Two Blondes and a Redhead: Lost
Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine, but belong to their respective owners.
Two blondes and a redhead were making their way through a forest. Overhead, the sun was largely gone; nothing was left of it but some red light in the sky.
, the best Vampire Slayer with a diploma, had been forced to scour a swamp clean of toads!” one of the blondes was busy grumbling. “While everyone else was-“
“Yes, while everyone else was listening to Andrew share his tale of how he aided James Bond on Jamaica and helped him save the world,” agreed the redhead, whose name was Willow Rosenberg. “By introducing him to the sorceress who actually did cast the spell, but still...” she paused. “I got to admit that it was a very powerful spell, one of the world-saving calibers indeed.”
“Yes, well, I’ve seen Giles’ face when Andrew presented him with the bill,” the first blonde – Buffy Summers – was not backing down from the argument either. “Apparently the expense of goats was more than what Andrew assumed was acceptable. The WWF isn’t too happy either – and how did Andrew manage to piss off the World Wrestling Federation I have no idea.”
“In this particular case, Buffy, WWF stands for the World Wildlife Fund, and from the peek I was able to sneak, cicadas were involved,” the last woman, the second blonde, whose name was Emma Frost, spoke up. “Also, I’m thinking that Andrew’s attention was focused on fair Carmelita a bit too much. Willow?”
“What, what?” Willow responded in a slightly defensive way. “It’s great that Andrew and a girl are interested in each other and all, and I’m happy for them both, really! It’s just that, you know, both Xander and Faith were giving her funny looks when we were leaving, and of all of us, they’re the best at detecting non-humans.”
“So?” Buffy replied, perhaps in a slightly mean way. “It’s Andrew
. Who’s to say that Carmelita isn’t right for him, human or not.”
“Buffy!” Willow protested before almost running into Emma’s back – the woods around them were darkening fast. “That’s mean. Also true – I mean, she is not a vampire and she probably is not a werewolf... Emma? Not that we’re not grateful for you tagging along to help us deal with that toad king, but why have you stopped?”
“Because we’re lost, or at least I’m lost,” Emma admitted. “You sure that those toads haven’t cursed us after all?”
At this moment some back-story was in order. Several days ago Andrew returned from a Council mission to Jamaica, where he had somehow aided James Bond with stopping a crazy cult that tried to turn all life on Earth to stone; regular business for Buffy and/or the Scoobies, and the fact that Andrew came home with a girl of his own did not make much of a difference.
The fact that he was eager to tell that story to everyone at once did – well, sort of. Buffy may’ve warmed up to Andrew slightly after all this time, but to listen to him speak was too much for her liking, so when Willow told her of a toad king taking over a nearby swampy forest she immediately took it upon herself to carry out the mission (with Willow’s help).
The only unexpected variable proved to be Emma Frost, who after listening in to Buffy and Willow’s latest plot (i.e. to go after the toad king) came along, wearing sensible outdoor clothing
for once. That alone was a shock-worthy event...though Emma blamed it on Spiral:
“If Ms. Six-Arms-At-Once came walk around looking like some sort of a beatnik hippy, then I can work in something different for a change too,” the other blonde said firmly. “Besides, I owe Willow after having suckered her into turning me into an elephant, remember?”
Both Buffy and Willow did remember – turning Emma back (in theory she should have been a bird, but that did not happen) took a lot of effort on Willow and Giles’ part, and no one had been happy, especially Wolverine, who initially caused that situation. Jean Grey, though, was a close second, seeing how bird-themed powers and abilities were her thing as the Phoenix, so though Emma went for nonchalance as it benefitted the White Queen, she preferred to avoid the redhead all the same – well, the other redhead, seeing how Willow was Jean’s cousin (that was how the whole Mutant School/Watchers’ Council interaction had started).
“Yes, we remember,” Buffy nodded, remembering the abovementioned information. “I must admit you did come through to us here in the end. That trick of utilizing your diamond skin to focus solar rays was really something... But why have we stopped?”
“As I said before – I’m lost,” Emma shrugged, “so which way we’re to go?”
There was a pause as Buffy and Willow exchanged startled looks. “What do you mean, you’re lost?” Buffy asked incredulously. “We’re walking back to the Institute-“
“Well yes, but I have no idea where it is,” Emma shrugged easily. “I’ve been following you all this time, remember? You were in the lead the whole time!”
“Well yes,” Buffy echoed, “but in case you have forgotten, we have almost gotten lost on our way there to begin with! Why would you think that the way back would be any different?”
There was a pause as Emma and Buffy just stared at each other, and Willow face-palmed herself. Hard.
“This is what I get for hanging around a pair of blondes,” she said bitterly. “Next time, I’m getting Faith. Or Xander. Or anyone, actually, just so that I would not have to be the smart one all the time.”
“Yes, well, you have to be the smart one this time, because we are lost,” Emma said grouchily. “You see anything with your Vampire Slayer vision, Buffy?”
“We’ve got fir trees to the left, an oak tree to the right, a copse of hazel before us, and a pine tree right behind us,” Buffy shot back. “How is this going to help us, I wonder?”
“Well, don’t look at me – ask Willow, she’s the self-designated smart one here!” Emma glared at the shorter blonde. “Willow? What do you think?”
Willow’s face twitched as something very atypical for her was bubbling up to the surface. Before she could reply, though, something interrupted her – an owl’s hoot. It was so loud and so sudden (by now, sunlight has completely vanished and the forest became completely silent as night had fallen) that Willow accidentally lost her footing and fell backwards into the undergrowth. Emma and Buffy rushed to untangle her. As they did, the owl began to speak:TBC