DISCLAIMER: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel and Stargate do not belong to me. I just play with them and then put them back into their boxes where they clamor to come out and play with me some more...
NOTE: This is most emphatically *not* a sequel
WARNING: Sexual situations. Adultery. This goes to darker places than most of my other work. It goes to the darker, nastier, messier, more selfish parts of the human psyche. Don't say I didn't warn you.
probably make more sense if you've read Doing What Comes Naturally, however, though that's not absolutely essential. It's set in an alternate (think quantum mirror) universe where things that have happened in this universe that aren't exactly as they were in DWCN. Just because something happened here, doesn't mean that is the way it will go in DWCN. the converse is also true. It probably won't be exactly canon compliant with Stargate Atlantis either, since I haven't seen the whole thing.
This is set approximately five years after the original story began. It may be a while before it is finished. Updates will be sporadic. This was simply a 'what if' idea that I had to get out of my head. It will be finished. It will be relatively short, but the nature of the work means it may take a while.
Jack was worried sick. Sam and the team hadn’t returned from PX 13 751. Landry had called him personally to let him to let him know. He’d always wondered how he’d manage if something happened to Sam. It wasn’t like the old days when he was right there in Colorado Springs, even though he hadn't been at the SGC for almost five years. For more than a year now, he’d been elsewhere. Working on Homeworld security.
Often when she was home, he was in Washington. When he could manage it, he was here… even if it meant a lot more travel than most generals working at the pentagon did. He’d managed to get them to let him test some of the new craft. It wasn’t as though everyone knew about the space flight program or could know. So he helped test the new craft and the new technology, and took very fast rides back and forth to Washington when he could.
Now, Sam was trapped off world. The thing was she didn't have to be there. They wanted her in Washington. She was months at best away from her first star. She could have had it already if she didn't love her job so much. Damn. He was getting too old for this jazz.
He found himself thinking of the others… Of course, they’d been notified. The military was good that way. Buffy and he were on much better terms these days. The help SG-1 had lent to the fight in LA had really changed the dynamic between them. They annoyed everyone with their bickering, but it was friendly bickering… it had finally dawned on Jack why they argued so much. Daniel had said it, but he really hadn’t understood it until he’d seen her with Spike. She and Jack were very alike.
Somehow, the way Buffy and Spike had skirted each other carefully reminded him of the way things had been with him and Sam for so long. Now, of course, Buffy and Teal’c were old news… at least here… but when they all turned up in LA to help… that was when Buffy had discovered Spike was alive. That had been an uncomfortable meeting.
Spike had looked so hurt. Jack understood why he hadn’t called her. He had wanted to do the right thing too. Now he realized how stupid it had been, how much he’d given up waiting all those years. Angel had looked hurt too, but Jack didn’t think Buffy even noticed him – once she laid eyes on Spike. Jack had felt sorry for Angel and worried for Teal'c. Buffy had looked so uncertain, and Teal’c had just gotten even quieter. Jack knew he had been scared.
Teal’c hadn’t realized what Buffy really felt about the obnoxious vampire, even though she’d told him… it had been clear she was just recognizing it for herself. Jack hadn’t envied them. Eventually, after the fight was over, Teal’c had his answer. Now they had relative domestic bliss in a comfortable house not far from here.
Jack had his own discomforts. Sometimes watching Jon with his wife made Jack very …tense. That ‘thing’ that had hit him in the gut the first night he’d walked into that doughnut shop… Dawn. Every now and again, it would pop right up, and make him very uncomfortable. He knew they knew. He hoped that Sam didn’t know, but Sam was smarter than any ½ dozen very smart people he knew and it wasn’t just geek smart, so she probably knew… He hoped she knew that he’d never act on it. He still felt like a pervert.
Dawn was an adult now, but she was still someone else’s woman, and most of the time both of them remembered that. Right now, however, he really found himself wanting to call her. Jon was out there too. He knew she’d deal, but he just wanted… What did he want? Jon had told him that he and Dawn were soul mates. That had really screwed with Jack’s head. He’d just started sorting things out with Sam, and he found himself wondering if he’d made a mistake introducing them.
No. It would have been wrong. She hadn’t even been quite eighteen when they first met. He was old enough to be her father. Still. Sometimes she looked at him, and his whole body went warm with lust. Sometimes she seemed… amused. Sometimes though, she seemed thrown. Maybe she felt it too. God, this was insane.
It stuck Jack as the height of irony that after waiting so many years for Sam, he sometimes felt as if he were ‘settling’. Of course it would never have worked. He knew it. She knew it. He’d seen it in her eyes from the very beginning. The desire and the confusion mixed with guilt. He was thirty-two years older than she was, for crying out loud. Of course, it made no difference. He still wanted her.
