Faith, Saviour of the Universe!By Dave Turner.Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or ‘Flash Gordon’ which was directed by Mike Hodges, with a screenplay by Lorenzo Semple Jr and adapted for the screen by Michael Allin. The characters were created by Alex Raymond and the music was written and played by ‘Queen’. Any scripted words that you may recognise weren't written by me either. I write these stories for fun not profit.Crossover:
The Buffyverse with the 1980 movie ‘Flash Gordon’.Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar:
Written in glorious English-English which is different to American-English.Timeline:
A Grim Up North 2 story set in August 2006.Words:
Ten chapters each of 2500+ words.Warnings:
'Stand back! Or I'll shoot you with my positronic ray!!!'Summary:
A 'Grim Up North 2' story; “Faith! Faith!” Dawn cried, “I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!” Earth is doomed unless Faith can save the day.0=0=0=0
“Klytus, I'm bored,” Emperor Ming complained, “what plaything can you offer me today?”
“An obscure body in the S-K-C, your majesty,” replied Klytus; a tall, black robed figure with a golden mask for a face. “The inhabitants refer to it as the planet ‘Earth’.”
“Now peaceful it looks,” sneered Ming before laughing evilly.
“Will you destroy this ‘Earth’, Sire?” Klytus asked conversationally.
“Later,” once again Ming chuckled evilly as he sat down behind a large control panel, “I like to play with things awhile before annihilation...MAW-HA-HA!” 0=0=0=0The Rosenberg-Scapone Residence, Middlesbrough, Cleveland, England, Earth.
Standing at her kitchen sink, Willow stared out of the window at her back garden and imagined the herb garden she had planned and tried to ignore the slight feelings of nausea she was experiencing. Back in July she'd bitten the bullet and gone with Kennedy up to a clinic in Edinburgh and made a withdrawal from the Sperm Bank. The fertility specialist had said everything should work out fine and Willow and Kennedy had gone home to wait.
Having started to think about starting a family back before Buffy had got out of prison, Willow hadn't done very much about it until about a month ago. Kennedy had taken her on a weekend break to the South Coast so they could examine their relationship and decide what they wanted to do with their lives. Of course it hadn't quite worked out like that; they'd ended up going to the Moon, fighting evil Moon-creatures and escaping by the skin of their teeth. However, they'd both come back from the moon thinking life was too short to wait and if they wanted to do something like, say, start a family, they'd better do it soon.
Looking at the garden again, Willow decided she'd start planting next spring, or more likely, she'd get Kennedy to do the planting...no, Kennedy would probably employ a proper gardener to set things up. Smiling, Willow reminded herself once more just how easier it made mundane things, like planting a herb garden, when you had a rich girlfriend.
Another wave of nausea swept over Willow and she held on to the kitchen sink and closed her eyes until it passed. The chances were, she was
actually pregnant. The doctor at the clinic had told her that she shouldn't have any problems conceiving. Opening her eyes, Willow did a mental count, she was a two or three days 'late'. Normally her periods were pretty regular, but she wasn't going to jump to any conclusions, not until she was at least a week late. Only then would she buy one of those predictor things and pee on it.
A dark cloud covered the sun and the light levels dropped dramatically making it almost as dark as night. Looking up at the sky Willow frowned. The weird, worldwide weather effects had started about a week ago and she'd become immediately suspicious. It wasn't that she had any evidence (at least not then) that something strange was going on, she just felt it in her bones.
Laughing at Willow's concerned mutterings, Kennedy had asked her why she didn't just investigate? After all she might have developed a witch's version of a slayer's 'spider sense', plus they'd all look pretty silly if the world did come to an end all because she'd ignored her feelings. Also it would give her something to do while Kennedy was in Eire helping the local slayers deal with a plague Leprechauns.
So, Willow had started to investigate and what she found had made her very worried. True, whatever was happening could
be written off as strange but normal weather effects. However, another explanation could be that it was all a prelude for planetary invasion. Knowing what she knew (there'd already been one alien attack on Middlesbrough which had cost over two hundred lives), Willow was leaning fairly heavily in the direction of interplanetary attack.
A shower of hailstones hit the kitchen window and made her jump, looking at her lawn, Willow watched the hailstones steam in the grass; hot hail she asked herself? Picking up her mug of green tea, Willow took a contemplative sip.
“Oh my goddess!” Willow gasped as she looked at the offending cup of tea, “That's disgusting!”
