Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

Not Everything on the Telly is Fake

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking

Summary: Halloween comes once more, but Buffy doesn't dress as an 18th century noblewoman, she instead finds a multicolored scarf which catches her eye...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Dr. Who/Torchwood > Buffy-CenteredellfFR18417,3527417,36011 Jan 1416 Apr 14No

Slaying and Extermination

Not Everything on the Telly is Fake

By Ellf

Chapter 4: Slaying and Extermination


“What do you mean by exterminated, Buffy?”   Giles looked at his Slayer as she rummaged through a box of random electronics after having given her report for the previous night.    “You found a dead demon and...”


“And the ionization charge in the air plus the lack of anything more than the barest of wounds on the demon meant it was killed instantaneously with a weapon that is designed to kill anything and everything.   It was exterminated, Giles.”   Buffy pulled out coil from the toaster she’d been working on.  Perfect.   That Slayer strength came in handy when she needed it to.


“Well, isn’t this a good thing?”   Xander said.    “Some new thing is coming in and offing man eating demons.   I, for one, am happy that they’re helping.   Maybe we shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”


Buffy pulled out a blender’s bottom and placed it on the table before turning toward Xander.    “Xander, nothing deserves this sort of death.   Not even the beings responsible for it. “


“Well isn’t that what you do?  Exterminate the demons...”   Xander asked.


“No, I slay demons.   Daleks exterminate.” Buffy connected three wires on the creation she was working on and gave a subtle palming with something in her pocket.


Willow, Xander and Giles all stopped at that moment to consider what Buffy had said.  At least, that’s what Buffy hoped they were doing.   She knew she was right about this and something had to be done.   However, she needed to find them first.


“Wait... you don’t mean that you think a Dalek killed that demon, do you?” Willow’s voice only carried the slightest hint of fear as she said that.


Buffy connected two more wires and hooked an egg timer to the device.  Perfect.  Looking over what she’d assembled from a purely human aspect, there was no way that the device she’d assembled should do anything at all.   However, given what she knew had to be out there.    “I don’t think a Dalek killed that demon, no.”   

She flicked on the device.   “I know a Dalek did, and I’m going to find it.  And stop it.”


Xander examined the device that Buffy held.   “How are you going to find a Dalek with that?  And what is that, by the way?”


“This is a Dalekanium Tesseractor Receptor.   It scans for residual huons and temporal anomalies resultant and related to the presence of dalekanium and the nanogenes that daleks use for their production of extermination beams.”  Buffy answered with a smile.   Of course, when she looked over the remainder of the Scoobies, she could see she lost them.   “It’s a Dalek detector.    It goes ding when there’s a dalek nearby.   Also possibly when there’s a troll.   But what are the chances of an actual troll being here at the same time as a dalek?”   Buffy pursed her lips.   “Also it can probably fry an egg at twenty paces.   I don’t think I managed to work that kink out.”



Michael was on top of the world.  He was starting running back for the Razorbacks, which admittedly was a position that seemed to open up for anyone every few weeks.   Just two weeks ago, he was the third string running back.   However, he’d be different.   He knew what not to do at night, where not to go.    He grew up here in Sunnydale, and he was smart.    The gangs wouldn’t get him.   He had a date Friday with Aura and he wasn’t going to blow that for anything.


He walked through the halls of the school on his way to his next class, adjusting his letterman jacket.   After all, he had to stand out.  People needed to recognize him for who he was.   He was the best running back this town would ever have.   He knew it.   They knew it.   Everyone knew it.   Was that Aura primping herself over by her locker?   Damn, that girl knew how to look good.    He was so distracted by her beauty he didn’t even notice the fact that some little nerd wasn’t looking where he was going.   The little nerd just crashed right into him.   The nerve of that kid, making him drop everything to the floor.


“Watch where you’re going, freak!”  Wow, this kid was a mouse of a man.   The boy’s name escaped him though.    J-something.  Jeremy?  Jono-something.   

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t...”  Oh... the poor little baby was going to cry.   Trying to make it seem like it wasn’t his fault that he bumped into him.


