Ten Times Out of Nine
I've read a lot of woke up in Vegas stories, so I'll try my hand, anyway, extra candy to anyone that figures out the title. I don't own these characters. Let me know if you like it.
Waking up with a not so happy throb in her head, but a very good dream about Angel, Buffy snuggled into the vampires side. Hangover or not, at least he was warm and soft and his heartbeat was familiar and…HEARTBEAT! She sat up too fast and tumbled out of the bed disrupting the man and pulling the sheet down with her. “Shit.” She was tangled in the sheet and fell over twice before she was able to stand up brandishing her stiletto as if it was a stake, which, she knew in the back of her mind he wasn’t a vampire, but she was sure in her panic she could do something painful with it.
The man, not at all bad looking, was simultaneously reaching for his glasses and covering his middle with a pillow. “Who are you?” He asked.
“Do you honestly expect me to believe you don’t know who I am? Who are you?” She demanded.
“Daniel Jackson, where are we?” He asked looking around for his clothes and standing up.
“Stop! Don’t move another inch!” She said.
“Can’t I put on my clothes?”
“No, you might have weapons, and, and, a phone or something, no clothes until you tell me who you are and what’s going on.”
“Uh, I told you who I am, and I have no idea what’s going on.”
“That’s what they all say, just before they demand you become their singing demon bride, or try to sell you to the highest wizard bidder, or send you into a hell dimension where everyone is naked, or use some alien weapon to probe stuff.” Buffy trailed off looking at her wrist. “What the hell is that?!!”
Groaning Daniel slowly looked at his wrist. “That is the practical joke of psychopath.”
Buffy was yanking on it with all her slayer strength but it wouldn’t break. “Don’t bother, we need a key.” Daniel said.
“It’s mystical?” She asked.
“Uh, yeah, sure.” Adding the ‘you betcha’ in his head. Really, he spent way too much time with Jack.
“Willow!” Buffy screamed at the top of her lungs. “Get in here now!” Daniel cowered and rubbed his head as she continued to scream. “Willllloooooooowwwwww!”
“Do you honestly think she will hear you through the walls?”
Suddenly the door banged open and a red haired woman flew, literally, into the room. “Frantically searching for the threat, she laid eyes on Daniel and telekinetically pulling him out of the bed flung him against the wall and held him there with some kind of force field. “What did he do?” She demanded. “Did he, you know, did he hurt you? Because what I did to Warren will look like a kindness if he hurt you.” Willow seethed, hair turning black.
“No calm down, or I don’t think so. I can’t remember anything from last night, but I have this tacky bracelet and so does he and I can’t break it off. He says it’s mystical.”
“Who are you?” Willow demanded of the naked man pinned to the wall.
“I’m Dr Daniel Jackson. Can you please let me down?”
Recognition flashed across the redhead’s eyes. “Like the stargate and aliens and linguist and archaeologist Dr Jackson?”
“How do you know about the SGC?” He asked suspiciously.
“Uh, that’s, uh classified.” Willow stuttered and turned to Buffy. “It’s probably not mystical, I’m not getting any magic vibes off it, but there is a strange energy around it, and it connects to Dr Jackson’s bracelet.”
“Classified? Who the hell are you people? Do you work for the NID?” Daniel asked. “And get me down from here!”
Willow waved her hand and he was slowly lowered to the ground. “Uh, Will, can you get it off me now, please?” Buffy asked still frantically pulling at it. “It’s making me feel wiggy.”
“I’ll try, but I’m not familiar with the kind of energy it’s giving off.” Lifting Buffy’s left hand to examine the bracelet Willow started laughing.
“What’s funny?” Buffy asked.
“Well you’ve got a new ring on your finger.” Pulling the still naked Daniel across the room with some kind of psychokinetic ability she examined his left hand. “He does too.” She laughed again. “How drunk were you Buffy?”
“Buffy?” Daniel asked, “As in Buffy Summers? And stop doing that!” He pointed at Willow.
Buffy turned to him angry again. “Why is there a ring on my finger, and how do you know my name?” She asked.
