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Harvest Nuts

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This story is No. 2 in the series "Nuts". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: The Square of the Hippopotamus...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Buffy-Centered
Anime > Other
Marvel Universe > Avengers > Buffy-Centered
AceDreamerFR1589,0560276,0331 Jun 145 Jun 14Yes

Suite Nuts

No rights are claimed over any of the characters, or the stories that they come from, that are used in this fan-fiction.


Doreen remembered humming the 'Nutcracker Suite'. She particularly liked the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. The Disney version, in 'Fantasia', of course. And, she'd just remembered a funny song, “The Square of the Hippopotamus...”.

Maybe that was why she was here?


Doreen was dressed in a really silly dress. As a 'incoyable'. French with the perfume, and everything. She hoped it hadn't got a see-through rear, like some she'd seen illustrated. The only exception was her utility belt, which really didn't make sense.

Nearby was a good-looking man, dressed as a 'muscadin'. The tight trousers, frilly shirt, fancy hair, the ornate club – she could smell the strong French perfume from here. And, some sort of false ears.

“Squirrel Girl?”

“Don't you recognise me?”

“I'm Monkey Joe!”


Kitty realised she was phased and wearing a sheet. Fortunately with eye-holes. A quick check, yes, she was dressed under it. But with a bare midriff, and a short skirt. At least she was wearing her costume belt.

Was she dreaming? It didn't feel like it. Someone, looking like a kid in a costume, just ran through her. That felt right. Her phasing might be something she dreamed of, on occasion, but rarely in this much detail.

The sheet came neatly off, and she carefully folded it, tucking it under a bush. For some reason it had “BOO!” written on the front. A bit over-stated. Though, she guessed it was classic.

That looked like Doug, over there. Maybe he'd know what was going on?


The first thing he noticed was the rifle. Solid in his hands. Then the soldier clothes. The boots. Solid boots, always good. And, thank his luck, his force-field belt.

Hmm. Better be careful. He'd not tried firing a gun from inside the field. The results could be... nasty.

Lots of strange voices, some sounded like children, loads of weird languages. Sounded like some panic, uncertainty, but a lot were challenges, the sort you got just before the violence started.

He checked the belt controls – all good, plenty of power, thank Forge for that, and in the default defence mode. He and Kitty'd brainstormed for hours about the best settings, given some of the things they ran into.

His surroundings. Logan always said he needed better 'situational awareness'. No immediate threats. Ah! Dressed a bit strangely, but, wasn't that Kitty, over there?


Spike looked up. Someone was leaning on a car horn, just outside the warehouse. Stupid buggers. Probably kids, messing around, again.

Funny, sounded a bit familiar. Guess he'd better check. Why wasn't someone else doing that? What was the point of having minions, if they never did anything useful?

“Spike! Get in. Now.” He didn't realise Dru knew how to drive. Not that he'd trust her to, most times. Dying in a flaming car wreck wasn't in his plans, any time soon.

“Move over, love. Where're we going? I thought we'd have a quiet evening, in, tonight.”

“Away. Far away. Or you meet the Nutcracker.”

Spike gulped. Dru was being far too rational. He wasn't sure what it meant, but it wasn't anything good.

“Lets take a nice drive down the coast.”


Ethan lay there. Was he dying? He wasn't sure. The energy, he'd felt nothing like it in his life. It screamed, it whispered, it made rude comments about his ancestry. Yes, it was Chaos, but, it wasn't controlled.

Funny, he hadn't thought about it, quite like that, before. He worshipped Chaos, but, wasn't worship an attempt to control something? Package it? Make it something understandable?

Maybe I should have been a school teacher, like that careers advisor said, all those years ago...

A small girl, with blonde hair, a flower hair-grip, in a sailor suit. Looking down at him. Looking confused. About to burst into tears.

“You're not my Key. No, I'm not the Over-Cute! I'm Eris! A-ko, where is A-ko, I want A-ko!”


Dawn sat in a tree. For some reason she was a squirrel. Not that she objected to being a squirrel. But, somehow, it didn't seem quite right. On the other hand, squirrels didn't have to do homework.

At least she had nice, red, fur.

She really, really, hoped Xander liked squirrels.


Author Note:

This was planned to be one-off fanfic (“Nuts For You”), but a few bits looked worth expanding...

Please don't expect this to be 'finished', on a realistic time-scale, though I'll try and avoid month(or year)-long cliff hangers. [grin]

I guess I should put these links here...

The “Legend of the Over-Cute” is probably too obscure, but, could this be relevant?

C-ko Kotobuki uncertain
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