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Table Nuts

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Nuts". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: There's always a few nuts left behind on the table...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Buffy-Centered
Anime > Other
Marvel Universe > Avengers > Buffy-Centered
AceDreamerFR1533,641082,8756 Jun 1417 Jun 14Yes

End Nuts

No rights are claimed over any of the characters, or the stories that they come from, that are used in this fan-fiction.


“Giles. We're staging an intervention. I'm afraid you've left us no choice.”

“No more coffee.”

Doctor Rupert Giles, 'Ripper', Watcher Giles, and Giles, blinked at them in surprise.


Willow had decided it was ridiculous. She needed Xander and Dawn's help. And, Harmony for technical assistance, as well as Warren. Things were going weirdly wrong in Sunnydale. She'd never have thought a shortage of vampires would be an issue.

Halloween, that'd been strange. The aftermath, in the library, even stranger. Gods and Over Gods. Buffy now Lady of the Squirrels, and Angel a Lord of Dusk. Getting the deeds to the world – it didn't get much stranger than that.

The shock was only just beginning to sink-in. But, they would pay attention to her. She had Resolve Face.

And, being able to walk through walls, good for haunting people without having to die first.


“Dawn did a good job. The world, lots of worlds, didn't end. But, you could maybe claim she did too good a job.”

Willow really didn't like public speaking, even to a group of people she mostly knew, about her own age. She could feel herself phasing in and out, defensively. But, Kitty Pride had faced much worse things, so she could, too.

“If you think of the different worlds, as transparencies, that the light shines through...” Dawn, as her assistant, put a series of transparent sheets on the overhead projector, all slightly different. Slowly enough that each showed a different Sunnydale.

“If the light is too bright, the sheet melts, and that can ruin the projector. Glory was trying to get off the sheet which is one of these Sunnydales, by over-powering the projector, so they all melt. She thought that'd get her home. No, Xander, I'm not going to demonstrate that.”

“What Dawn did was sort of this.” Willow gestured to Dawn, and she stapled a whole set of sheets together. Then, put the mass on the projector, showing a mixed-up Sunnydale, with a few bright points showing through the staple holes.

“What we're going to do is accept most of the combined Sunnydales, and put them on a single, thicker, sheet. But, some of the details just wont fit.”

“Among other things...”

“Xander, you're going to have to give the super hero suit back. Another Xander, elsewhere, is going to be Marvel(TM), sorry, 'Miracle', Man.”


Deadpool looked at the script. Then at the 4th Wall.

"If you want any more story, you're going to have ta write it yourselves!"

He turned, threw the script over his shoulder, and walked off.

"I'm gonna get a chimichanga. Turn the lights off when you leave."


Buffy was happier. She'd mostly come to terms with Doreen's memories as “Squirrel Girl”, though she was arguing which of the two of them had the weirder life. And, she agreed, squirrels were 'of the good'.

Willow and Tara, as Kitty and Illyana, Magik, had poked around a bit. Used a sensor built by Warren, as Forge. Got Xander, as Cypher, and Dawn, to translate some old texts for them. There was another Hellmouth, in Cleveland. So, they re-purposed it, as a 'Astra Portia', that Buffy could use Angel's powers to activate.

Yesterday Buffy'd Slayed Apophis, Ra and a race of LEGO things called 'Replicators'. Today she'd taken a quick break, over lunch, and disposed of Hathor, Setesh and Sokar. Cronus'd died by accident, when a squirrel tripped and fell on him with a light sabre. Tomorrow, they were going to try another galaxy, or two - there were things called 'Ori', and 'Wraith', that Buffy was eager to meet. Buffy was pleased there were supposed to be billions of galaxies.

Oh. And three squirrels with light sabres should have cleared all the rest of the Sunnydale vampires, by tomorrow, and should be done with the rest of the world in a few weeks.

Angel wasn't too happy about being described as a 'Monkey Joe' substitute. But, when Buffy called him her 'hug-able big squirrel', and demonstrated it, he guessed it was OK.

And, these days, he could eat nuts, too.


They'd put in all together, Harmony, as B-ko, had built stuff to provide the raw power and fine control. She did complain that it wasn't stylish, and they wouldn't let her build it as a cos-play fashion accessory for a giant robot. Shanice, as A-ko, was on a treadmill powering everything. No one was totally convinced this was necessary, but, it seemed to fit together.

It was all channelled through Angel; Buffy's job was to run around with her squirrels driving off the gremlins, so the gods of mad science didn't get to curse the project too badly.

Everything went pretty well. Xander said goodbye to the blue-suited version of him, Giles agreed to go back to only drinking tea, to protect the more mature women of Sunnydale, a small black piglet briefly turned into a dark-haired girl wearing a bandanna, and chased Larry off shouting that because of him she'd “Seen Hell”...

And the machine disappeared, just leaving behind a British chocolate bar.

So, you might say, the world didn't end, with a bang, it didn't end with a...



Author Note:

That's it. The end of this nutty story. And, the end of this series.

This is something about the state various characters were in after the re-re-engineered Hellmouth stabalised things:

Buffy has the full powers of "Squirrel Girl", and the full powers of The Slayer.
Willow has the full powers of "Shadowcat"; all her (potential) magic's gone into that.
Xander has the full powers of "Cypher", and a force-field belt; he might realise he loves Willow as more than a sister, or, he might find himself in a closet with two Cordelias. [grin]

Cordelia has the full powers of (classic comic) "Cat Woman", and a utility belt. Oh, and there's now two of her, identical twins with (initially) identical memories.
Tara has the full powers of "Magik".
Oz has the full powers of ? (maybe just a hair-dyed human? But, he's cool. All right, he dressed as a humanoid 'Lockjaw'. You happy? [grin])

Shanice (an obscure Cordette) has the full powers of A-ko.
Harmony has the full powers of B-ko.
Joyce is occasionally C-ko. (Maybe she has some other (glorious) powers?)

Aura has the full powers of (classic comic) Iron Man. And is now male.
Larry has the full powers of Mari (from Project A-ko). (But, are these changing? He's looking a bit Ranma-ish...)
Ford has the full powers of P-chan (from Ranma 1/2), and no cancer. OK, looks like she's now a cross between Akane and Ryoga.

Jonathon has the full powers of General Jumbo ('Beano' comic), seriously upgraded.
Warren has the full powers of Forge, but no bionic bits.
Andrew has the full powers of Andrew, MiB agent training, and the 'Noisy Cricket'.

Angel has the full powers of a Herald of Galactus, a master vampire, and has a soul firmly riveted in place.

Giles is, of course, just a humble librarian. He was, briefly, a dimensionally-transcendent coffee-powered love god. [grin]

Dawn? Whose that? OK, she's the Key, with a shadow of “Squirrel Girl” powers.

Yes, there's loads of other people, too. [grin]

I guess I should put these links here...

Gold Blend

The End

You have reached the end of "Table Nuts". This story is complete.

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