Prologue

Title: All of Me


Author: Jinni (druscilla@cox.net)


Rated: R


Pairing: Max/Liz/Tess


Disclaimer: All things Roswell belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, et al. The title of the fic comes from the lyrics to “My Immortal” by Evanescence, a song so hauntingly beautiful I couldn’t help but use it for inspiration.


Distribution: The normal places, however they don’t archive Roswell fic, so I guess just my site(s) at the moment.


Author’s Note: Takes place after Destiny. Liz didn’t go to Florida over the summer. It is AU beginning at that point, I suppose. Only the prologue will be written as a journal entry, everything else after that will be my normal writing style.


Summary: After the events of Destiny Liz knows that Max needs to be with Tess, even if it breaks her heart to admit it. So she comes up with the best, even if craziest, plan she can manage and sets it into motion. But what’s going on with these dreams? And why does she get the feeling her idea is far from unique?


~*~Prologue~*~


The day is June 25th, and I’m Liz Parker. It’s early in the morning, but I’m already awake. The clock says four am, but I’ve been up since about three, maybe earlier. It was those dreams again.


I’m someone else in the dreams. At least, that’s the feeling I get. It’s like I’m looking through someone else’s eyes. Nothing bad, at least, not so far. Though if they keep going, I’m sure that somewhere along the line there’ll be heartache. No good story is without its fair share of angst, after all.


But why am I dreaming like this? In sequence, time and again. I can’t think of any other time that I’ve dreamed like this. Usually its all so fragmented. More abstract. Something I have to think about when I wake up in the morning, if I can remember any of it at all. These dreams are different – I can remember every vivid detail. I’ve tried to tell myself that it means nothing. Nothing at all. But the truth is that it feels so real – like something more that I need to figure out.


I’ve thought about asking Max, but that’s out of the question given his and mine current state of affairs. I’ll come back to that later, though.


Right now – the dreams.


Right.


So, I’ve also thought about asking Isabel. But then she’d want to get into my head, dreamwalk me. And. . . I don’t want to share these dreams. Not yet. They’re so peaceful, which, I guess, is something that is missing in my life. They’re my sanctuary, a little taste of a life more normal. Telling Isabel would mean sharing them with someone else. Someone that would want to scrutinize what they were.


And I don’t want answers that badly. If these are visions or flashes somehow – I don’t think keeping them to myself with hurt anything. After all, so far there hasn’t been much of anything relevant. Sure, it all looks like an alien planet, with people I’ve never seen or heard of in my life, but that doesn’t mean that it really is anything more than my overactive imagination.


No reason to bring anyone in on this yet. Not Max. Not Isabel. Not even Michael, though I doubt he’d be able to help me anyway.


One of the people in my dreams reminds me of Michael. He’s quiet, with emotions that are hidden beneath the surface until provoked. Love, anger – all lying quietly beneath a wall of indifferent coolness.


Except when my dream self is around. That’s when he comes alive. So caring, compassionate.


I don’t even know his name, only that he was. . .is. . .important to the person I am in my dreams. Someone close. A friend? A relative?


But I don’t know. Like I said, it could be nothing more than my imagination. I wouldn’t want to worry the others over nothing.


So. . .that leaves me handling it on my own. And that’s fine. I’ve been handling things on my own ever since that day in the cave.


That day when my life changed. All of my dreams destroyed. When everything I’d placed all my hopes on was shattered with one, swift blow. A message from a woman that could very well be dead for all we know.


Max and Isabel’s mother.


Their destiny.


A destiny that didn’t involve me.


As if it could – I’m only human and they’re all something more.


Max belongs with Tess.


There. I wrote it. Funny how admitting to something doesn’t make it hurt less. Putting it in black and white doesn’t do anything for that ache in your heart that refuses to go away.


I’ve been avoiding him as best as I can for the last two weeks, trying to keep what’s left of my life hanging on by a thread. I told him that we couldn’t be together, that he needed to follow his destiny.


But he’s not listening!


It’s as if he wants to cause me pain by dragging this out as long as possible. Except, that can’t be the case. If there’s one thing I know its that Max would never deliberately hurt me. He –does- love me.


And that’s the crux of the problem. He loves me. I love him.


But he needs to love Tess.


And the harder I push him away, the more he pushes back – edging his destined wife that much further out of his life.


I don’t want that. What if they need each other, the four of them? They were sent together, so obviously they need to be together for some reason. Like saving their planet.


So. . .Max needs to be with Tess.


It hurts. I’m crying. Sobbing, I guess is the word. If I don’t stop my parents will come to check on me. Or, worse, Max will wander by to ‘check on me’ and hear it. I know, crazy to even think that he would do that at four in the morning, but it wouldn’t be the first time he’s gotten it into his head that something’s wrong and come over to make sure I’m okay.


I’ve been laying here thinking about this for the past hour.


Well, in between thinking about my dreams, would be more accurate.


And I’ve come to a conclusion.


It’s crazy.


Absolutely nuts.


If I tell Maria about it she’ll go screaming into the night quicker than when I told her the Czechs existed in the first place. And Alex would never even begin to understand.


I don’t want either of them to understand, either. It’s better if this happens as naturally as possible, and that includes their reactions or lack thereof.


You see, Max is hung up on me. He wants to spend time with me, get closer. Do all that stuff that couples should do together.


All that stuff he should be doing with Tess.


So – and I know I’ve finally lost that grip I had on sanity – I’ve got to become Tess’ friend.


Her best friend.


She needs to be there with me when Max is there. We need to be together, as the three of us, until he finally gets to know her. Until something in him triggers those feelings he’s supposed to have for her. I need to slowly push them together, me in the middle, until I’m squeezed out.


Because his destiny is important. I can’t believe anything other than that. Why else would he have been sent here to explore it?


So – crazy plan. But I think it’ll work. I just have to be subtle about it. Oh, not with Tess. I plan on telling her the whole crazy idea. She’ll go for it.


But Max won’t know what’s hit him until its too late if I have my way with it.


Does it hurt?


God, yes.


More than anything.


Is it the right thing to do?


I have to believe that it is. Otherwise this pain that I’m feeling is for nothing. If their destiny together is for no reason other than just being together, I would feel stupid for doing this.


But I don’t think it is.


It’s something big, I can feel it.


Today is June 25th, and later today I’m going to put this crazy plan into action – starting with Tess.


~*~End Part~*~