He wasn’t so sure about her these days. In the beginning, even though she looked at Jon with pure joy, once in a while their eyes met, and they’d both look away quickly… it was just… awkward. Lately, she just seemed happy… both of them seemed happy. She was doing well in school, and Hammond had convinced the powers that were that Jon belonged back in the program… especially after Jack had requested to be reassigned.
Jack wondered how Jon felt working next to Sam. Did he ever wonder? Did he lust after Sam the way Jack lusted after Dawn? He seriously doubted it. For one thing, Jack had lusted after Sam, but it had never consumed him the way his attraction to Dawn consumed him. In any case, Jon was different lately… More like him, but less so too. Time had increased their physical similarities, but Jon seemed less and less like him at any age.
Jon seemed a lot more at peace, and a lot less driven than Jack had been. Perhaps it was because at an age when most men are trying to learn what they needed for life, he already knew. When most were trying to figure out who they were, he already had. He didn’t need to aspire to what he wanted to do; he was doing it. He had the woman he wanted too. Unlike Jack’s first wife, his woman knew what Jon did. Dawn and Buffy had both been through the gate, along with several of the extended Scooby clan.
Several slayers worked with other teams full time. It all made for a much simpler life. That was one more thing about being with Sam that really worked for Jack. No secrets. No lies. Like Jon, Sam didn’t have to pretend she worked on a project in Cheyenne Mountain with which she had no connection. Jack could ask her advice and discuss at length the direction of the program and every aspect of Homeworld Security.
The final nail in the coffin of the relationship that could never be had been the night Jon has stunned him by telling him that he was going to marry Dawn. Jack hadn’t said a thing. He hadn’t been able to think of anything to say that wouldn’t be completely inappropriate. He had an idea however, that Jon knew what he felt. Well, he’d done it to himself. He’d deliberately and with forethought of the most desperate kind, put the two of them together. It was right. It seemed right now… but instead of worrying about his wife, right now he was thinking about someone else’s. That was just wrong.
The phone rang.
“Hi Dawn,” he said, surprised that his voice shook a little.
“You heard,” she said.
“Yes,” he said.
“Can I come over?” she asked in a small voice.
“I…” what was he supposed to say? He knew how scary it was to not know. To wait. God. It was just ironic that she would call him… Crap. It was that time of year. Buffy was probably off somewhere putting out some apocalyptic fires of her own. Dawn was calling him because he was really the only one left in Colorado Springs right now… For a moment, he’d thought she might… Maybe… Well, that was a ridiculous idea. And that was just as well. If she’d felt it too... Jack forced himself to shut down his increasingly lurid thoughts. That was, he tried
to shut them down.
He opened the door. It was already dark outside. All he could see well was her face… He could tell she’d been crying. His heart broke for her. Of all the Scoobies, she was the one who wasn’t really a soldier… She fought, but she wasn’t really a fighter… she was, as one of them had said, ‘fray adjacent’. He smiled at that thought, and she looked up at him and smiled too.
He reached out and then she was in his arms. He pushed the door shut, just allowing her to draw whatever comfort she could from his embrace. He felt… well she’d never really held him before… Oh, she’d given him brief hugs, when she got married, and again when he had… but this… would have been intense, even she’d just been his… what? His clone in law? Family of some sort. But she wasn’t ‘just’ his undefined ‘in law’… She was Dawn. Oh god.
He’d felt the stirrings of an erection the minute he’d opened the door. By the time she had her arms around him, he was rock hard. Surely, she felt it? He let her go… She didn’t let go. In fact, she hugged him more tightly.
“Why… Let’s go sit,” he said, barely trusting himself to talk.
She looked up at him, her eyes holding the promise of unshed tears. She looked so lost… and without realizing it, he bent his head, his lips brushing hers before he realized what a terrible mistake he was making.
Her lips opened against his… He felt her breathe, her body arching up to meet him halfway. Then he was drowning, they were drowning…
“Dawn…” he pled. He had no idea what he was pleading for. Did he want her to stop or to surrender herself to him?
“Jack,” she said, brushing her lips against his mouth again, and moaning softly.
“We can’t do this,” he said.
“You’re right,” she said. “What’s wrong with me, Jack?”
“I don’t know if anything’s wrong with us, Dawn… we…”
“Yeah,” he said, and it came out as a tired sigh.
“I shouldn’t have come here,” she said. “I just…”
“I was thinking about you too,” he said softly, looking into her beautiful blue eyes.
“Oh,” she said, looking up at him.