“Buff, I don’t think you have to worry about that. He’s one of Giles’ friends.” Willow said.
“Giles has friends? And when are Giles’ friends ever of the good?” Buffy asked a little distracted by the revelation. “Never mind, get this off me.”
Willow hovered a hand over Buffy’s and Daniel’s bracelets and concentrated. Daniel looked at them both with interest. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but whatever the woman was doing it was powerful. The bracelet’s actually moved and she began chanting in first Latin, and then was that Sumerian?
Breathing heavily, Willow staggered. “I’m sorry Buff, but I can’t get it off. It requires a key.”
“That’s what I said. What did you just do?” Daniel asked curiously.
“You explain it to him, I need a shower. Will I melt if I get this thing wet?” Buffy asked Daniel.
“Melt? Uh, no, but we can only be about a hundred feet away from each other, or we’ll start to get sick so….” He let it hang there, but the message was sent.
“Great, fantastic. Willow, we need to go into research mode, and figure out how to get this off. Where’s Dawn? Hasn’t she been researching Egyptian artefacts? These are hieroglyphics right? She should know about this right?”
“Well actually Buffy, Dawn is gone.”
“She took off with Vala, opened a portal and took her to the dimension that, and I quote, “has only hot guys.”
“Vala’s in another dimension? But she has the key!” Daniel shouted.
Suddenly finding himself slammed into the wall by a much too small Buffy. She wrapped her fingers around his neck and banged his head against the wall. Daniel began to wheeze and pull on her iron grip. “What do you know of the key?”
Taking a ragged breath, he tried to mouth “it’s the only way to get the bracelets off.” His face was turning bright red, and he was attempting to take in breath when realization dawned on Buffy.
“You mean the key to these bracelets?” She asked.
“Buff, I think you should let him down, and for the love of the Goddess put some clothes on, both of you.” Willow was blushing and Buffy suddenly realized the sheet was gone, and Daniel was still naked.
Buffy eased up her grip on Daniel’s neck. “That is some grip you’ve got.” He coughed again and looked at the two women again curiously. “What are you two?”
“Angry, stinky, grumpy, sleepy, you want me to go on here? There’s what? At least three more dwarves?”
“You’re a dwarf?” He asked perplexed.
Throwing her hands in the air Buffy turned around and marched into the bathroom cracking the door as she slammed it shut. “Yeah, Buffy doesn’t like the ‘what are you’ questions kay? She’s a little sensitive about it and if you’re her husband, I think you should probably not bring that up again.”
“Husband?” He looked down at his hand, “Oh, that’s bad, Jack is going to hold this over my head for years!”
Frowning, Willow asked, “Did you miss the part where I brought that up before?”
“I don’t know, maybe it’s being thrown into a wall and strangled that rattled my brain.”
“Sorry about that, but you can never be too careful with naked men when your best friend is screaming bloody murder.”
He rubbed his neck, “So really, what is she and what are you?”
“That’s classified.” Willow said wondering if she should call Giles. “And put some clothes on!” She blushed again and turned around.
Pulling on his pants and digging around for his shirt Daniel said, “Well I wanted to, but Buffy wouldn’t let me.”
“What do you mean?”
“She thought I might have a weapon or something.” Daniel said pulling out his phone when it started ringing. He winced. “He can’t know already.”
Sighing in resignation he pushed the button on his mobile. “Daniel Jackson. Jack. Now’s really not a good time.”
“It’s funny you should mention that, because I was woken out of a very nice dream by a phone call from the president this morning.” Jack said obviously restraining his anger.
“What’s going on?” Daniel asked, going into serious Stargate problem mode.
“That’s exactly what the president wanted to know. You didn’t by chance marry Buffy Summers last night did you?”
“Well, uh, I’m not entirely sure, uh. The thing is I can’t remember much of last night Jack, and uh you see.”