After tipping the tea down the drain, she told herself there was no way she was going to drink any more of that vile brew no matter how good it was supposed to be for pregnant ladies. Swilling out her mug she walked over to the breakfast bar; after switching on the kettle she went in search of milk, sugar and her tin of PG Tips tea bags. From now on she'd stick to normal tea, maybe she'd start to drink it with lemon, but she was having nothing more to do with these, so-called, herb teas.0=0=0=0
With a steaming mug of brown, sugary tea clutched in her hand, Willow made her way up to her study. Kennedy had her weapons room, where (not surprisingly) she kept all her weapons and Willow had her 'study' where she kept all her computer and magic stuff. Once again Willow thanked her lucky stars that Kennedy was so rich and they could afford such a large house (and a cleaning lady to do most of the housework). For a moment Willow felt sorry for Buffy. Her oldest and bestest friend had been living at Giles' house. But now Giles was going to get married and Buffy would have to move back into one of the converted chalets on the old holiday camp where the Slayer Organisation had their headquarters.
“Poor Buffy,” Willow sighed as she opened the door to her study; but hopefully, by moving out of Giles' house, Buffy would stop having all those weird sexual fantasies about him.
Crossing the room, Willow put her mug of tea down next to the computer before sitting down in her expensive, ergonomic, chair (once again having a rich girlfriend ensured that this witch wasn't going to get a bad back from sitting hunched over her computer) and powered up her trusty, dread machine. Willow giggled girlishly at Giles' 'computer-phobia', of course he wasn't so bad now, but back in the day... Well, that was all water under the bridge now.
After typing in a few commands, Willow sat back and sipped her tea, she smiled as the hot liquid made its way down into her tummy and soothed the feelings of nausea she'd been having. Looking at the numbers marching across the screen, Willow's tea mug froze halfway to her lips. Staring at the screen in disbelief she put down her tea and started to type furiously, her fingers hitting the keyboard extra hard in her fear and anxiety.
“Oh-my-goddess,” Willow cried in something near panic, “this can't be happening!”
But it was happening and she had the figures to prove it. Going onto the internet, she logged into one of the science forums she used when she was doing research and wanted some feedback on her latest project. Today the only subject up for discussion was the strange weather all over world and yesterday's unexpected solar eclipse. Almost everyone was saying that these were just natural occurrences, after all science didn't know everything. A few other people pointed out that as humanity had been studying the heavens for thousands of years, people knew how to predict solar eclipses.
What was worrying Willow the most was that no one seemed to have noticed that the moon appeared to be drifting out of orbit, and in a few days it would crash into the Earth! Her tea forgotten, Willow picked up her mobile phone, she needed help, she needed to do something about this, she needed her friends around her. Dialling Buffy's number, Willow put her phone to her ear. After three rings the receptionist (who also acted as Buffy's secretary) at Slayer Central picked up. When Willow asked the young Australian woman where Buffy was, she was told that Buffy had gone into Middlesbrough earlier in the day and hadn't said when she'd be back; other than saying it was 'personnel business' Buffy hadn't said what she was doing there.
Thanking the girl, Willow hung up, so Buffy was unavailable, who did that leave? Kennedy was in Eire, Giles was in Leeds, which only really left Faith and Dawn. But where would they go once Willow contacted them? Willow had no idea. Getting up she grabbed her scrying bowl and put in down next to her computer. Next she took two terminals and plugged one end into the back of the computer and placed the free ends into the quicksilver of her scrying bowl. A little voice at the back of her head told her she needed to be careful around things like quicksilver now she was pregnant.
“Oh goddess,” Willow wailed; she was pregnant and if she didn't do
something her child would never
get to be born!
Quickly Willow cast her most powerful of locator spells over the computer-scrying bowl set up. Sitting down again she sipped her lukewarm tea and waited for something to happen.0=0=0=0Middlesbrough Hospital Car Park.
Looking up with a start, Faith watched the hail strike the hood of the car and bounce onto the tarmac of the car park. Hail in August, she raised an eyebrow; sighing she went back to her book and explained it all away by it being just a normal British summer. In the three years she'd lived in Britain she'd never really felt 'warm'. Adjusting her reading glasses, Faith went back to the cook book she'd been studying, she was twenty-six and she didn't know how to cook. Okay, she could put stuff in the microwave as expertly as anyone, but... But, it would be nice if she could cook so Dawn didn't have to do it all the time. It would be extra nice if once in a while she could cook a meal for Dawnie, special-like, just to show her how much she loved her.
Glancing at her watch, Faith saw that it was nearly five o'clock, Dawn would be coming off duty soon. About half-an-hour ago, Faith had spotted what she thought was Dawn's ambulance drive into the ambulance station part of the hospital and not come out again. This meant that unless there was some terrible accident in the next couple of minutes, Dawn would be coming out of the hospital and joining her so they could go home. Taking off her glasses, Faith put away her cookbook and switched on the car radio. It was tuned to a local news channel and Faith came in halfway through a news bulletin.