She was tall, so her mouth wasn’t that far away… He was drowning again. Those eyes. Those lips. That voice. He was drowning in fire.
Then they were all over each other. She had her hands under his shirt, pushing it up, so she could feel his skin… He had hair on his chest. He had a man’s
body – the fullness of manhood feeling oh so very good. Jon was wiry. Jack was solid. Dawn’s fingers explored him eagerly. He pulled her top over her head and she didn’t stop him. Then they were on the floor, quickly divesting each other of the rest of their clothing.
They came together like wild animals, hard and with no finesse whatsoever. It was as if they had been starved of each other all this time. There were going to be bruises. He slammed into her hard, and she arched up to meet him, thrust for thrust.
Somehow, somewhere in their frantic mutual consuming of each other, she managed to roll him over onto his back. Then she was riding him like a wild creature, her breasts bouncing up and down. He just held onto her for all he was worth. Oh god, he’d never felt anything like this.
Then they were lying side by side on his living room floor panting hard. Their hands intertwined, like real lovers… What the hell had they just done? Jack knew it was not something he’d ever forget.
“Jack,” she said. “Thank you.”
“That… was… better than I ever imagined…” she trailed off.
“You thought about making love to me?”
“Yes... Well, I thought about fucking you, anyway.”
“I guess that’s what it was,” he said, suddenly feeling disappointed.
“That doesn’t make it less,” she said, turning on her side to look into his eyes. “It’s just… I wanted to do it like that… to be wild… It’s just how it always is in my dreams.”
“Oh,” he said, feeling a shock pass through his body.
“We probably shouldn’t have done this,” she said.
“No, we shouldn’t have,” he said, looking at her and thinking how much he wanted to do it again.
“Well, maybe we could do it again just one more time,” she said, molding herself to him, hooking a leg over his and pressing herself against him.
“I’d like that,” he said.
“Maybe we should go to the bedroom this time?” she said.
He was getting old. He knew he shouldn’t respond this way. Maybe it was just the extraordinary night he was having. They seemed to go on and on… Instinctively she knew… well, of course she knew what he liked. That thought only disturbed him for a moment.
The second time was as slow and languid as the first time had been raw and out of control. He kissed her all over her body, and she returned the favor and it had felt like a mutual act of worship. He wondered for a moment what she saw in him, when she had the younger, less trashed version. God, what were they doing? Oh, god… Nothing
had ever felt this good.
She was amazed at how different it was… familiar, but different. Of course, she didn’t have lots of experience to compare it to… it was Jon and him… Jon was… gentler… Most of the time… His body was young and firm and he had endless energy, but there was something… Something hadn’t transmitted quite precisely the same way. Body memory was one thing, but this was the body the memories really belonged to.
This was the body she’d first lusted for and been overwhelmed by feelings stronger and more adult than she’d ever felt for any of the boys she’d lusted after at Sunnydale High. Something had woken up in Dawn that very first night. Something not girl but woman. She’d noticed Jack O’Neill and he’d noticed her and it had been like nothing she’d ever felt before – or since.
For the first time she had understood the wild way Buffy had attacked Spike that one night they’d thought no one was looking… The night before the morning when Buffy had come home with her coat covered in grass burns looking as if she’d been fucked all night.
Dawn had suspected that was the case, though all she’d actually witnessed was the one searing, unending kiss so intense and so raw that Dawn had felt almost as if she had witnessed the act itself. It hadn’t hurt that she’d had a huge crush on Spike at the time.
Dawn hadn’t really intended this to happen, but if she was honest, this was something she’d been wanting since that very first night, something she’d only pretended to forget wanting. Something about it had felt inevitable then and now, it had finally happened and she knew she could never forget it. She’d been grateful that night that Jon had shown up and given her an appropriate place to put her rather overwhelming feelings.
But Jack was the one she’d wanted, and even though she’d made a life with Jon, one she really didn’t want to lose, somewhere deep down, she always wondered; what if? What if she could have been with Jack? Would it have been so wrong? Buffy would have probably killed Jack. Just knowing about their mutual attraction had fed Buffy’s powerful hostility to Jack, though Dawn hadn’t realized that at the time.
At that point, Dawn really hadn’t had the confidence to pursue Jack anyway, and she knew that would have been what it would have taken. He’d wanted her, but back then, there was no way he would have crossed that line. Maybe even if she had pursued him, he wouldn’t have crossed that line. He was a good man. That was part of the attraction. She loved that – about both of them.