“Well, Jono, you better pick up your crap... and mine.   Make sure it’s all there.   Otherwise I’m going to make sure you’re there for me to practice my drills with.   By chasing you.”   There.  That should put the nerd in his place.   Michael knew that the kid probably had his own issues, but he didn’t care.   They weren’t his problem.   He watched the nerd with interest as Jono picked up Michael’s papers and handed them to him.    “If it’s not all here, you’re going to get it, Jono.   Maybe a locker stuffing.”


Michael strode down the hall like he owned the place.   Of course, his next class was gym, so he went to the locker room from there.   When he got to the locker, he opened it up.   Huh.  Someone must have put something into his locker with his stuff.   He certainly didn’t have any six inch tall geeky shit in his locker.    It looked kind of like one of those things you put pepper in, one with the bumps on the bottom.  Its color was gold, and it had what looked like a plunger coming out of the middle.   There appeared to be a small ray gun looking thing next to the plunger, along with an extended camera out of where he would assume the head would be if he pretended it were human.   Two lights were on the top of its head that lit up slightly as he looked at it.


Michael wasn’t even sure what the hell it was, but then it moved a little.   Then it spoke with a tinny voice and a bit of a British accent, kind of like the librarian.  “MICH-AEL MIKE-SON?”   


“Yeah that’s me.   The hell are you?”  He was not scared.


“YOU HAVE BEEN SEL-EC-TED!  THE DA-LEKS HAVE CHO-SEN YOU!”  The thing moved forward, rolling in his locker, and the little gun moved to aim at him almost as if it was pointing.


“Daleks...  what?  Chosen for what?”  He was not scared.


“EX-TER-MIN-A-TION TESTS!  EX-TER-MI-NATE!”   He barely had time to duck the blast that caused the locker to explode behind him.  Okay, maybe he was a little scared.   Michael put his running back experience to work as he ran for the door to the locker room.   He rammed his shoulder into it.   No.  Locked.   There had to be another way out.   The window maybe.   Michael turned to run toward that.


As he prepared to jump for the window, two more lockers opened, revealing two more of those tiny toy-like creatures.   They started to move and speak as well   “EX-TER-MI-NATE! EX-TER-MI-NATE!”


The first tiny dalek shot another blast at him which he managed to twirl to the side to avoid.   His football skills didn’t fail him when the second shot came, forcing him to duck.    It was the job of the running back to go around obstacles, after all.   Unfortunately, the third shot caught him dead on, and the last thing that Mike thought as he died was about how he probably deserved to be third string after all.



God, could the day get any more annoying?   First Cordelia had to fix her own breakfast this morning because someone had decided that her maids deserved the day off.   For the record, cereal is terrible when you were expecting something more substantial.   Then she came to school and Aura was totally copying her skirt.    No way, huh-uh, Queen C doesn’t play that way.   After forcing Aura to change the skirt with an emergency stash, Cordelia had been prepared for the day.   


Of course, that freak, Buffy, had been different since Halloween, and the girl borrowed her curling iron.  Cordelia, being the generous soul she was, let her.   After exchanging a couple barbs with Harris, who was totally not attractive, at all, she had returned to class to do her work.   Now, however, was the worst part of the day.   She was all ready to head out and go for cheerleading practice when the entire area was closed down.    Police tape was everywhere, and she heard from Harmony who heard from Janice who heard from Mark who heard from Steve who heard from David that someone had died.   How inconsiderate!


“Why is it that nobody around has any consideration for my schedule when they go and die?  Huh?  I have needs too!”  Cordelia complained aloud.   Of course, being in the hallway nearby, she was sure to be overheard by someone.


“Yes, we’ll just tell people that they’re only allowed to die when it doesn’t inconvenience you, Cordy.   My hearts bleed.”  Oh great, Buffy was here.   


“Well, since you’re here, why don’t you go find out what killed him and slay it already?”  Seriously, did she have to think of everything?


“That’s what Xander’s for.   The guy died in the men’s locker room, and I have no real desire to go in there again at this point in time.”   Buffy reached into her backpack and pulled out a strange looking machine.  Cordelia had no idea what it was, but she did see her curling iron in the monstrosity.