“Let me clear it up for you then. At midnight last night, with Teal’c, Vala, and Dawn Summers as your only witnesses, you married Buffy Summers on the Vegas strip. Two aliens and an inter-dimensional key!” Daniel held the phone away from his ear as Jack’s voice rose. “Not to mention you married the slayer! This is going to be a paper work nightmare! The president is panicking, unsure what the proper protocol is, and hoping to keep the new Mrs Jackson happy. Please tell me you’re making her happy.”
Blushing at the implication Daniel cleared his throat. “Well you see, neither of us can really remember-“
“That’s probably because Dawn put a spell on you.” Willow interjected helpfully.
Daniel heard a groan from the other side. “Tell me that’s not Willow Rosenberg.”
“Let me talk to him.” Willow held out her hand expectantly.
“What?” Daniel asked.
“Oh for crying out loud Daniel just put her on.”
“Hello Miss Rosenberg.”
“That’s Mrs Rosenberg to you.” She giggled. “They changed the laws.”
“Thanks, so what’s the problem?” Willow asked. “It all seems kind of funny to me.”
“Tell me what happened, so I can tell the president if he should be sending a congratulatory card, or trying to peacefully conclude what could be an international issue.” Jack responded.
“Ok, well from what I can piece together, Buffy and Daniel met last night in the hotel lounge, and hit it off. Coming off the recent sting of embarrassment Dawn was feeling after Buffy threatened her last boyfriend, not something Dawn is going to forget for a while I might add, Dawn decided to show her sister that, and I quote, ‘revenge is a dish best served hot and full of head lice and beer’ end quote. Buffy hates both things with a passion. I can understand the head lice thing, but she should be over the beer thing by now, it’s been ten years, ya know? But I guess going beer BC has a way of doing that to a person. You know-”
“Call me Willow.”
“Willow, can we get onto what happened?”
“Oh, sure, anyway, it is the fifth boyfriend of Dawn’s Buffy has threatened to castrate in a way that I won’t repeat, and Dawn decided to get some revenge, so she put a spell on the two of them, and then Vala said.”
“Wait, you know Vala?”
“Of course I know Vala. She works for the Council. Anyway, then she recommended Dawn use those bracelet things, and Dawn started thinking about long term punishment, and did you know that Nevada just passed a law that makes marriages valid for a year?”
“If you knew about this, why didn’t you do something to stop it?” Jack asked losing his rage a little and slipping into resignation.
“I didn’t know until a few minutes ago. When you called, I figured I should find out fast, so I, well it’s a complicated explanation, but I sort of read Dawns mind, and figured out what happened.”
Jack didn’t say anything to that.
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“So Dawn decided that not only would a marriage be appropriate for Buffy, but then to make them stick together for a year would also be sufficient punishment for-”
“A year!” Jack interrupted and after several seconds of what sounded like gurgling to Willow he said, “You know Willow, I’ve heard stories about you. The SGC doesn’t have access to your file, but Graham Miller is a friend of mine, and I know you have abilities that can fix this, don’t you?”
“I don’t know what Graham has been telling you, but this is magic I’ve never seen before. It’s alien, and after a lot of study I might be able to get them off, but it’s and what the hell? I’m going to have a talk with that marine. He knows better than to tell our secrets.”
“And you know better than to hack our files.”
“Um, well you know that I, but in my defence, we have to know what is happening if we are going to help with an invasion or an attack. The president knows that, and he knows we monitor you guys.”
“I swear classified just doesn’t mean what it used to mean.” Jack grumbled.
“Hey mister, don’t grumble at me, I’m the one who saved you the last time, confidentiality would have gotten you killed if I hadn’t stopped that bomb.”
“Really, that was you?”
“Of course it was me? Who else could stop a bomb chasing after your helicopter?”
“We thought it was someone with the ancient gene.”
“Nah, I was monitoring stuff and stopped it, well technically I have the ancient gene, but that’s not how I stopped it.” Willow said. “There is this process with the Goddess Hecate and a bunch of Rosemary and blood and-”
“As fasninating as your fairy stories are, I need to know what happened with Daniel, and why can’t we get Vala there now to get the bracelet off?”