She’d catch Jack looking at her, and it always made her wet with need. She knew Jon was aware of Jack’s ongoing attraction because he’d commented on it… but she wondered if Jon had any idea how she’d felt… still felt. He’d known in the beginning. He seemed to be OK with that. She knew he would not be OK with this. This was why this couldn’t happen again… If he was OK. God, what was she thinking? He could be hurt. Here she was pleasuring herself with another man. God, what was she?
“We’re insane, you know,” she said.
“You’re right,” he said. “Tomorrow… Tomorrow we’ll go back to our lives.”
“Tomorrow,” she agreed, trying to drink in everything about him for that eventuality.
It took the SGC four weeks to establish voice contact with Jon, Sam and the others and it would probably be at least another month before they were able to return because of raging flood conditions that made accessing the gate impossible, though radio communication was possible intermittently.
In the first two weeks, Jack and Dawn spent every night together and significant portions of many days. Jack did something he still wasn’t good at doing. He took leave. The connection between them was now so strong, neither knew what they would do if – no when – SG-1 returned.
“What are we going to do, Jack?” asked Dawn.
“We have to end this,” said Jack.
“I know. I just… I don’t know how I can be with him without…”
“Without thinking about us?”
“Without thinking about you,” said Dawn.
“Why do you want me, Dawn?” he asked, not for the first time.
“Because I want you,” said Dawn, shrugging slightly. “Because that look in your eyes makes me want to tear your clothes off.”
“Oh god, Dawn,” said Jack, starting to unbutton the blouse she’d just buttoned up in preparation to leave his house to head to campus for a study group.
Dawn helped him undress her in between kisses and nibbles, by unzipping her jeans, and shimmying out of them even as he unbuttoned her top and removed her bra.
“Oh Dawn,” he said even as she settled onto him, her long legs clamped tightly around his body. Jack felt weak in the knees and the sensation wasn’t due to the effort of holding Dawn – mostly, anyway. “You make me crazy.”
“Back atcha!” she said. “You uh… feel… so good.”
Her statement came out as a whispered groan as he allowed himself to fall back onto the bed before flipping her over. For a moment, they lay like that with him buried all the way inside her and her legs holding him there, kissing deeply and hungrily.
“I love you,” he said, feeling shock as the words tumbled out.
“I love you too,” she said, shocking them both.
They stared at each other. Neither of them trusted themselves to say anything else. In the two weeks Jack had managed to absent himself from Washington, they’d had sex so many times and in so many permutations they’d long since lost count. What they had never done was mention the ‘L’ word.
Dawn gently traced Jack’s mouth with her finger before pulling his head down for a deep, long kiss. Without another word, they began to move again. Something about this time was different. It felt new and in a way even more intense than before. Dawn touched Jack as if she had never touched him before, a sense of wonderment mixed with fear and yearning. They stared at each other as they slowly memorized each other again.
“Please,” she pled, “Oh Jack, Jack…”
Dawn’s cries became inchoate sound that joined with Jack’s as they both came, shuddering and spent.
They were eating dinner in Jack’s kitchen when Dawn finally had the courage to address their new reality.
“What are we going to do, Jack?” asked Dawn.
“I don’t know,” said Jack. “I really don’t know.”
“I don’t think I can give you up,” said Dawn.
“Don’t say that…” he said.
“What do you want me to say?” asked Dawn.
“We can’t do that to them,” said Jack.
“They deserve better,” said Dawn, nodding in agreement.
“Don’t you love him any more?” asked Jack.
“I—,” said Dawn. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
“I still love Sam,” said Jack. “I loved her for a long time, Dawn. Before…”
Before you even existed. Jack thought it, but he couldn’t say it. He felt anger mixed with hopelessness over the predicament in which he’d found himself – the predicament in which he’d put
Five years ago, he’d never met Dawn and never imagined he’d get to be with Sam. Now he couldn’t imagine life without either of them. Sam… he and Sam had always connected… from that first day when she’d walked into the SGC and he’d realized his new officer and scientist was a ‘she’, not a ‘he’ as he’d assumed. He’d spent seven years tamping down his feelings and so had she.
Now, even though they’d been married for years and he was happy with her, he realized he’d never let her in the way he’d let Dawn in. Tamping down on his feelings for Sam had become a habit. Dawn had told him that Jon had said this to her – just how closed he’d been – and Jack realized it was true.
Except, it wasn’t true now, not with Dawn. What was it about Dawn that had laid both him and his clone bare so completely? With Dawn, he was wide open and vulnerable. With Dawn, he was wide-awake and fully alive. With Dawn, everything was Kodachrome vivid. With Dawn he talked about feelings, about fear, about Charlie, about his childhood, about his deepest fears and dreams, about how much he longed for a child and how afraid he was to have another because of Charlie and because of Sam’s career.
