Disclaimer: I own neither BtVS nor DC nor Marvel… and a lot of other things!
Xander was sure there were more embarrassing ways to die than falling from the sky wearing a miniskirt, but he couldn't think of any off the top of his head, not before he slammed into the concrete at any rate.*WHAM*
Pain. Orange rock with concerned blue eyes. Fade to black…
He didn't wake up until nearly two weeks had passed. Xander ignored the frantic beeping coming from several machines as he went through his post head injury checklist. He still had all his limbs and his left arm and right leg were in casts. The fact that he was still female was very apparent but secondary to the fact that he was injured and in a strange environment.
He remembered Halloween and losing a bet to Cordelia. Kara had taken over and her thoughts had flashed by so quickly Xander had barely gathered a glimpse of them and what he had seen was humbling. Kara had incinerated every vampire in town and tied up every demon real or costumed in under five minutes. Portals started opening around her and she'd flew into one trying to dodge another.
He instinctively knew he was still Kryptonian, but as he was no longer Kara he lacked the sunlight she'd had stored in her cells. So he'd fallen out of the sky like a brick and cratered the sidewalk of…wherever he was. It had been night of course or he wouldn't have had that problem.
Sitting up took some effort and getting out of bed even more, but Xander made his slow painful way to the window ignoring the even more strident yowling the medical equipment was making. Placing his hand on the glass he could feel a tiny trickle of energy, which made no sense until he looked at the sun. The sun looked almost as red as Krypton's. Apparently he was being held by someone who knew enough about Kryptonians to keep one imprisoned. Well they may have known enough about Kryptonians, but they didn't know enough about Harris'.
His first blow barely shook the glass.
By the time Grim reached the room Reed had set up for their injured visitor she had cracked the cast on her arm and was beating on the window with both arms despite her injury.
"Whoa! Whoa!" Ben cried out waving his arms to get her attention. "If you keep that up you'll really do yourself an injury!"
"I'm injured and in pain," Xander said. "I'm being deliberately kept that way by cutting off my access to sunlight. I don't know what you want with me, but I'm not willing to stay imprisoned by someone who would treat others this way."
"Reed just wanted you make sure you weren't a threat," Ben said trying to calm her down. "Your potential power level is kind of high."
"So, because I am different it's morally acceptable to keep me injured and in pain, merely because I might possibly be a threat?" Xander demanded.
Ben opened his mouth and then he closed it. "No, it isn't," he admitted after a bit of thought. "But until you woke up we had no way of knowing what kind of person you are and how much innocent blood is a clean conscience worth to you? Because it isn't worth a drop to me."
Xander sighed. "Way to kick my high horse out from under me. Well, I'm not a nut with a god complex or a genocidal madman. Hell, I'm not even a litterbug. I would like sunlight, a Twinkie or two, some clothes and directions to Dr. Strange's place."
The door to the hall clicked open and the intercom came on, "Escort her to the terrace; I'll be there with her clothes in five."
"Need me to carry you?" Ben asked.
"Probably," Xander admitted pausing to awkwardly retie the hospital gown he was wearing before Ben picked him up bridal style and carried him through the building and onto a section that was open to the sky and looked to have been set up like a backyard complete with furniture and pool, though surrounded by bushes.
As the sunlight hit him Xander sighed. "The pain is already a fading memory. I'd strip, but I don't want to offend anyone."
Ben set him down on a beach chair by the pool. "My girl would kill me anyway. Let me introduce myself. I'm Ben Grim, the ever lovin' blue eyed Thing."
Xander offered his hand. "Alexander Harris, sixteen year old male who was turned into the Halloween costume he wore because he lost a bet."
"Ouch," Ben said shaking his head.
"Yeah," Xander agreed. "California boy turned blonde alien goddess."
"That's one extreme change," Ben said suddenly thankful his own change hadn't been that radical.
"And apparently all the stories of Kryptonians concentrate on the physical stats and completely gloss over the fact that their brains are a lot more powerful too," Xander said shaking his head. "My mind is a whirl with transient thoughts and nodes of brilliance!"
Ben managed to keep a straight face as he replied with a thick western accent, "You speak purdier than a three dollar whore."
"Ben!" Richard exclaimed wide eyed as he stepped onto the roof carrying Xander's cleaned and repaired Supergirl outfit. "I'm sorry," Reed began to apologize when Xander and Ben burst out laughing. "I'm missing something, aren't I?" he asked, used to not getting peoples jokes.
Xander accepted the costume and completely unmindful of the two stripped and put it on, as Sue was stepping out onto the terrace with her brother Johnny.
"Hubba hubba," Johnny said with a leer before Sue punched him in the shoulder.
"You can look now," she told Reed and Ben who had turned away.
"I'm a sixteen year old male," Xander explained. "I have no female body modesty."
"Eww," Johnny said as he realized that he'd just ogled a guy.
"There has to be an interesting story behind that," Sue said. "And for why Reed was so paranoid."
"Projected power levels put her at omega class," Reed explained. "I prefer to error on the side of caution."
Xander sighed. "An unfortunately understandable mindset. Anyway, back to what I was saying. Reed, watch all the Mel Brooks movies, especially Blazing Saddles."
"What does that have to do with you being male?" Johnny asked.
"It doesn't, but Ben told me I 'speak purdier than a three dollar whore', shocking Reed who wasn't here for the rest of the conversation."
"Oh," Johnny and his sister chorused.
"Are we all here now so I only have to tell it once?"
"All of us are here," Ben agreed.
"OK, I was turned into my costume and fell through a portal," Xander explained. "My name is Alexander Harris, though I go by Xander. I need to see Dr. Strange, because his fame has even reached my world and if anyone can send me home it would be him."
