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Table Nuts

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Nuts". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: There's always a few nuts left behind on the table...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Buffy-Centered
Anime > Other
Marvel Universe > Avengers > Buffy-Centered
AceDreamerFR1533,641082,8736 Jun 1417 Jun 14Yes

Meta Nuts

No rights are claimed over any of the characters, or the stories that they come from, that are used in this fan-fiction.


Dr. Rupert Giles and Ms. Joyce Summers. Having coffee. In a coffee shop. Not 'coffee'. No police cars on the agenda.

Some people believe in doing things properly.


The dust had settled. Physically as well as metaphorically. Things went back to normal.


The local press announced the Mayor, Richard Wilkins III, had gone on vacation. For health reasons. He was hoped to return soon. In the meanwhile, Deputy Mayor Allan Finch was reluctantly taking-up the reins. City Hall was waiting with bated breath, to see what happened. The Scoobies were not suspicious.

Not one little bit.

Principle Snyder remained his usual self. Though, for some reason, he didn't pick on Buffy Summers, anything like as much. It didn't take long for the school staff to realise that asking him if he'd seen a squirrel, just over there, was an excellent way of derailing his train of thought.

The Summers household was much the same. Except, it wasn't. Dawn kept complaining Buffy was hogging the bathroom. And leaving hair in the drain. Her latest idea was to say things with an English accent, because it was 'more sophisticated' – she wanted her own 'en suite'.

Joyce, drily, pointed out that that 'en suite' was French.

The Scoobies... Willow looked at Xander. Xander looked at Buffy, and, sometimes, in a slightly confused way, at Willow. Tara and Oz (no one was quite sure when he'd arrived – he was pretty quiet) looked at Willow, and didn't glare at each other.

Buffy looked bored.

Anya, well, Anyanka really, looked at Xander, switching between annoyed and frustrated. Halfrek had great fun, pointing out that she'd got to grant a wish, not her. And still had her power centre. And, Anyanka didn't have an excuse to get to know Xander. So, there. Anyanka growled at Halfrek.

Then, they went and made the local ice cream emporium happy.

Angel tried to mope. But he couldn't. He was happy, he sometimes had trouble not smiling. He had Cosmic Powers. Could go out in the sunshine. Could eat and drink anything he liked – without needing to go to the bathroom. Could, probably, fly. Sure, he didn't have a heart beat, or need to breathe. And, he could fake that up, make people think his skin was warm.

But, he couldn't mope. It was really annoying. So, he went and eye-beamed a few more vampires to dust.


Two girls fight. After a while, a long while, they stop to catch their breath.

"You are not a vampire."

"Five by five. You're not bad in a fight, either."

"I am teh Vampire Slayer."

The dark-haired girl carefully put her hand on the shoulder, then around, the other dark-haired girl. Who went stiff, for some reason.

"I've got some cash, from the last vampire I rolled. Let's go get some 'coffee'."

The other girl looked at her with suspicion, for a moment, then smiled.

"All right."


“Rupert... You don't mind if I call you Rupert?”

“I think, after what happened, we're on first-name terms, Joyce.”

“Just what did happen?”

Glasses are polished.

“To be completely honest, we don't know. We have some speculations, hopefully informed, but, nothing certain.”

A smile.

“So, speculate.”

Coffee is sipped.

“Please don't tell those children, sorry, 'young people', that I like good coffee. It would really upset them. Sometimes all I have to keep them in line is an image of English reserve. I'm afraid it's getting rather frayed around the edges. That is why I have to keep polishing it.”

“And mixing your metaphors.”

“Quite. Now...”


“Can we go back yet, pet?”

“Nooo... The Nutcracker's come to stay. Daddy's not Daddy. Forever and ever. All the Big Bad went away.”

“Ah well. Rio. You'll enjoy the night life.”

A shiver ran down Spike's spine.

“New Zealand. We've never bin to New Zealand. Christchurch, nice big city. Kids doing car racing at night, getting in crashes – practically blood on tap.”

“What do you say?”



Larry was hunted. He wasn't quite sure how, or why, but, being able to turn into a woman seemed to make them more attracted to him. Even if they didn't know.

The martial arts were fun, he could do all sorts of things. Recently he'd taken up roof hopping. And, re, re, capturing the strange semi-albino grizzly that kept escaping from the local zoo. It's name was 'Mr. Panda'.

The attention was nice. He was getting more dates than being a jock ever got him, before. Sometimes, he had to juggle two at once.

But, that piglet. Quite why it disliked him so much, he wasn't sure. Kept interfering with his dates. Like it was a curse.

He was meeting Aura, later. They were going to discuss their mutual problems. Maybe offer to do some bodyguard work for her, him. Damn it! This was confusing!

He'd be happy to help her out. If the pig would let him.

Wasn't his life confusing enough?


A-ko and B-ko went to school. Most of the time they were Shanice and Harmony. Some of the time they weren't.

Harmony hadn't taken over the Cordettes, more created her own group. The 'Harmonics'. Larry, only in female form of course, was one member. Others were obscure girls from school, who'd been her minions at Halloween. Not pretty, but Harmony didn't mind as long as they did what they were told. And, did well in driver ed, and their free piloting lessons. They were smart enough not to ask why.

Shanice quite liked the new athleticism. It made being a cheerleader rather pointless, though. Not only could she support an entire inverted pyramid on her own, she could hold up the stands (or were they bleachers?) with the other hand. She could have done without being always late for school, though.

They feuded, a bit. It seemed to be expected.

Joyce let them visit, some times while her daughters were out. Then she became C-ko. It looked like they'd done some sort of deal. Everything went well, no one remarked on the difference in their ages.

As long as they didn't let C-ko try and cook.


Author Note:

This is a follow-up to 'Harvest Nuts', which was a sequel (that was never supposed to exist), to the one-off 'Nuts For You'. They're all together in one of these new-fangled 'series' things, 'Nuts'. For your inconvenience. [grin]

Please don't expect this to be 'finished', on a realistic time-scale, though I'll try and avoid month(or year)-long cliff hangers. [grin]

Because it's been requested, and in the spirit of further confusing readers, this is something about the state various characters were in after the re-engineered Hellmouth stabalised things:

Buffy has the full powers of "Squirrel Girl", and the full powers of The Slayer.
Willow has the full powers of "Shadowcat".
Xander has the full powers of "Cypher", and a force-field belt.

Cordelia has the full powers of (classic comic) "Cat Woman", and a utility belt.
Tara has the full powers of "Magik".
Oz has the full powers of ? (maybe just a hair-dyed human?)

Shanice (an obscure Cordette) has the full powers of A-ko.
Harmony has the full powers of B-ko.
Joyce is occasionally C-ko. (Maybe she has some other powers?)

Aura has the full powers of (classic comic) Iron Man.
Larry has the full powers of Mari (from Project A-ko). (But, are these changing?)
Ford has the full powers of P-chan (from Ranma 1/2), and no cancer.

Jonathon has the full powers of General Jumbo ('Beano' comic), seriously upgraded.
Warren has the full powers of Forge, but no bionic bits.
Andrew has the full powers of Andrew, MiB agent training, and ?.

Angel has the full powers of a Herald of Galactus, a master vampire, and has a soul firmly riveted in place.

Giles is, of course, just a humble librarian. [grin]

Dawn? Whose that? [grin]

Many other named and unnamed Buffy-verse characters have super powers, as long as they were in the library. If they weren't, they only have (fading) memories and a few skills. Deny that a major river from Egypt flows through Sunnydale: [grin]

I guess I should put these links here...
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