Title: Proper Jurisdiction
Rating: innuendo, implied future fornication
Pairing: Anyanka and Jareth the Goblin King
Universes: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Labyrinth
Disclaimer: BtVS belongs to Joss Whedon, Labyrinth belongs to Jim Henson
Summary: Anya debates the proper jurisdiction of a wish with an old…friend.
Notes: Answer to the 20 Minutes with Anya challenge. I enjoyed the short foray into Labyrinth with Shadow Watching so I decided to do it again here. This ficlet, however, is strictly comedy. A bit of fluffy, not entirely serious. Hope you enjoy.~~~Proper Jurisdiction~~~
Anya patted the woman-in-need-of-vengeance’s hand and made a soothing noise. Said woman gave a humongous sigh and continued on her rant.
“I mean, he has to know I know, but there he sits, passed out in front of the television like the world didn’t just end.” She gestured to doorway of the den and clenched her fist. Anya tried to look interested. “He comes home smelling like her, reeking of her, and comes to our bed?”
“No, he didn’t…” The vengeance demon managed to look properly outraged, swirling her cup of tea. “Don’t you just wish something awful would happen to him?”
The woman, name already forgotten, took a deep shuddering breath and started crying into her teacup again. “I don’t know… I just wish… Remember when we were kids, that silly book about goblins?”
Anya got a sinking feeling in her stomach and muttered, “Yes, but really there are so many other ways to get even, like—“
But the woman didn’t hear her, pushing up from the table with a wounded sigh. “That bastard deserves it. I wish the Goblin King would come and take him away, right now!”
With a dramatic swirl of paisley bathrobe, the wounded wife stomped off to have a good cry in the bathroom. Anya stared at her for a moment in shock before saying, “Oh, penis.”
She jumped up and sprinted into the den where the sleeping man-in-need-of-punishment was snoring away in front of static. She got there just in time to see a wind blow open the balcony doors and a gothic figure swathed in ruffles and leather float through. He grimaced when he saw the decidedly unappealing man on the couch, drooling into his Cheetos, and groaned when he saw Anya skid to a stop between them.
“Anyanka. What a…surprise.” The Goblin King smoothed down his wild blond hair and took a deep breath. “It’s been too long.”
Anya narrowed her eyes. “Quite. Now if you don’t mind, please step away from my victim.”
“Your victim? He was banished to my kingdom, so that makes him my victim, thank you very much.” Jareth stalked toward the frustrated demon.
Anya took one look at him and flung out her hands protectively in front of the sleeping adulterer. “I don’t think so, buster, he’s on my books now. Do you have any idea the amount of paperwork it would take to sort this out?” she hissed, voice going up several octaves.
“Yes, I’m well aware. But the wish was uttered and the proper jurisdiction is the Labyrinth.” Despite trying to keep his calm, the Fey Lord was obviously irritated. He punctuated his words with thrusts of black clad fists. “He is mine, Anyanka, and that’s final.”
Anya crossed her arms, taking a step back. A thought suddenly occurred to her and she sarcastically said, “Oh, really. And he’s so cute and cuddly, just the type of infant you like.”
Arching an eyebrow, Jareth regarded the prize. “So he’s not the tender morsel I usually receive, but he’ll do. I need a few new RedCaps and he’s about the right size.” Fingers drumming on his arms, he tilted his head. “What did you have in mind?”
Anya smiled winningly and laid a soothing hand on his shoulder. “Well, I just have to administer the wish for it to count with D’Hoffryn. Let’s say I dump him in the Bogue of Eternal Stench and leave him. That way, you get your future goblin and I get to have my fun. Everyone wins.”
Jareth considered it for a moment, mismatched eyes regarding at the slouched lout. “I think, my dear, that maybe you have the right idea.” He relaxed fractionally and grinned, showing entirely too many teeth. “Why don’t we have a drink on it, back at my castle? How long has it been, four hundred years?”
Anya pretended to consider it for a moment, surreptitiously eyeing his leather clad crotch. “Well, Jareth, I did enjoy my last stay immensely. Perhaps it has been too long.” She licked her lips. “Just show me the way and we’ll deposit unfaithful-man here and be off for that glass of wine. I hear the vintage from the Summerlands is particularly delightful this year.”
Jareth eyed her up and down with a wink. “As always, Anyanka, as always.”~~End Proper Jurisdiction~~~