“What... the hell did you do to my curling iron?”  Cordelia was pissed.  “You had better make sure you get me a new one!  You’re going to replace that if I have my w-“


“Well, got confirmation, Buffster.   He’s got all his blood and there’s no injuries on him save for a bit of burning.  The locker room’s pretty messed up though.”  Xander had to have walked up from the side somehow, but Cordy was so worked up over that curling iron she didn’t notice.


“That doesn’t explain why this isn’t dinging...   If it was them it should have been dinging...”   Buffy slapped the side of the machine in her hand...  and clear as day there was a ding.   “Well, at least the bell works.”


Cordelia blinked.   “You know what?  I’m not even going to ask.  Your freaky machine and your freakishness are going to just have to be freaky with each other.   Just make sure you...”  It dinged again.  “Just make sure you replace that curling iron that you broke.  It was a collec-“ Ding again.  Louder this time.    Then a second ding after a few seconds.


Buffy’s face seemed to be draining of color, Xander’s too.  Each ding made the Slayer twitch, and a twitchy Buffy meant something woogy was going down.   “Okay, what’s with the dinging?  Why does it keep doing that?”   The dinging continued.


“Cordelia, I know you and I don’t get along, but when I give the word, I want you and Xander to run.  Fast.”   Buffy’s voice had a tinge of an English accent as she said that.   “What’s coming is worse than any vampire or demon we’ve faced.   It wants nothing but the death of everything not it, and it has the means to destroy everything.”

Okay, now Buffy was scaring her.    The dinging kept going and kept getting louder.   She scanned the hallway.  It was mostly empty save for a few students walking by and the police talking with Principal Snyder.   The dinging continued to get louder as a few kids walked by... and then the dinging quieted down.  It slowed to a single ding per five seconds before disappearing completely.  


Buffy frowned.   “Something is a little off here.”


“Yeah, your paranoid freak mind!  I’m going to go to the cafeteria where I can at least be around people who aren’t as freaky as you.  God, get over it already.”  Cordelia pushed by.  


Xander, never to pass up a chance for a parting shot commented, “Always a breath of fresh air to deal with you Cordy.”


Cordelia responded with a rude gesture as she headed off.    Wait.   Did Buffy say her hearts bleed?



After Cordelia had left, Xander turned to his friend.   “You said that thing dinged when it detected daleks.   It dinged.  There’s no daleks.  I mean, not that I’m not happy that we’re not dodging scary exterminate-y laser beams, but what gives?”


Buffy’s face furrowed up with thought.   Likely deeper thoughts than she’d been thinking before Halloween, Xander surmised, but then Buffy had been the one changed the most by the experience.   He’d seen it firsthand.    “Well, the detector seems to be working, and it’s definitely detected something, but what specifically... it might be daleks.   It could also be that someone has found a sample of dalekanium and was carrying it with them.”


Xander cocked his head.   “I don’t actually remember that term from the show, Buff.   What exactly is dalekanium?”


Buffy cocked an eyebrow at him.   It did make her look a little cuter.   “Dalekanium is the metal that the dalek chasis is made out of.  It’s an alloy that is only naturally found on Skaro.   Which begs the question: just how did it end up here?   Daleks shouldn’t be here.  They are fictional.  Skaro is fictional.   There’s no reason for them to be here, but they are.”


“To be fair, Gallifrey is also fictional, and vampires are considered by many to be fiction too, though we both know better on that one.”  Xander said.   He started heading toward the library with Buffy.


“Fair point.   The other question is just what exactly are the daleks planning?   Killing vampires and demons isn’t exactly outside of their modus operandi, but they must be trying for something.”   Buffy mused.   “First thing to do is find them.”


“And then kill them?”   Xander didn’t want to deal with daleks if he could avoid it.  A real dalek was a far scarier idea than anything that he’d seen that was actually on the Hellmouth.   Not because it was more deadly, there were certainly things at least as deadly as daleks on the Hellmouth, but because of how they behaved.  He’d actually killed vampires and demons.... well, mostly he stood back and let Buffy kill vampires and demons, but daleks were another breed.   It might have been what he remembered from his UNIT training, but daleks were definitely something he didn’t want to face without the Doctor.


