Parker doesn't understand why she feels such freedom as she leaps into nothingness everytime she rapels. She doesn't understand the sense of relief from burden and pain that overwhelms her as she falls through space. She doesn't scream in joy from the adrenaline rush, not just the rush at any rate. Much more, it is that every time she jumps she feels so much joy that if she doesn't scream it out she would be forced to do something even more drastic to release the euphoria.
She doesn't understand her fascination with Elliot and his fighting, she's certainly never felt a desire to be a Hitter. She only knows that occasionally she can be watching him and her body will long to jump into the fight, even knowing he would surely destroy her. She is weak, a thief, not a fighter and yet...
She doesn't understand how she can watch Nate and listen to his plan fold out with so much attention. Never before had she felt the need to plan things so much, but when he did... she couldn't help but think it should be her. Which was, of course, completely ridiculous. She wasn't a mastermind, a leader, a thinker. She was a thief, and even in her own head she was a fairly unbalanced one. Still, the thought continued popping up in her mind as she continued working with her team that it should be her up there, leading them. Yet, the same mysterious feeling that said this, was also ever so glad it was not
her the team relied on.
Her immediate attachment to Hardison -why else would she have pushed him off the building if not in an attempt to share her euphoria with him?- was equally perplexing. She didn't form attachments, yet this hacker was instantly in a group of people she wanted
to understand her, and how she worked. She wanted him to be her best friend. If only she could rid herself of the bizzare thought that he'd look great with red hair.
She couldn't explain why she looked into the mirror and did a double-take every single time because her eyes should be green, emeralds even, despite that they had always been the same sky blue.
Parker couldn't explain a lot
of things about herself, but she'd long since decided it didn't matter why she felt euphoria when she jumped off a building, or why she felt she should correct Elliot on a flaw in his forms, or why she should be the mastermind instead of Nate, why Hardison was instantly in a group of people she could never betray -numbering exactly one... at first- or why her eyes were blue when they should be the brightest green.
A/N: This is what happens when I get bored while reading Buffy fanfic, with Leverage on my brain. Buffy reincarnated as Parker with only the weirdest and most unexplainable feelings and gut-instincts as remnants of a life long over.