“Because Dawn took her to another dimension, and unfortunately I can’t leave this one to look for her. We’re dealing with an apocalypse of our own just now, and even if we can spare Buffy, I have to get back to the front lines.”
Willow listened to Jack rant and rave and continued to add her insight into the Council drama for several minutes until Buffy banged the bathroom door open letting the steam fill up the room as she marched out to Daniel and Willow. Obviously much calmer, though still worried.
“Who is she talking to?” Buffy asked Daniel.
“General O’Neill, they’re deciding our fate.” Daniel said resigned.
“Well I need coffee. You do like coffee don’t you? No husband of mine is going to be a tea drinker, no matter how friendly you are with Giles.” She eyed him speculatively.
Daniel found himself grinning. “Of course, and it’s a good thing too, because no wife of mine could survive without coffee either.”
“It is the nectar of the gods.” Buffy added. “Let’s gets some before they start planning the rest of our lives.”
Willow stopped babbling about the interoffice romance and drama going on at the Council and stared at the two as they smiled at each other and Buffy took his offered elbow.
“What’s happening?!!” Jack demanded. “Are you ok?”
“I think we’re in trouble.” Willow said.
“I don’t think it occurred to Dawn that they might actually like each other. I mean it’s unorthodox, but…You know a lot of people never meet before they marry. This could work, and the president has been hounding us to work with you guys officially. Maybe this is a good thing.”
“Are you saying they are getting along?” Jack barked into the phone.
“Apparently he shares her love of coffee.” Willow said.
Jack was quiet for a minute. “Why is that trouble?”
“Because if Dawn finds out, she might try to get them apart. I don’t think you understand how upset she is. Dawn is twenty two, and still basically, well not a virgin, but Buffy keeps scaring her boyfriends away.”
“I thought she was in another dimension?”
“That’s true, and if Vala has the key, they will want to stay away as long as possible. Dawn promised her she’d take her dimension hopping for her birthday.”
“Are you telling me Vala might be gone for a while?” Jack asked.
“Could be, I guess we won’t know until Dawn decides to come back.”
“I hate to say this, but I think all things considered, Vala’s gone, our agencies can work together, and hell maybe Daniel and Buffy will hit it off. This isn’t sounding all that bad.” Jack said. “But the paperwork is going to kill me.”
“You have to do paper work if one of your team gets married?”
“No, but Vala jumping dimensions with Dawn is going to give me a headache for months, and well yes, there are things I will have to write up if we work together.”
“Oops, shoot, I’m sorry General, but I have to go. That apocalypse I mentioned is happening, and a bunch of H’tromicak demons are trying to open the Cleveland hellmouth. I’ve got to go, the slayers are deploying.”
“Should I send a team?”
“Not unless you want them to be slaughtered. We’ve got this, don’t worry about it.”
“How about a medical tent?”
“Fine, but stay in the abandoned Pearson’s Sugar Mill on Sixth Street, and I’ll make sure to send the injured slayers there. I’ve gotta go.” Willow hung up and dropped the phone on the bed before apparating to Cleveland. Buffy would have to deal with Daniel on her own.
Jack phoned the president and explained the situation. “I’m not sure now is the proper time for congratulations sir. Mrs Jackson might not be ready to face it just yet, but Mrs Rosenberg believes this could work out in our favour. She thinks this might be the way our organizations finally form an official alliance. Unofficially of course.”
“Yes sir, I’ll order Daniel back to base, and have her sign all the proper forms.”
“No, sir, I believe a honey moon should wait until they are more familiar with each other.”
“Absolutely sir, Mrs Rosenberg believes they have it under control, but I’m sending a medical team just in case.”
“Actually sir, that’s a long complicated story of revenge and drama fit for one of those scifi teenage dramas that are so popular these days, but I’ll put it in the report.”
“Yes sir, it will be an interesting read.” Groaning internally Jack wondered just how colourful he was going to have to make this. The president was a decent man, but he did have an unhealthy interest in gossip. He couldn’t believe he voted for the guy.