Universe: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Stephanie Plum
Characters: Stephanie, Dougie, The Mooner, Clem
Disclaimer: BtVS belongs to Joss Whedon, SP belongs to Janet Evanovitch
Rating: think kittens playing
Spoilers: Chosen for BtVS and To the Nines for SP
Notes: Answer to 20 mins with Clem. I love Clem. There is not enough Clem love in the world. And something tells me that Grandma Mazur would love to get her hands on him.~~~Flush~~~
The strangest things happen on my way for pot roast at my mother’s. Somehow all the cosmic weirdness tunnels down to the New Jersey Turnpike to the Burg and follows me around. Sometimes it blows up cars, who am I kidding- it always blows up cars, but other times it’s not quite so…dramatic.
For instance, on the way to my mother’s for pot roast I stopped to check on Dougie and the Mooner. Just to make sure they’re not doing anything too illegal of course. They haven’t been, not since that episode with the demented mob wife and the heart in the cooler anyway. They’ve been good, as good as they are, doing their thing in their little Spock outfits with all the other geeks in Kirk outfits. It’s cute really.
It was getting late, and mom would be standing at the doorway with Grandma Mazur in about thirty seconds wondering if I’d gotten myself abducted or blown up in the hour since she last talked to me. I hurried up the front steps and walked through the open front door. I could hear the t.v. going and the Mooner’s giggle. They were in the back, laughing and chattering, doing something around a card table. The Mooner saw me and waved me in.
“Steph! You’ve gotta come play a hand.”
“Hand of what?” I asked, edging around the doorway.
“Poker. Clem here’s a whiz at five card stud.” Dougie was slouched in the old lazy-boy, Diet Dr. Pepper dangling from his hand. He pushed a pile of potato chips to the center of the table, “I call.”
I looked across the table and “Holy Moly!” I blinked.
The creature across the table blinked back and extended a paw. “Heya. I’m Clem. Nice to meetcha.” Great loose folds of skin hung from every exposed part of his body, including his ears. I tried to remember what my mom said about starting, but his skin was so pale and his nails were so…sharp. He took my hand gently and gave it a good shake. I jumped but he didn’t seem to notice, fiddling with the cards in his paw before smiling up at me.
He waved a bag of Cheese Doodles in my face. “Want some? We’ve got lots.” He laid his cards on the table. “Full house. Pay up.”
Dougie groaned as he, it, whatever scraped the pile of barbeque chips across the table.
“Um, hi Clem. I’m Stephanie.”
He beamed, showing entirely too many sharp teeth. “Oh, I’ve heard all about you, you know. A superhero around here.”
I looked at Dougie and the Mooner and they smiled sheepishly. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m a bounty hunter. Sometimes I get to catch the bad guy.”
The Clem nodded like he understood. “I get that. Back home I sorta helped out with the same thing.” He drooped, the skin folds flopping onto the table. He seemed so sad just then, poking though the chips to find the perfect one.
“Where’s home?” I asked, trying to be polite, wondering if I’d finally found an alien to take home to Grandma Mazur. Maybe he’d do us all a favor and abduct her.
He brightened a bit. “Oh, Sunnydale, California.”
The Mooner blinked, wiping chip bits on his shirt. “Dude, that’s the place that blew up.”
Clem nodded. “Yeah, I got out just in time. Had to leave all my kittens though.”
Er, kittens? So this guy didn’t act like a killer space alien. Grandma would be so disappointed. “So what brought you here,” I asked, almost afraid of the answer.
“Atlantic City. I’ve always wanted to gamble there. Thought it was as good a time as any.” He waved a paw at Dougie. “We met at the black jack table. He invited me down for the weekend.”
Dougie and the Mooner nodded in unison. Dougie dealt another hand and Clem started the ante. I looked at my watch.
“Sorry guys, I have to run.”
“Aww, Steph, come back sometime. We never get to hang out anymore.” The Mooner bopped his head back and forth. “Dude, bring your Grandma. I bet she plays a mean hand of poker.”
I backed out the room slowly, thinking of all the possible disasters that could follow me back from my mother’s pot roast if I brought my grandmother to play poker with Dougie, the Mooner, and the floppy space alien from Southern California. ~~~End Flush~~~