With Dawn, he let himself sob about the grief he still felt for letting his child get access to his gun and he let her see the dark, sad part of him that would forever feel guilty and sick inside, even though the rest of the world thought he was strong, that he’d gotten ‘over’ it.
Even though she was technically the other woman and stereotype said they should just fuck like crazy teenagers, he found himself having conversations with her… well, the kind of conversations he’d never had with Sam. And of course, they did fuck like crazy teenagers… and make love like soulmates. Oh god. Oh no. What the hell was he going to do?
“But you put it off…” said Dawn, drawing Jack back to the present. “If you really loved her so much, would you have been able to wait?”
“It was against the rules,” said Jack.
“Sod the rules, Jack,” said Dawn. “You never did give a damn about the rules.”
“Are you saying I don’t love her?”
“Yes. No. No, not exactly… tell me something,” she said. “If it had been me…”
“I don’t know,” said Jack. “The world was a scary place. If we were needed… both of us… I think we would have waited…”
“I think you’re fooling yourself, Jack. How many times did you get trapped offworld with Sam and the others? Didn’t you get trapped alone with her a few times?”
“Yes,” said Jack.
“Yet nothing happened,” said Dawn.
“When you had your repeato day?” asked Dawn.
“Yeah. You know our history a little too well,” said Jack.
‘Guess it’s a good thing I’m one of the good guys, then,” said Dawn, grinning at him.
“I’m glad,” said Jack.
“You really think you could have resisted?”
“Yes,” said Jack. “At least, for a while.”
He had, of course resisted her for the last five years. He didn’t point this out, however. Of course, that was different. He had a wife. She had a husband. They didn’t work together every day. They didn’t spend years depending on each other in life and death situations… and that brought him back to Sam. That bond – he had let himself love her from a distance because that bond of saving each other and having each other’s backs – it simply couldn’t be broken. She’d saved him from that yawning chasm of grief that he’d carried for all those years after losing Charlie, then Sarah.
Sam had lightened the burden; she’d brightened up his days and made him feel not so broken. Even without talking. Which was something powerful. Jack was a self-contained man. Always had been. He’d been the kind of child who stopped talking and went off by himself when he felt hurt instead of turning to others. He enjoyed his solitude. He needed his solitude. He’d chosen two women who ‘got’ that.
Sara – she’d accepted the secrets she knew he’d carried. She’d never asked the awkward questions. She’d been a perfect military wife. In her way, she’d been a feminine version of him. Smart, disciplined, able to manage everything on her own and move every couple of years and she’d been practical, calm and centered.
At least, until Charlie died. That was when her façade had cracked and when she’d let herself need him. That was when the magic had died because he couldn’t let himself need her or need anyone else – he’d felt too unworthy of forgiveness to let himself take comfort in anyone. The problem, of course, was that she had needed him anyway.
First had come sorrow and incomprehension on her part, and anger and coldness on his part. Then had come fights. He’d felt so much self-hate, but of course, other than just once right after, he’d never talked about it. Then he’d wanted to eat his gun every day – it had only seemed fair, and he couldn’t, wouldn’t tell her or anyone that. That he wanted to die every morning when he first woke to conscious thought, and every time he looked in the mirror. He’d realized he couldn’t do that to her, no matter how much he hated himself and hated his life.
That was when he’d started drinking. Not enough to be classified a problem drinker, but just enough to let a little of the twisted anger show. She’d been in too much pain to bear it and he’d felt like an explosion was building up inside. So he’d left. Left her, left the military, left everything.
Only being ordered back to the Stargate program had dragged him back into life and he’d only let himself be dragged back because it had sounded like a suicide mission and after facing death all those times and turning it away, death was exactly what he wanted, preferably, ugly, painful death.
At first, Jack had hated Daniel Jackson because Danny felt so ‘young’, so fragile and he’d resented his childlike delight in every new thing, when the world seemed old and dark to him. Although eventually he’d come to understand just how strong the man was, at first, he’d been brutal because he’d been terrified that Daniel would in his stupid, innocent eagerness, somehow manage to get himself killed and Jack would feel responsible. Jack never wanted to feel responsible for any living thing again.
Somehow, he’d survived Abydos, and returned to his house in Colorado to hibernate some more while Daniel lived in Ancient-Egypt-world with his lovely bride Sha’re. Jack had licked his wounds for a year, happy to exist forever in a haze of solitude punctuated with just enough alcohol and his precious telescope and the Simpsons for company.
Instead, Apophis had stolen Sha’re and come to earth and the Stargate program had begun in earnest.