“Ideally.   As nice as it would be to let the daleks just exterminate all of the vampires in town, they wouldn’t stop there.   They would become a threat to the world if given time... and we’re in a position to stop them.   Before they can establish their threat.   Hopefully Willow has gotten working on that Nitro-9 recipe. I’ve a feeling we’ll need it before this is over.”  As Buffy entered the library, Xander couldn’t help but notice the British tinge to her voice.   He’d had a bit of it himself since Halloween, but nowhere near as much as Buffy.   She’d sounded like a mix between her normal self and Giles in accent...  it was a sort of strange.



This town was a cesspit of human impurity and mutants.  Creatures which had disappeared from before the establishment of time walked freely here, and they tainted the world with their impurity.   Inferior species were everywhere here and it chafed to let them live.   Still, the orders of the creator were to be subtle and quiet.  They were to test weaponry on the impure mutants and the humans which the creator had designated for extermination.   Depending on the creator chafed.   However, it was not the Scout’s place to question its orders.  


It hovered in through a door to an establishment filled with the mongrels.   Its orders were not for weapon tests this time.  The inferior species were to be used for labor in the aid with production.   The Daleks did not require aid, of course.   They simply required resources which these mutants would be able to provide.  The Creator saw that.   The dalek hovered up to the surface of the bar and moved its eyestalk to get a good look around.


Disgusting.   These inferior species were eating together, drinking together, doing many biological things together.   Some were so mutated that they barely resembled their base species.   Some clearly were never human to begin with, but that did not matter.  They were not daleks, therefore they were inferior.  


“Hey Willy, give me a pint of B-neg, will you, mate?”   It moved its eyestalk to see the speaker.   The mutant resembled a human but had no heat signature which it had come to associate with the race known as “vampire.”   An extermination beam would cause it to collapse into dust when hit.    Peculiar, but not unexpected from this race, however it was not what was required.


“Right away, Spike sir.”   It turned to look at the new speaker.  Human, alone in a group of mutants and other impure species.   It appeared to be male and afraid of the vampire as it poured a mug.   The human seemed to notice its presence on the surface.   “Hey, who brought in the toy?   It looks pretty expensive.”


“THE HU-MAN WILL BE SI-LENT! O-BEY!”  It was time to begin gathering laborers.


“Hah! It has you pegged, Willy.   Wonder how it works, remote control?”   A green scaled mutant dared to approach so it leveled its gun stick at the creature.  


“THE MU-TANT WILL TAKE TWO STEPS BACK OR IT WILL BE EX-TER-MI-NAT-ED!  YOU HAVE THREE RELS TO COM-PLY!”  It was not going to let the contaminated hands of a mutant touch its chasis.  Inferior species would not be tolerated.


Still it approached, chuckling as those creatures do.   “Oh yeah, I dare you then.  Exterminate me.”


“IF THE MU-TANT IN-SISTS!  EX-TER-MI-NATE!”  It shot an extermination beam at the mutant, proving its inferiority to the Daleks in its death.   The rest of the establishment’s members began to get to their feet after that.   “THE MU-TANTS ARE TO BE RE-CRUIT-ED FOR DA-LEK USE!   THEY WILL O-BEY OR BE EX-TER-MI-NAT-ED!” 


“Oh yeah, you think you can take all of us alone, Dalek?”   Another vampire.   Pitiful.  It was hardly worth the extermination beam to reduce it to dust.


“YES!  BUT I DO NOT NEED TO!” The Dalek turned its eyestalk toward the entrance it came in through as it was pushed open.    In rolled a full-sized soldier Dalek.  Its coloring hardly mattered, as it too was aligned with the creator.  The mutants here would bow to the wishes of all daleks.    “THE MU-TANTS WILL COM-PLY!  COM-PLY! COM-PLY!”


The dalek at the entrance joined in the order.  “COM-PLY!  COM-PLY!  COM-PLY!”


Author’s notes:  I had originally planned on the chapter being longer than this, but this seemed like a good scene to end the chapter on.  I’d had this chapter complete for a while, but I’d been wanting to go longer.   As for the job hunt... I’m starting to get a bit going, though I’ve had some minor issues too.   Rejections suck.


The End?

You have reached the end of "Not Everything on the Telly is Fake" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 16 Apr 14.

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking