Do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Stargate SG-1.
Challenge response. But of course, Buffy had to do it her own way. The Buck Stops Here.
Summary: Buffy was Bored. Nothing good has ever come of that. Well, maybe that one time.
Please note that none of the politicians mentioned are based on real people. I only know the Governor of Colorado from about a minute of interview I caught on TV and was impressed by his 'common sense' approach to Marijuana. The opinions expressed herein are only my own. Wrote this back during the last election. Just got around to posting now as Colorado prepares to legalize marijuana.
Chapter 1 and only.
Buffy O'Neill (née Summers) had been bored. That's what started the whole thing. She'd come to Colorado Springs specifically to get away from demonic stuff. To retire in peace. At her husband's insistence, she'd even taken up fishing, and found it to be fun and a good challenge not only to entice the fish to bite, but to use finesse control of her Slayer powers. Ripping the hook out of the fish's mouth was not just a saying with Slayer powers. And then she found out that the Mayor of Colorado Springs was a demon, who was not only ruthlessly killing off any other demons that came to town, but also feasting on 365 residents per year.
“God save us from caring politicians.” Buffy had snarked at the breakfast table to her husband when she read the obituary of the man/demon/thing she’d just killed two nights ago. It was amazing how fast they could write obituaries nowadays.
And in the resultant power vacuum, Colonel Jack O'Neill, her husband and father of their daughter, had talked her into running for the vacant seat. If nothing else, running for office would be something new, and might cure her boredom.
And so it was that Buffy O'Neill ran for office. She knew it didn't hurt that she was more photogenic and more used to giving speeches than her opponent. And with a few mysterious over-seas donations to her campaign fund, she was able to become Mayor of Colorado Springs. Things went pretty much the same as under the last Mayor, except that she didn't kill and eat a person every night. And instead of sending hit-squads to kill demons, the Mayor did the job herself. Residents of Colorado Springs got used to seeing their Mayor walking the streets every night, looking for trouble, but always willing to listen if someone had something to say.
And then the Governor of Colorado died not long after a ballot initiative to decriminalize marijuana had been started. And she was shocked at the rhetoric of both the main party challengers for the seat. Even her husband, whom she thought of as a stuffy military guy (but never to his face), was in favor of decriminalization or even legalization (as long as you weren't driving or on duty). He encouraged her to run, yet again.
She didn't actually have a political party to start with. Just herself and a few staff members who thought she'd make a great Governor. But again, a few mysterious over-seas contributions later and she had a real political machine going. She decided to take a 'common sense' approach to all the issues. Marijuana? Not dangerous unless you're high and behind the wheel. Gay marriage? If you don't like it, don't marry a gay.
'Coming out' as having a best friend who was gay definitely secured her the homosexual vote away from the DFL candidate. Her support of the marijuana decriminalization got her the stoners and the people who simply supported the freedom and less government intervention in society, which included a high percentage of Coloradans. And once she came out against gun control, she got a call from the Libertarian Party. It seemed that not interfering with people's personal lives mostly defined what it meant to be a Libertarian. She read through their promotional material and decided that she didn't disagree with anything major they had to say and the two signed on together. She now had a national party backing her and a bunch more people who would likely vote for her. Better yet, it let people know where she stood on most issues. And most Coloradans were supportive of her campaign promise to 'leave you the hell alone'.
She had made her first speech in her run for Governor in Colorado Springs, where she was already Mayor, and had attracted only a couple hundred people. With the backing of a professional 3rd party, they started organizing rallies where she was speaking to thousands at a time.
And things grew from there. Sure, they never got the bigots from the right or the gun haters from the left, but Buffy decided that if THOSE people voted down both herself and common sense, then quite frankly, they deserved what they got.
And somehow, she won. Not a majority of the vote. But more than either of the main party candidates. And she wasn't but a few moments into celebrating when her husband handed her the phone. She had no idea if a congratulatory phone call from the President himself was normal for first-time Governors, but it certainly made her night. That and the slight smirk on her husband's face when she found out that as Governor and as her husband's wife, she was finally going to be read into what he really did for a living.
Buffy was not stupid. She didn't believe for a second that her strapping, Special Ops husband sat at a desk under a mountain every day. Heck, just the tan he kept up could tell her he did more than that. And then there were the times that he didn't come home for days or weeks and when he did come back, he'd have a few new wounds or limp for a while. But he'd never talk about them with her. And so she didn't tell him about her own scars while they were lying in bed naked. But now she was about to find out. And then the realization that she'd have to tell him about her own life hit.
She had to call Riley.
She didn't think that most Governors-elect had to call their ex-boyfriends after they won the election.
“This is Finn.” he answered.
“Riley. It's Buffy.”
“Buffy. I just saw the news. Congratulations.” he sounded genuinely happy for her.
“Thanks. Not only that. I just got a call from the President, they're going to read me into whatever it is that Jack's been doing.” Buffy said. When Buffy had first discovered that not only was her then-boyfriend in the military, but also in a secret project, Riley had been the one she'd called. He'd done a little digging for her, not enough to know anything, but enough to know that it was all above board.
“Well, that's great. But why are you calling me?” he had to ask.
“I made a promise to him. When he told me about the scars he came back with, I'd tell him about my own scars. I should be able to handle this, but would you be available to be on-call in about a week? Just in case he wants to talk to a fellow military guy to assure him it's real.” she asked.
“Sure.” he promised.
Buffy got read into the Stargate program while General Jack O’Neill got the show and tell on demons and monsters. Buffy was now the Governor of the state of Colorado and that really should have been enough for her. Heck, it was
enough for her. But then a man by the name of Robert Kinsey decided to run for President and the man going up against him was predicted to lose even before polling started.
Jack begged. He pleaded, he promised anything she wanted if she would just try
running for President. “Just make an honest try.” was all he really wanted. As a third party candidate, her odds were somewhere between slim and nil. But Jack bet her a shiny Sacajawea dollar coin that she couldn’t win.
“Fine. But after I announce my candidacy, I get to visit P4J-989.” Buffy negotiated.
Jack rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He didn’t particularly like the place. After all, he’d been trapped in a very painful virtual reality there. But he had to admit that the gardens on the planet were second to none. Besides, escorting his wife was a great excuse to get himself offworld too. Something he didn’t get to do enough of since his promotion.
It was arguably the cleanest campaign in the United State’s history. Ironically enough, it was kept that way by blackmail.
“Now, now Mr. Vice
-President,” Buffy emphasized the ‘vice’ in his title. “I would be appreciative if your people stopped airing commercials that insinuated that I’m keeping secrets from the American people. After all, the best way to stop keeping secrets is to share them.”
Kinsey chuckled. “You do that, and I’ll have you in Leavenworth for breach of National Security before you can blink, missy.”
“That’s ‘Madam Governor’ to you. And I’ve got all sorts of secrets that I never signed any sort of NDA on. Starting with the secret military base underneath a town that later collapsed...”
Buffy and Kinsey didn’t run any dirty ads against each other, but that didn’t stop the other candidate from running dirty ads against Kinsey.
“You know, technically speaking, this makes me your boss.”
“Yes. Yes it does.”
“Come here you, and kiss your Commander-in-Chief.”
A/N: I’m evil. Don’t read this last bit if you don’t want a horrible image burned into your brain.
I’m serious, you should stop reading.
Don’t say I didn’t tell you so.
Fine. I didn’t actually say who won, though I know most of you filled in the blanks. Go back and read the last three lines of the story and imagine that it was Kinsey that won.
Told you so.