He was back and in charge of a team that would change his life, though he hadn’t known just how much in those early days. Soon, between the three of them, Daniel, Teal'c and Sam had given him a purpose in life and connected with him as he hadn’t connected with anyone else in years. Soon, in spite of his intentions, there were three people deep in his heart. Mostly because of them, the world didn’t look quite so dark, and soon saving it actually began to give his life purpose again.
“So…” Dawn sighed, pulling Jack’s mind back to the present. “What the hell are we gonna do?”
“Lay off the rough stuff so the bruises fade?” he said the first thing that came into his head. This of course, made him think of pinning her against the wall, with one leg up near her head, slamming home and feeling her clench around him. God, he was getting hard again just thinking about it.
“Good plan,” said Dawn, grinning at him. “You really think…”
Dawn’s saucy grin stirred the smoldering embers in Jack’s belly back to a solid burn. The intensity of her stare didn’t help at all. Jack felt antsy and off balance.
“Your sister would kill me if I broke up your marriage,” said Jack. “Spike too.”
“You’re not wrong,” said Dawn. “Hell, even though he’s your friend, Teal'c would probably help her.
“I’m sure of that,” said Jack. “He would consider it dishonorable.”
“Something the three of them could agree on. God, the world must be ending.”
“Well, I hope not, but this isn’t supposed to happen. We deserve to be flayed or something,” he said, grinning, in spite of the direness of the situation.
“So, we’re only breaking up because we’re afraid of my scary sister and her scary husband and her even scarier ex?” she rolled her eyes and pouted.
Jack tried not to smile. Jack hung his head and closed his eyes before attempting to respond. He tried to feel ashamed instead of amused. He wanted so much to kiss her, to… take her and he could tell she knew precisely what he was thinking, because, somehow she always did.
“We’re breaking up because you have a husband and I have a wife and both of them deserve better than this. We’re doing this because I’m an old man, Dawn. You deserve someone whose gonna be able to give you a good time for the next thirty years, not someone who might not be alive in thirty years,” said Jack. “I’m old enough to be your father.”
“So’s Jon,” said Dawn.
“Maybe, in his head,” said Jack. “But physically… he’s a better match for you, Dawn.”
“Jack…” Dawn said. “I burn for you.”
“Don’t say things like that,” said Jack, his voice was raw.
The erection that he had been trying to will away was once again bulging against the soft material of the sweat pants, even though his body was exhausted, his mind was in turmoil and his feelings were running the gamut from terror, excitement and desire to love, hopelessness and desperation.
Suddenly, none of it mattered. He wanted to drag her back to the bedroom or simply drop those tight black jeans and take her from behind over the dining table, to feel her slickness, to feel her heat surround him. No matter how they did it, being inside Dawn felt like coming home.
“You like it when I say things like that,” said Dawn softly. “Besides, it’s the truth.”
“Jack?” her voice was low and seductive. “Don’t you like how it feels to be buried deep inside me?”
“OK, if that’s what you want,” he said, even though those weren’t the words he’d intended to say.
He kissed her hard, plastering himself to her as if he was trying to grind her into the kitchen wall. He didn’t even remember standing up. Her legs wrapped around him and if she had been wearing a skirt, he’d have taken her right there. They made it as far as the living room carpet. Almost the same spot where they’d made love the first time.
As soon as one of her legs was free of the jeans, they came together, only partially undressed. Jack’s sore knees were forgotten as he drove into her and she rose to meet him. It was fast and hard and both cried out loudly as they came. Within moments, they were passed out on the floor.
It had taken almost four weeks before they realized they could actually communicate with the SGC. In those four weeks, a lot had changed. Initially, the four of them had despaired ever being able to return to earth.
“We will have to make some difficult decisions about what we will do if we cannot return to earth,” said Sam. “As far as the aerial surveillance is concerned, we’re alone on this continent… before it ran out of fuel – there is no sign of any current habitation. We have to come up with a way to farm or hunt… proper shelter… protection from any threats that might come up.”
They’d sheltered in an overcropping when they had found themselves in a sudden downpour. When it had turned into hurricane strength winds, they’d huddled together afraid that the overcropping would collapse in a mudslide and kill them. Fortunately, it hadn’t. What had happened was a major landslip around the area where the gate was.
First, it had toppled, and the could see in the repeated lightning that water swirled around it… by morning, there was a river between them and where the gate was supposed to be. Since they were several hundred feet above the gate, they weren’t flooded, but they were marooned. Of the plinth and the gate, there was no sign. It rained off and on for a week. They found a small cave and made it home. Other creatures had the same idea and so they defended it with a fire that kept them warm and dry.
