into the battle that ended the Demon Civil War. Came out, drenched in alien blood, kissed her fiancé, then ran off and got married for real. Pretty cool plan, actually."

Gwen gritted her teeth.

Buffy noticed. "But that's not going to happen to you, of course!" she said. "Your wedding is going to be completely normal."

"Yes, it will," said Gwen.

"Just remember to tell Rhys that if an old guy comes over to him, claiming to be his future-self time traveling into his own past in order to stop the wedding," Buffy continued, "then Rhys should definitely ignore him, because I've totally seen that one before. With Xander and Anya, at their wedding. Turns out, it's actually a just demon who's pretending to—"

Gwen slammed down the box of wedding envelopes on the table.

"Is there any wedding you've ever gone to that didn't wind up being overrun by evil monsters and aliens, by the end?!" Gwen cried.

Buffy thought about this.

A very long time.

An extremely long time.

"Um… actually… I can't think of any," Buffy realized. She frowned, cringed. "That's weird, isn't it?"

Gwen didn't answer. Her eyes hard.

"I guess there are just monsters everywhere I go," Buffy admitted. "It's not my fault or anything! I mean, I don't bring them. They're just… always… there."

"I know," Gwen muttered.

"No, seriously!" Buffy insisted. "It's like… Curse of the Buffy, or something." She looked down at the table. "Everyone knows it. If you invite me to whatever you're planning, it's inevitable. You're gonna get mega monsters. Period."

"Even weddings?" Gwen checked.

"Oh, yeah, definitely…!" Buffy started. Then froze. "Oh. Um…"

And that was how Buffy got herself uninvited from Gwen's wedding.

The End

You have reached the end of "Curse of the Buffy". This story is complete.

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