“...seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinary intergalactical upsets,” announced the radio anchorman, “Only Dr Willow Rosenberg, formerly of UC Sunnydale, has provided any explanation…” there was a burst of loud static that drowned out the anchor's next few words, “...NASA scientists explained that yesterday's unprecedented solar eclipse is no cause for alarm…”
“Yeah right!” Faith told the radio, “I might not be a rocket scientist (Faith was in fact a Librarian when she wasn't slaying), but even I can see there's some weird shit going down...”
The sound of the passenger's door opening, drove all thoughts of NASA rocket scientists, solar eclipses and cookbooks from Faith's mind as she turned to see Dawn climb into the car.
“Hi honey,” Faith leant across the car and kissed Dawn on the lips, “have a nice day?”
“Two RTAs, one attempted suicide, rushed a pregnant lady to hospital and the usual crop of false alarms,” Dawn replied with a world weary sigh, “of course seeing you makes it all totally worth while...what about you?”
“Caught a couple of students screwing behind the stacks,” Faith admitted, “but otherwise nada.”
“Don't worry,” Dawn reached for Faith's hand and gave it a squeeze, “our lives can't be full of danger and excitement all the time.”
Just as Dawn stopped talking both their mobile phones started to buzz for attention.
“Ya do know you've jinxed any chance of a quiet night in, don't you?” Faith pulled her phone from her pocket and looked at the screen.
“Sorry...” Dawn looked at her own phone.
“Willow,” both women said at the same time.
The message on both screens was the same, 'Come to Buffy's office...URGENT!'
“Oh, crap,” Faith muttered as she started the car's motor.
“Faith!” Dawn cried fearfully, “I know it said 'urgent', but...AAAAAAAAAAAGH!”
Screaming, Dawn grabbed hold of anything she could to stop herself being thrown around the interior of the car by the gee forces of Faith's acceleration. Faith had an almost mystical ability to drive to the speed limit while at the same time giving the impression that she was breaking every one of them. Fumbling for her seat belt, Dawn got it done up just in time to be forced back in her seat again as Faith accelerated violently and drove them out of the car park. Dawn couldn't help observing to herself that she drove an emergency ambulance at high speed almost every day, but Faith's driving still scared the crap out of her.0=0=0=0
After skidding to a halt in the car park outside the admin block at Slayer Central, Dawn took a moment to allow her heart and stomach to catch up with her. Opening her door, she followed Faith into the admin building. Arriving in the reception area, she heard Faith ask the duty slayer where Willow was. The girl, a little stunned by Faith and Dawn's sudden and obviously agitated arrival pointed silently towards Buffy's office.
Hurrying down the corridor, Dawn again wondered at the work Xander and his building buddies had done to repair all the damage visited on Central by the religious fanatics who'd tried to sacrifice her to their goddess. Following Faith into Buffy's office, she saw Willow sitting at Buffy's desk (another present from Xander) typing furiously away at the computer keyboard.
“What's up Red?” Faith demanded as she came to a halt in front of Willow.
“I'm just leaving a full report for Buffy if she ever gets back from wherever it is she's gone,” Willow hit a few more keys before closing down the computer; she looked up at Faith and Dawn, “We may not have much time,” she gasped, “Earth is under attack and we need to counter attack and stop the big bad!”
“Okay...” Faith replied slowly, she knew Willow well enough by now to know she wasn't the sort of witch who cried wolf (or even that the world was about to be destroyed) every time something weird happened. However, Faith wanted some more information before she committed herself to raining down great buckets of death and destruction on the big bads. “So, what's happening?”
“Look,” Willow jumped up from Buffy's chair and was heading towards her executive bathroom, “there's not much time, the moon is crashing down on Earth and someone's making it happen...”
“But there's still time to use Buffy's bathroom?” Dawn asked as Willow opened the door to the private bathroom. “I realise the importance of personal grooming but...”
“Erm...no!” Willow hesitated in the doorway, “But...” Willow took a deep breath to calm herself down, “...look I know where the Big Bad is and the only way of getting there in time is by using Buffy's bathroom.”
“Huh!?” Faith and Dawn chorused.
“Look,” Willow led the way into the bathroom, “only Buffy and I know about this, but her shower opens a portal to wherever it is that the Big Bad hangs out...”
“Portal?” Faith repeated slowly.
“Big Bad?” Dawn added.
“Shower?” Faith frowned.
“TEA-UP-WANKY!?” Dawn gasped, Tea-up-wanky was the mispronunciation of the name of a suspected Big Bad that had been haunting the Slayer Organisation for the last few months.
“Come on,” Willow hopped from foot to foot as if she needed to pee urgently, “there's not much time...and you're probably gonna get wet!”0=0=0=0