Four weeks into their exile, their radios began to receive voice transmission during their daily one hour on time that they'd used to try to save batteries.
“General, we’re alive,” said Sam. “Dirty and malnourished, but we’re fine. How did you manage to get through to us? The gate’s gone.”
“We floated the MALP,” said Landry. “The gate’s underwater… apparently; it’s under about one hundred feet of water.”
“That’s not good,” said Sam.
“We’re working on solutions,” said Landry. “Probably the Odyssey.”
“Isn’t it on the way to Atlantis?”
“It should be there in about a week,” said Landry.
“So it’ll be at least several months?”
“Longer. Unless we can figure out how to get the gate up,” said Landry.
“I don’t think that’s gonna work, sir. I think it must have washed into the gully if it’s down as far as you say. It’s basically a box canyon with a very deep lake dammed up behind it now. I doubt it’s going down any time soon. The plinth the gate was on apparently got washed out – after the storm, we went back to the area and it’s basically a permanent river now. We think that a storm upstream rerouted a river – a pretty substantial one – and now it's flowing behind where we estimate the gate was. If we had enough firepower we might be able to blow part of the canyon, but the river would still be feeding it and we really don’t know where that would leave the gate. When the storm was raging, the river was about five times as wide as it is now. I think the terrain has changed in the millennia since they put the gate there… it was just a matter of time before the gate was washed out,” said Sam.
“That’s unfortunate,” said Landry. “Well, do you think if we sent you some supplies with floats that you would be able to retrieve them?”
“We’d probably need a boat or a raft of some kind unless the gate’s close to the shore – which I honestly doubt. We’ll try to rig something up.”
“We’ll send you a vessel of some kind… you’ll have to figure out how to retrieve it.”
“We’ll figure something out,” said Sam.
When the icy rain had finally tapered off, they’d split into two groups. Jon and Sam had gone off in one direction and Teal'c and Daniel had gone in the other. They had seen no animals bigger than a small pig like creatures and they’d decided that they would be better served if they explored.
Jack had spent a week in Washington. They’d had no communication because they didn’t trust themselves on the phone. No email either. Too many scandals. He tried to focus on work, but as much as he missed and worried about Sam, he was ashamed to admit that he missed Dawn more.
When he masturbated in the shower, Dawn was the one whose warmth he imagined. It was her mouth and her uninhibited fucking that made him wake up rock hard and desperate to fuck every morning. Colorado and Dawn were now only less than half an hour away, and Jack could feel his excitement building. He hoped that Sam was OK, but he really didn’t want to hear that they’d somehow managed to get back.
He also hoped that Dawn hadn’t managed to leave any item of clothing somewhere in his house just in case. It had happened once and when he’d discovered her bra in between the couch cushions, he’d known they needed to be more careful. She knew he was coming home. God, he was like a teenage boy. Was that it? Was it just that she made him feel young?
No, it was something more… something fundamental… that was why she and Jon had clicked too. After he’d been with her just once, he could never have enough. Sam was strong and fit and she was younger than he was too – it wasn’t age… If only he was half his age. Then he could be with her, fuck her every night and give her babies and… Oh god… What the hell was wrong with him? The plane was landing.
His first call was to Landry. There was no news. The gate was still underwater. They still had no idea when or if it would be above water again. The amphibious camera they’d sent through had found only water… and darkness, suggesting that the gate was submerged below a hell of a lot of water. They were working on sending something through that would measure pressure and that would float. The upshot of all this was that it seemed there would be no return of his wife any time soon. Jack was ashamed to realize he felt relief.
Dawn was at his door when he arrived home. He was suddenly very grateful that his house wasn’t near anyone else’s – that when he and Sam had married, they’d sold both their smaller houses and bought a nicer house in the mountains. Buffy and Teal'c were his nearest neighbors, but even they couldn’t hear Dawn’s loudest cries – and of course, Buffy was in South America somewhere trying to prevent a demon uprising, and Teal'c was off world with SG-1.
Probably a very good thing, because something about them together equaled loud. He’d never made much more than a grunt before, now he was becoming frankly uninhibited. If that translated to Sam whenever she came back, she would know something had happened.
Instinctively, he knew that something had changed fundamentally within him. Not only did Dawn bring out his wildness, she made him comfortable with that side of himself. He found he was freer with his emotions in every way. He’d actually allowed George to see him in tears when he’d visited his ailing friend and former superior. They both known it would probably be the last time they would see each other.
George had thanked him for changing his life and seemed very concerned that he be happy. He had truthfully assured George that he was happy, truly happy, though he hadn’t said just why. Jack might have well confessed everything if their visit had lasted longer, but the nurse in charge had limited them to one hour and she’d been right, George had been exhausted by the time he left.