"That's it?" Reed asked surprised.
"I'd also like to be changed back to a male, but yeah, I just need him to send me home."
"Not returned to human?" Sue asked.
"My high school is set directly over a portal to hell," Xander said. "Our school paper has an obituary section. Why in the world would I want to be human again? Do you have something against Kryptonians?"
"What? No!" Sue quickly blurted out.
"Do you all want your powers removed?" Xander asked curiously. He nodded at the chorus of nos. "My normal self would have died from the fall or from a thousand things in my hometown. Even the power level I have now can't save me from all of the dangers of home."
"And you want to return there?" Johnny asked.
"My family is there," Xander said. "And I'm sure this world has its own dangers, but I don't see you leaving it. I'm sure Reed could whip up a dimensional transport device and find a safer universe to move if anyone was interested."
"Yeah, but if this world was that dangerous I'd grab all my family and stuff them in a portal," Johnny said. "Our world has some dangers but if the local highschool had a regular obituary column and things that could kill an omega, I wouldn't wait for them to agree I'd be kidnapping everyone!"
Xander grinned. "If it weren't abandoning the rest of the world I'd probably do that."
"The line between heroic and suicidal is a thin one," Johnny said. "Just remember saving the world isn't your sole responsibility, it's the responsibility of everyone who lives in it, and you have the right to decide when something is too dangerous for you."
Everyone stared at him in open mouthed shock.
"What? It's what my therapist told me."
"I didn't know you were getting shrunk?" Ben said.
"I had to prove to a girl I met that I wasn't a sex addict," Johnny admitted. "So I talked to a shrink and one thing led to another."
"So you aren't a sex addict?" Ben asked curiously.
"We have a high pressure job, which means we need a way to blow off steam. The fact that we spend so much time in battle means we also have a much higher libido than your average guy on the street. DO you see where I am going with this?" Johnny asked.
"Our level of sexual activity is significantly higher than the statistical norm," Reed agreed. "And probably more than the average citizen could handle comfortably."
"Exactly, so my behavior is normal for someone in my position. I date a girl, she discovers she can't handle me, I move on," Johnny said reasonably. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm helping my shrink deal with a couple of patients. One is a nymphomaniac and another has a sexual obsession with superheroes she wants to get over."
"You're dating a sexual therapist?" Xander asked having put together two and two before anyone else.
"If you want honest answers about sex you don't go to a Freudian shrink," Johnny agreed. "Besides this way I have a productive outlet for my excess energies and I get to help people."
"With your penis," Sue said dryly.
Johnny turned to Reed. "Do you remember that bus that almost went off the bridge last month? As I recall you had both hands on the rail and were using your left foot to catch a biker and your right to prevent the bike from hitting those pedestrians, so what did you have wrapped around the axel that required Sue to whisper in your ear to help you pull it back onto the bridge proper?"
"Oh look, it's a total subject change," Sue said quickly. "So… Xander, why Dr. Strange?" I'm pretty sure Reed could get you home."
Xander went along with the subject change while Johnny just snorted and waved as he left. "A bit of this and that, but mainly the sex change."
"What can you tell us about Kryptonians?" Reed asked.
"You are paranoid, so anything I say at this point you would probably figure out a way to use against me, and as there are at least five people or organizations minimum who have planted bugs here and monitor your computer I'm going to keep mum," Xander said using his X-Ray vision to see how his arm was healing.
"Really? Who?" Read asked, whipping out a laptop and typing away rapidly.
"Tony Stark, Nicholas Fury, Dr. Doom, A.I.M., and… ok make that at least four," Xander replied. "And I really don't want A.I.M. or Tony Stark knowing about me."
"Not Doom or fury?" Ben asked.
"Doom only screws with you guys because Reed was a bad roommate in college and Fury would only do something if I become a threat, though his computers are also probably bugged by Tony and A.I.M." Xander said thoughtfully. "I don't want A.I.M. knowing about me for obvious reasons and frankly I think Tony is a headcase whose ego and intellectual arrogance will lead to bad things all around. He doesn't have Sue and Ben to keep him grounded."
"You know a lot about our world," Reed noted.
"Yeah," Xander agreed. "And I don't want that bandied about either. The last thing I need is people trying to kidnap me to find out what I know."
"I'm seeing several backdoors," Reed said absently as he typed.
Xander scanned the area. "I'm seeing three different designs of robotic insects buzzing about the area."
"Only one of those is mine," Reed said typing faster as the insects started shooting at one another.
Scores of tiny insects battled one another while Sue wrapped the table in a force field.
"Talk about bugged," Ben joked taking out a cigar.
Sue raised an eyebrow.
"Just leave me outside the bubble," Ben said. "I don't mind getting zapped as long as I can smoke."
Sue sighed and shrank the bubble. Various insects fought on and around Ben Grimm, but his rocky hide allowed him to ignore them.
"You may have a point," Reed conceded as a pair of laser turrets popped up and fired on each other before a third blew them up. "However you sound a tad paranoid yourself."
Xander looked around at the chaos surrounding them. "It's not paranoia if you're right."
"Point," he agreed. "I'm going to overhaul my security system but I'm sure Ben wouldn't mind taking you to see Dr. Strange."
"I wanted to compare waffle recipes with Wong anyway," Ben said, flicking a ladybug that was firing lasers at a wasp off his shoulder.
Xander examined himself and peeled off the casts on his arm and leg. "I'm good."
"Don't you need shoes?" Susan asked.
"Bulletproof," Xander replied, the boots having vanished before he got his costume back.
"Doggy landmines," she countered.
"I'll stay a couple of inches above the ground," Xander decided.
"Good call," Ben agreed.Typing by: The Last Primarch!