“Hi,” said Dawn.
Jack dropped his luggage and wrapped his arms around her. Even though he wanted to kiss her, it was still daylight and though he wasn’t expecting anyone, he wasn’t going to advertise their misbehavior any more than the fact that Dawn’s car was parked in front of his house.
“I brought Chinese,” she said, pulling away and picking up the bags he hadn’t noticed.
She must have just arrived. She’d had a key before this whole mess started.
“Thanks,” he said, unlocking the door and picking up his rolling computer case.
Once the door was closed, she plastered herself against him, fastening her lips onto his. This was part of his attraction to her – that complete lack of inhibition or hang-ups. Dawn had absolutely no hesitation when they made love. She wanted him and she never bothered to hide it or to act coy.
He was hungry, but he had a feeling that food would have to wait, and he really couldn’t bring himself to care. Her hands were on his cock and she’d shed her panties. Her legs were around his waist and she was somehow lowering herself onto him much more slowly than he’d expected… then he was home! She was slick, hot and tight and she clenched around him. She grunted as he drove into her, her back against the wall, and she began to ride him as well as she could, twisting her hips and thrusting to meet him.
“Oh God, Dawn,” he said.
“I missed you,” she said, gasping as he fucked her as hard as he could while holding her up.
It was awkward with his pants around his ankles, but somehow they managed it, rutting crazily against the wall right inside his front door with two bags of Chinese food and his luggage surrounding them.
“Go, get cleaned up,” she said, kissing him softly when they were done. “I’ll get the food into the kitchen.”
He took one look at the mess that was his clothes and dumped everything in the wash. A few minutes later, he was in the kitchen, in comfortable sweats and a t-shirt. A few weeks ago, he would never have been so informal. Now she’d spent the night and he’d done the most intimate things to her and with her, it seemed perfectly natural.
“How have you been?” he asked, trailing a caress along her back as he headed toward the cupboard for glasses.
“Other than missing you? Bored.”
“Done,” she said.
“How’d they go? I know, I know, stupid question!”
“Well, considering how much of my time you’ve been taking up lately, I’m surprised I had time to study,” she said.
“But you did well, right?”
“The watcher’s council will be pleased,” she said.
“Good,” he said. “Can’t disappoint William the bloody, now can you?”
“No, that would not be good!” she grinned. “I talk too much.”
“I won’t tell him you told me,” said Jack.
“William Stewart Pratt. He’s almost as stuffy as Giles, sometimes,” said Dawn.
“Well, he did go to Oxford in Victorian times,” said Jack. “It’s still hard to remember how old he is.”
“I don’t know how Buffy did it,” said Dawn, suddenly serious.
“Did what?” asked Jack.
“Chose between him and Teal'c,” said Dawn.
“Do you think she still loves him?” asked Jack.
She stared at him for a long moment before answering.
“Probably. Definitely,” she said. “What does that mean?”
“God knows! I’m the last person to ask, Dawn,” said Jack, sighing.
“Maybe she would understand?” said Dawn.
“I’m not going to tell her about us, Jack. It’s hard enough to remember that I need to keep us a secret.”
“Us,” said Jack. “I never thought there'd be an ‘us’.”
“I dreamt about it,” said Dawn. “Way back when. I dreamt about being with you – before I ever slept with Jon.”
“Me too. Oh god, Dawn. I’m not sure I ever needed to know that. I’m not sure what to do with it.”
“How do you think I felt?” she said. “I was afraid I was going to call him Jack… of course that was before… Once… well…”
“What?” Jack wondered why she was hesitating.
“Well, once I knew we were really going to be together, I started to think about him,” she sounded apologetic.
“That’s good, right?” Jack said, sounding uncertain.
“It feels… I find myself wondering if I should have waited,” said Dawn.
“For you,” she said.
“We can’t do this,” said Jack as the reality of what they were doing flooded back and with it, a measure of what felt like his sanity. “We just can’t.”
“I know,” she said. “You think I don’t know that. There’s only one problem, Jack.”
“What?” he asked.
doing this,” she said softly.
“I guess we are,” he said.
“So…” she smiled.
“I just find myself wanting…” he stopped.
He took a ragged breath and closed his eyes. When he reopened them, he just stared at her.
“Wanting what?” she asked.
“Wanting to give you a baby, Dawn,” Jack said softly.
It was just a breath.
“Crazy, huh?” he grinned at her.
“I guess. I guess that makes me crazy too,” said Dawn. “Maybe we can keep practicing?”
“I think I could be talked into that,” he said.